Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Taylor Swift, huh? Everyone has an opinion on her. Whether they like her or hate her, she has them feeling some type of way. With the success she’s had, it’s no surprise that she would be so polarizing. Me? I never was a fan of her at all. She is talented, but her music is very one-dimensional, especially in the subject matter department. Plus, I find her irritatingly obnoxious as a person. That’s just me. Maybe others think differently and other feel the same. What’s even worse are her fans. My God, I can’t stand Taylor Swift fans. They’re some of the most annoying, immature snot-nosed brats ever. They make Beliebers and Directioners look like saints. I could do a whole post about them and these other fanbases, but that’s for another day. Anyways, today’s Target Practice is the first single off Taylor’s upcoming album, which will be all pop songs (let’s be real, she’s always been a pop artist; she abandoned country a long time ago), Shake It Off.

I stay out too late
Got nothing in my brain
That’s what people say, mmm-mmm
That’s what people say, mmm-mmm

Taylor Swift once again working with the mentality of a 13 year old. And you wonder why some people accuse you of being childish.

I go on to many dates [chuckle]
But I can’t make ’em stay
At least that’s what people say, mmm-mmm
That’s what people say, mmm-mmm

And we all know why. You make them want to leave you so you can write another song about them and make more money. You shallow bitch.

But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind
Saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”

Is there a chance she was listening to a song called It’s Gonna Be Alright?

‘Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

*sigh* My God, this is terrible. For someone who’s praised for her writing, this song has some of Taylor’s laziest writing to date. No effort put into it. And I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, it’s a pop song. It’s supposed to be simple.” No no no. I get that not every song is gonna be something deep and complex, but that doesn’t justify laziness and bad writing. Also, the “players gonna play, haters gonna hate” part obviously came from a 3LW song. Don’t know who 3LW are? I don’t blame you, but here they are and the song that the first two lines of this hook came from.

I never miss a beat
I’m lightning on my feet
And that’s what they don’t see, mmm-mmm
that’s what they don’t see, mmm-mmm

I’m dancing on my own (dancing on my own)
I make the moves up as I go (moves up as I go)
And that’s what they don’t know, mmm-mmm
that’s what they don’t know, mmm-mmm

Yyyyyyyyyyyeah. You’re gonna have a hard time convincing anyone that you can actually dance, Taylor, considering that you always look like a fool during award shows when you try to dance. You have as much rhythm as C-3PO and he’s probably a better dancer than you.

Hey, hey, hey
Just think while you’ve been getting down and out about the liars and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world,
You could’ve been getting down to this sick beat

………………………. what the fucking hell? That has to be the most Caucasian moment in music history since Miley Cyrus’ existence. Sick beat? If by sick, you mean brutally beaten, stomped, sodomized, and left to die in the middle of nowhere during a cold, rainy day. This line, along with the rest of this fuckfest of a record, is so white, my skin pigment is starting to lighten up.

My ex-man brought his new girlfriend
She’s like “Oh, my god!” but I’m just gonna shake
And to the fella over there with the hella good hair
Won’t you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake

Well, it wouldn’t be a Taylor Swift song if she didn’t mention one of her exes. And do I smell jealousy? Taylor, are you being a hater? And WHY are you trying to rap? Don’t, because you look like an even bigger fool than you already are. Also, this might be a minor gripe, but girlfriend and hair do not rhyme.

Shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off

Shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off,
I, I, I shake it off, I shake it off