I’ve once said that the 2000s was a mixed decade for music. It’s a very true statement and it applies especially to hip-hop. The same decade that gave us several landmark albums like The Blueprint, College Dropout, Get Rich Or Die Tryin’, Food & Liquor, etc., also gave us a whole slew of ringtone rap and other crap that we would love to forget. This list wil only cover hip-hop and rap songs from 2000 to 2009. So let’s not waste time.
Strange we’re starting this list off with a song from one of my favorite rappers, but even the greats have duds. This atrocity was released during the Encore era where Marshall put out some of the worst records he’s ever made. The beat sounds cheaply made, the hook is nonsense, and the verses have some of Em’s most uninspired writing. The song is, apparently, a diss against Triumph the Insult Comic-Dog. Yeah. Eminem made a whole song dedicated to a puppet dog.
He also take shots at more pop-culture figures and made a pedophilia reference surrounding the Olsen twins. This whole thing is a mess. I don’t care what excuse you throw, this shit is unacceptable. What the fuck, Eminem? What the fuck?
This rap-rock hybrid is an abomination to both genres. This shit is nothing more than a ringtone rap song with a guitar riff. The hook is repetitive and the rapping from all three members of Shop Boyz are awful. They’re not even talking about anything. It’s the typical rap braggadocio about money and women while name-dropping famous rock stars with no purpose other than the song title. This song is a failed attempt to cross over with the rock audience. Putting guitar riffs on your records won’t help. Fortunately for us, this was Shop Boyz’s only hit song. They probably partied like washed-up rock stars right now.
Ah, Chingy, AKA the poor man’s Nelly. Even though Nelly epitomizes being a pop rapper, his style at least was unique and original. Chingy is from St. Louis like Nelly and even though he doesn’t rap-sing, his whole style is the watered-down version of Nelly’s. He pronounces the “ere” in a word like “er” just like you-know-who. I could be here all day discussing the similarities between Chingy and Nelly, but that’s not what this shit is about. This is about Right Thurr, Chingy’s first single. This song shows you everything wrong with Chingy. It’s repetitive, his voice is annoying as fuck, and the lyrics are awful. It’s him talking to a girl and it’s some of the lamest ways a dude can talk to a girl. I’m amazed he didn’t get smacked across the face before the song ended. This song would be one of four songs of his that would make the Top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100. I blame Chingy for all of the ringtone rap that diluted the airwaves of the second-half of the decade.
Oh, Lil Wayne. Your catalog is nothing but a landfill of mediocrity with a couple of gems here and there. Somewhere along the way, the shit started piling up and it can be linked to this song. What can I really say about Lollipop? Well, it’s Wayne’s biggest single to date and it’s his worst single that’s not on Rebirth. The beat is simple, the lyrics are disgustingly perverted, and there’s WAY too much Auto-Tune being used to hide how horrible Wayne’s singing is. This sour treat is a sellout song that started the decline of the quality of Wayne’s music and the rest is history.
My God. This shit was a number one hit? *sigh* This was made during the rise of ringtone rap, where simplistic beats, repetitive hooks, and lazily-written rhymes was all you need to have a hit song, plus, you can sell millions of ringtones with this shit, hence the name ringtone rap. The hook is basically this guy saying “shake that laffy taffy” over and over again. I don’t even wanna know what he means by laffy taffy because it sounds gross. This song is your typical mainstream rap song where a dude is hitting on a chick using a lot of candy euphemisms. I think Lil Wayne was inspired by this song when he made Lollipop. Did I mention that the rapping was horrible? The voice of one of these dudes sound like he was crying and it gets annoying. Just like with some of the other rappers on this list, Laffy Taffy was D4L’s only hit song and no one has heard from them ever since. Success isn’t that sweet anymore, ain’t it?
Man, I forgot about how annoying this song is. Before, The Black Eyed Peas were just another harmless pop-rap group that, despite the hate they get (some of it well-deserved) sometimes made some good songs. But they have a tendency of going to really stupid routes in their songs and this proves it. Fergie take up most of the song alongside will.i.am (we get nothing from the other two guys) talking about asses. This shit is obnoxious, repetitive, and is just painful. I’m not the only one who thinks this song is shit. Rolling Stone called it one of the most annoying songs ever and other music publications put it on their worst songs list. It’s one of those songs where many people agreed it was terrible.
