Target Practice

Target Practice: Katy Perry “Birthday”

Target Practice

Welcome back to Target Practice, where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Let’s talk about Katy Perry. Her success amazes me, but it doesn’t surprise me at all. She is a bubblegum pop artist making saturated, manufactured music made to sell records. Nothing original, creative, or innovative, but it works for her since her shit still sells. In other words, Katy Perry’s music is audio junk food. She’s basically Britney Spears 2.0, someone who doesn’t take chances in their music and sticks to a formula that benefits them and guarantees commercial success (though for Britney, that formula is starting to wear off). So today’s song is the fourth single off of the snooze-fest Prism, Birthday.

I heard you’re feeling nothing’s going right

Why don’t you let me stop by?

That’s how I felt hearing your album. I see Katy is asking for a booty call. Classy.

The clock is ticking, running out of time
So we should party all night

“We don’t have much time to live. Let’s party ’til we can’t party no more. YOLO!!”

So cover your eyes,
I have a surprise
I hope you got a healthy appetite

Is it sex? Is that the surprise? Also, nice to see Katy’s gonna let this guy (whoever’s listening to this song) eat her out.

If you wanna dance,
If you want it all
You know that I’m the girl that you should call

Lapdance or sex. That’s your options, fellas. Katy does it all. She’ll even let you put it in her pooper.

Boy, when you’re with me
I’ll give you a taste
Make it like your birthday everyday

So Katy is willing to give up her cooch everyday of the year, holidays included. Where do I sign up?

I know you like it sweet
So you can have your cake
Give you something good to celebrate

She’s really giving up the goods. If only every woman acted like this.

So make a wish
I’ll make it like your birthday everyday
I’ll be your gift
Give you something good to celebrate

Oh, I’ll make a wish, alright. I wish I can listen to something better than this shit, please? Also, way to objectify yourself by calling yourself a gift.

Pop your confetti
Pop your Pérignon
So hot and heavy
‘Til dawn

There it is, fellas. Katy Perry will pop your confetti or Pérignon.

I got you spinning
Like a disco ball
All night they’re playing
Your song

Wait a minute. How are we in a club now? I thought we was at home. And unless they’re playing m.A.A.d City, then they ain’t playing my song.

We’re living the life
We’re doing it right
You’re never gonna be unsatisfied

Because YOLO!!

Happy birthday

It ain’t even my birthday, but thank you.

So let me get you in your birthday suit
It’s time to bring out the big balloons
So let me get you in your birthday suit
It’s time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, big balloons

You know what? Instead of making some jokes, I’ll just show these pictures for no reason.

This song is one big pile of perversion hidden under an innocent disguise. I haven’t heard a “birthday” song this stupid since 2 Chainz’ Birthday Song. These type of songs are nothing more than expansions of sex songs, using birthdays as double-entendres for sex. The production is nothing special, it sounds like every other generic pop song that’s out there. It’s currently on the bottom half of the Hot 100, but I predict it’ll be a huge hit as summer comes closer because it’s a formulaic Katy Perry song. Overall, I ain’t feeling this shit. It’s just another bore.


One thought on “Target Practice: Katy Perry “Birthday”

  1. I used to love finding the meaning in songs with double entendre’s. With a lot of trash and perversion going on in pop music now, I tend to stay away from trying to get the meaning behind the lyrics, which is most of the time pretty obvious.


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