2011 seems to be a sign of things heading towards the better. The club boom started fading away, leaving room for other genres to thrive. Adele is who I consider to be the saving grace of 2010s popular music because things got better when she attained huge commercial success. But we’re not here to talk about the good, we’re here to talk about the bad, so let’s get into the bad.
In 2011, rock music was nearly dead on the charts with the exception of two acts, Foster The People and these four dickheads, Hot Chelle Rae (nice name, by the way). This song is generic crap. The instrumental is uninspired generic pop rock and the lyrics are ridiculously dumb. They’re just random as all hell and don’t connect with each other like getting a tattoo of Zach Galifianakis. I’m convinced that these guys were stoned as hell when they wrote this. Like they took too many hits of the bong and started writing. Yeah, that makes sense. Because there is no way anyone was sober when this was made. Still, what we’re left with is another forgettable pop rock track that pisses on rock music’s legacy.
Ah, David Guetta. One of the masters of making the same song over and over again. This is another one of his electro-pop turds that the clubs proudly blasts. It’s over-produced and over-processed. Flo Rida churns out another bland performance, making me ponder why he’s even around. The annoyance gets turned to maximum with Nicki Minaj, who is being her usual self, gibberish and cartoon voices. Also, the amount of vocal effects put on her voice, alongside Flo Rida, makes this crap even more phony. This song was released in a time when electro-club trash was at its peak and it blended in too perfectly.
I still don’t understand how this became a hit. I don’t. It doesn’t sound any different from any other generic mainstream hip-hop song out there. There’s nothing unique about No Hands that would make it stand out. This is just another strip club song with generic production that anyone with FL Studio can recreate. Do I even need to tell you what the song is about? The title should give you a hint. Roscoe Dash is on the hook and his voice is annoying as fuck. He can’t sing or rap for shit and he sounds like Spongebob on lean and crack at the same time. Waka Flocka Flame contributes only one verse to this shit and it sucks. Wale has the best verse out of all of them, but that’s not saying much since his verse is mediocre. How bad is it when you have shit like this becomes a hit?
A decade ago, Dr. Dre announced that he was gonna release the album Detox. It never got released due to numerous delays and there was leaked singles, including I Need A Doctor, which blows. In spite of the people behind it, it’s just so poorly put-together. We have this dull, poorly-mixed production courtesy of Alex Da Kid. Skylar Grey is so fucking bland on the chorus that she becomes a non-presence. The verses are just a circle jerk fest between Eminem and Dre complimenting each other with praises while Eminem is screaming at the top of his lungs at Dre to get up off of his ass and release an album. Both of their rapping sounds uninspired and weak. If Dre released Detox with songs like this on it, the album would have been a disaster.
The first Maroon 5 song that started the downfall of good songs from this group. This sounds more like a solo Adam Levine record than a Maroon 5 record. It’s that much of a sellout. The beat has this weird dubstep bass that sounds like a Transformer taking a shit (honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s how this song was made). Adam is singing about trying to impress some chicks by saying he can dance like Mick Jagger. Oh, and Christina Aguilera is in this and her part was pointless. By the way, I’m pretty sure most women probably don’t know much about The Rolling Stones aside from them being old, so if a guy compared himself to Mick Jagger to a woman, she’d probably picture an old, wrinkly man with arthritis and erectile dysfunction. Back to this song, it’s bad and Maroon 5 just got worse after this.
Another remnant of the club boom is Jeremih’s Down On Me, a boring ass R&B club song that has no business being a hit. The production is slow as shit and has not help up well through time. It goes for an atmospheric feel, but it falls flat on its ass. The lyrics are nothing you wouldn’t see in a typical strip club song with Jeremih being bland as shit on the chorus. And then there’s the chorus, where this dude is singing in Auto-Tune and it’s some of the worst use of Auto-Tune in a club song, which is saying a lot. 50 Cent makes an appearance and he was forgettable, doing exactly what we expect him to do. Why was this a hit again?
Oh, Chris Brown. Why do you make it hard for anyone to defend you? And to think I actually used to like this song. So this is Chris’ first hip-hop song that became a hit and aside from Busta Rhymes’ show stealing verse, it’s crap. Chris’ attempts at rapping are laughable and his douchebag ways oozes out of his performance. At the end of his verse, he rhymes dick with dick and then the beat cuts to silence like he thought he dropped the dopest verse ever when really, the engineer was so disgusted by what he had heard, he said “FUCK THIS SHIT” and quit immediately. You know you suck when Lil Wayne has a better verse than you. I doubt anyone wants to look at Chris now. He wants us to forgive him for the Rihanna incident and think he’s a good person when songs like this shows his true nature.
I hated New Boyz in high school. I really did. And there’s no reason for me to like them at all. They were the epitome of shitty rap made for the pop charts and this song, Backseat, is a perfect example of the low quality of music they’ve made. Produced by The Cataracs, the beat is electro-pop shit that would fit perfectly for Flo Rida. The New Boyz themselves are self-centered, horny douchebags with the most punchable faces in rap, spouting out the same cliched lyrics about picking up chicks and wanting to have sex with them. Another thing about the lyrics, they are terrible. Some of the most incompetent, amateurish lyrics written in rap with forced lines that reek of laziness or lines that don’t even rhyme with each other. This was one of the final nails in the coffin for the club boom that killed the trend off and for good reason. Crap like this can’t continue being successful. It’s too bad that some of the attitudes they contained has evolved into other styles.
Most of the music that Enrique Iglesias would make in the current decade sucks. They all fall under the umbrella of electro-pop club shit that ran rampant in 2010. One of his worst songs is Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You) or Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You). Ignoring the ugly, discordant electro-pop beat, this song is just creepy as hell as Enrique is hitting on a chick in the club and is sending off rape vibes, especially in the chorus, where he comes forceful and he tells this chick, after pardoning himself, that he’s going to have sex with her. Try this shit in real life and see where it gets you. Ludacris shows up, recycling the same flow he’s been using at the time and is generating an equally creepy vibe to match Enrique’s. Let’s move on because I don’t feel comfortable with this song.
Before we get to #1, let’s go through some dishonorable mentions.
- Luke Bryan-Country Girl (Shake It For Me)
- Katy Perry-E.T.
- Britney Spears-I Wanna Go
- Flo Rida-Good Feeling
- Lil Wayne-How To Love
- Dev-In The Dark
- Bruno Mars-The Lazy Song
- Jason Aldean ft Ludacris-Dirt Road Anthem
- Bad Meets Evil ft Bruno Mars-Lighters
And finally, the worst song of 2011 IS…..
The Black Eyed Peas. How far you have fallen and how you have continuously fallen. This song is proof of that. The Peas sampled (I’ve Had) The Time Of Our Lives from the movie Dirty Dancing and do the song as much justice as a college student copying someone else’s essay paper and not crediting them. The hook actually sounds decent until the drop where the production becomes techno-garbage and the phrase “dirty bit” (whatever the fuck that means) is constantly repeated. The verses are your typical BEP verses where they just brag and waste our time. will.i.am and Fergie unsurprisingly get the most shine with only one of the other guys getting his own verse and he resorts to the tired “rhyme swagger with Mick Jagger” lyric. This whole song is a waste of time, really.
So those were the top 10 worst songs of 2011. *sigh* Thank God for Adele. There won’t be a new post next week since it’s a holiday, but there will be one the week after. Have a fun and safe Halloween, everyone.