Just like the rap songs of its kind, this audio pile of animal droppings is repetitive as fuck and has some of the laziest lyrics ever. Dude is basically repeating the phrase “this is why I’m hot” over and over again throughout the 4 minutes and 13 second run of this song. This is what he says on the first verse.
This is why I’m hot
How I gotta rap
I can sell a mill saying nothing on the track
That is unfortunately true. Mims made a platinum-selling single where he basically says nothing important and he never elaborates on why he’s “hot” (pause). His verses are centered around the standard mainstream rap cliches, women, money, cars, material wealth, etc. Ironically, this was Mims’ only hit song and after this, he was never heard from again. He should make a song called This Is Why I WAS Hot, For 15 Minutes.
(I couldn’t find the single artwork for the song, so you get a picture of Trillville themselves instead)
Boy, this is a special one. This song is uniquely stupid. It’s not just bad, it’s entertainingly bad. The beat has this sample of a squeaking bed mattress that goes on throughout the whole record. That won’t get annoying. Lyrically, it’s another shallow song about sex, but what makes this special from other sex songs is how ridiculously over-the-top it is. They’re talking about stalking chicks in the mall, beating up the coochie, and shooting jizz everywhere. It’s so graphic, it makes 2 Live Crew sound like innocent choirboys. And that’s actually what makes this shit hilarious. It doesn’t even sound like a real rap song, it sounds more like a parody of a rap song. This song is its own self-parody. That’s actually amazing that someone can make a song that, intentionally or not, makes fun of itself. Every time I hear Some Cut, I just laugh. Still, none of its entertainment value can save it from being #3 on this list. It’s still a shitty song.
My goodness, this shit is repetitive. Most of this song is this guy saying “ay bay bay” over and over again. The lyrics are pure horseshit, centered around Hurricane Chris hitting on women and having lots of money. I don’t understand why these rappers, on their first single, brag about having shiploads of money and spending it on useless crap with no value and thinking every woman on Earth would sleep with them because they set up this phony rich superstar persona. Many rappers don’t even own 98% of the shit they talk about having in their songs. Their cars, clothes, jewelry, mansions, etc. are rented to make themselves look bigger than they actually are. Back to this song, Hurricane Chris and his music sucks monkey balls, period. You know how rappers who are viewed by many hip-hop fans as terrible have defenders who actually like them? I have never met anyone that liked Hurricane Chris. No one. There’s people who like this song and think it’s catchy, but I have yet to see a Hurricane Chris fan. He’s one of the few rappers who the entire hip-hop community agreed was 100% garbage. Ay Bay Bay would be HC’s only hit song, cementing him a place in one-hit wonder history.
Now before we get to #1, let’s go though some dishonorable mentions.
- Ja Rule ft Ashanti-Always On Time
- Lil Kim-The Jump Off
- anything from Plies
- David Banner-Play and Ying Yang Twins-Wait (The Whisper Song)
- Lil Mama-Lip Gloss
- 50 Cent ft Olivia-Candy Shop
- New Boyz-You’re A Jerk
- Webbie ft Lil Boosie-I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.
- anything from Dem Franchize Boyz
- Jibbs-Chain Hang Low
- Unk-Walk It Out
Now it’s time for the reveal. The number one worst rap song of the 2000s IS…..
I couldn’t just pick one because they all equally suck. Soulja Boy is a cancer to hip-hop. His presence is making the culture worse. Dude sucks ass as a rapper and a producer. His beats are so simple, a 10 year old can re-create them with no problem. His bars are beyond trash. He puts no effort into his shit. His idea of making songs is repeating two or three words over and over again, spit some nonsense gibberish about money, women, his “swag,” and other bullshit, and attach a dance to it; that’s all that’s put into his music. This is a guy who made millions making the audio equivalent of diarrhea. Even worse, he HONESTLY thinks he’s the shit. I get that every rapper thinks they’re the best, but when you lack a little something called talent, your case for why you think you’re the best is pretty much dead. Fortunately, his relevance is fading away and his music is flopping. Soulja Boy, an example of a talentless loser who got lucky and, eventually, his luck ran out.
So those were the Top 10 Worst Rap Songs of the 2000s. As of now, hip-hop is getting a little better than it was five-ten years ago (keyword LITTLE) with Black Hippy and other young talent bringing substance back to the mainstream and, hopefully, the Young Money, 2 Chainz, French Montanas of the world go into obscurity eventually.