2010 is the beginning of the 2010s decade and is supposed to be the start of something new. But, dear God, it was an awful year for pop music. The club shit got out of hand and it never stopped. Every other genre were either okay or just bad. Thankfully, this was the last year that the club boom had its stranglehold on the charts. Still, there’s a lot of crap to weed through, so let’s get started.
We start things off with the epitome of corny whitebread WGWAG music, Hey Soul Sister by one of the whitest music acts of the 2000s, Train. My goodness, this song is deprived of anything resembling quality. The instrumentation sounds like every WGWAG song out there, only with a ukulele at the forefront, making the song sound like the soundtrack to a crappy rom-com movie. Pat Monahan’s voice is just plain insufferable with every screech he makes. And we haven’t even gotten into the lyrics, which are ten levels of stupid.
Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you’re Madonna
Oh, and here’s my personal favorite.
So gangster, I’m so thug
Do I even need to explain why this line doesn’t work and how out-of-place it is in this pile of crap? Why did people like this song again?
2010 was the year Bieber became huge. And, of course, people hated him. His hit single, Baby, is one of the most universally-hated songs in existence. In retrospect, while Baby is a bad song, it’s not worst thing he’s ever made. That goes to Eenie Meenie, a collaboration with Sean Kingston. My God, this song blows. The hook of this stupid pop number literally has the phrase “eenie meenie miney moe lover.” How did this get past the cutting board? Who thought this a good idea? That line is a preview to the horrible, horrible lyrics of the rest of this song. Both Kingston and Bieber are uninteresting singers as they both sound like shit. Plus, there’s a rap in this song because of course it does. The day Bieber becomes completely irrelevant would be the same feeling as having all of your cancer cells completely destroyed, a great sense of relief.
Ugh. This song gives me a headache. It’s another slow club song about getting fucked up and it also mentions sizzurp. Nice. The beat is electro-pop trash and these dudes of Far East Movement can’t write or rap for shit. They could give will.i.am a run for his money in the bad lyrics department. The amount of Auto-Tune used here is atrocious, it sounds like it was performed by a bunch of glitching robots. The song samples a track from Dev, who’s also featured here. She’s as dull as a rock, so she doesn’t help. This is the type of music that the DJ plays at like 2 o’clock in the morning when there’s nothing else to play. In other words, it’s what I like to call club filler and this club filler became a number-one hit. Wow.
Here we have another rap song with a dance attached to it. Another addition to the rap dance portfolio alongside the jerk, the stanky leg, and the Superman. Thanks. On a serious note, this song is completely pointless as there’s only part of the song outside of the hook that talk about the Dougie (a dance that came from Texas and is being talked about by a California group), where they say “put your arms out and lean side-to-side,” and that’s it. The rest of the song talks about being cool and how women want them. Douchebags. The beat could’ve been a lot stronger for what they give us, which was just percussion and nothing else. This song would be Cali Swag District’s first and only hit. Thank fucking goodness for that.
Boy, do we have ourselves a treat here, ladies and gentlemen. And it’s from the Young Money, the label known for releasing mediocrity that’s always popular (mainly from the Big 3). Bedrock is one of the more infamous bad songs of the 2010s and for good reasons. Over a generic rap beat that could’ve only came from its time, the Young Money crew spouts a bunch of lame ass pick-up lines in an attempt to convince a chick to have sex with them. The punchlines range from accidental hilarity to face-palm inducing and there’s not one good rap verse. The worst person was easily Gudda Gudda, who came up with the legendary line, “and I got her, grocery bag.” And these are the people who Wayne wanted to put on the map. Way to set the bar high, dude.
Repetition makes brain hurt. Ow. So what’s wrong with this song? Well, there’s the fact that it repeats the phrase “Imma Be” THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE 4 MINUTE RUN-TIME OF THE SONG!! Even when the beat switches up halfway through, that phrase is still getting repeated. Even after you’re done listening to it, it’s still stuck in your head until you inflict some form of head trauma to get it out. Nothing needs that much repetition. Onto the rest of the song. Once again, the production is just noise with no tune (except near the end, which was more electro-shit) Fergie and will.i.am get the most shine and gives us more shit. Only one of the other guys gets a verse and he wastes time with more shit. Remember when The Black Eyed Peas weren’t so insufferable? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
My God, Usher. What the hell is this? This song is the musical equivalent to white noise. It was written and produced by featured artist will.i.am and you can easily tell. His influence leaks through Usher’s performance. The production is typical will.i.am production, just a bunch of tuneless synths with no melody and percussion, the lyrics are typical will.i.am writing and it makes Usher look like an unappealing douche (which is wrong because this is Usher we’re talking about), and will.i.am does a spectacular job wasting time. Usher doesn’t even sound like himself with the amount of Auto-Tune slapped onto his voice. Again, will.i.am influence. This is a total sellout. It’s pandering to whatever’s hot at the moment and I know Usher is capable of much better. What a shame. Usher…
A year after the Rihanna incident, Chris Brown digs himself into a deeper hole with more douchebaggy music like Deuces. You know those man-bashing songs where the woman blames the guy for everything that went wrong in a relationship? Imagine that with the roles reversed. That’s what Deuces is, it’s a woman-bashing song and it’s from a psychopathic misogynist. The lyrics are just hateful. Chris is being a douchebag a year after he used Rihanna’s face as a punching bag. Tyga and Kevin McCall don’t make things any better, saying things much worse. All three of them sound bitter about the relationship ending. Whoever these women are, they made a good decision not being with these idiots. Who knows what will happen in the long run?
My goodness. This song makes me feel sick. Like, literally sick from nausea. What we have here is a collaboration between 3OH!3 and Ke$ha called My First Kiss. Goody, a collaboration between two acts who appeal to idiotic drunk fraternities and sororities. The production is more electro-pop trash that’s a clusterfucks of synths clashing with just noise. It’s just unlistenable. Then you have 3OH!3 and Ke$ha talking about (surprise, surprise) their first kiss and it’s really, really disgusting. Making things worse is the constant kissing sounds throughout. I seriously want to throw up after hearing this. God, this sucks so much.
Before we get to #1, let’s go through some dishonorable mentions.
- Trey Songz ft Nicki Minaj-Bottoms Up
- Taylor Swift-Mine
- Enrique Iglesias ft Pitbull-I Like It
- Justin Bieber ft Ludacris-Baby
- New Boyz ft Ray J-Tie Me Down
- Nicki Minaj-Your Love
- Britney Spears-3
- David Guetta ft Akon-Sexy Bitch
- Ludacris-How Low
- Boys Like Girls-Two Is Better Than One
And finally, the number one worst song of 2010 is…..
God. Another headache-inducing piece of shit. What can I say about this? This whole thing is a mess. The production is sloppy and sterile. The lyrics are horribly-written and are a joke. Ke$ha is in full annoying white girl mode with her torturous, Auto-Tuned vocals. There’s also 3OH!3, being two obnoxious douchebags as usual. It’s a song about being annoyed by another person, which reflects my feelings about this turd. It’s so overly-processed, it doesn’t even feel real. No amount of talent or effort went into this. The fact that these idiots have record deals over some really talented people out there and achieving success is fucking depressing. At least 3OH!3 faded into obscurity where they belong. Ke$ha is still here, making more audio feces. *sigh*
So those were the top 10 worst songs of 2010. The year that pretty much told us where the industry is going. Next month, we’ll revisit the worst of 2011.