Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where I give my honest opinions on the Hot 100’s Top 40. I love the holidays. It just puts me in a good mood. Not only with Christmas, but with New Years as well. Before I start, I want to give a couple of updates on the site. First, the Hot 100 Top 40 Review. Starting next month, I’m going to use a new rating system that’s similar to the one on the Year-End Album Reviews. Second, I’m working on a new series that’ll be dedicated to movies I’ve watched because I wanted to talk about something that doesn’t involve music. And finally, I will also start posting on Saturdays and Tuesdays sometimes starting next month. Now that I got that out the way, let’s get started.
#40. The Blower’s Daughter-Matt McAndrew: I’m gonna skip this one because this is a song cover done by a contestant of The Voice. So I’m not rating this one. Next.
#39. Cool Kids-Echosmith: 00/00000
#38. Mary, Did You Know?-Pentatonix: Being that it is December, there’s bound to be a bunch of Christmas songs on the charts and airwaves. Honestly, I have no opinion on these songs because they all sound the same. Most of these songs are just covers of the classics. Every once in a while, you get an original song like the awesome This Christmas by Donny Hathaway (I’ll punch anyone who brings up the Chris Brown cover, though). But for the most part, these songs are very interchangeable and are about the same shit. Anyway, onto this song, which is also a cover. I have nothing, so skip it.
#37. Riptide-Vance Joy: Ehh. This song is alright. The guy’s an okay singer, the production is typical folky indie-rock, and the lyrics are a mixed bag. It’s not really a song I would listen to, but it’s not bad. Overall, I give it a 3 outta 5.
#36. Rather Be-Clean Bandit ft Jess Glynne: 00000/00000
#35. LA Love (La La)-Fergie: Did we really need a song from Fergie? In 2014, going into 2015? REALLY?! Onto this song, it’s crap. This is obviously Fergie’s sad attempt to fit in with the younger crowd. The beat is terrible, provided by DJ Condiments (what a surprise). The lyrics are nothing more than hollow bragging with no conviction and name-dropping cities and countries. The hook isn’t even a hook as it is just a bunch of la la las after city/country name-dropping. We need to set a new rule right now. Songwriters, if the hook of your song consists of mostly la la las, go back to the drawing board and start over. While this song isn’t as bad as London Bridge, it’s still pretty fucking bad. I give it a 1 outta 5.
#34. Make It Rain-Ed Sheeran: I don’t watch Sons of Anarchy, so I can’t comment on that show. So Ed Sheeran recorded this track for that particular show. It’s actually a cover of another song by an artist named Foy Vance. By this point, you should know that I’m not gonna review covers, so I’m skipping this one, even though I think it is pretty good.
#33. Lifestyle-Rich Gang ft Young Thug & Rich Homie Quan: 0/00000
#32. Only-Nicki Minaj ft Drake, Lil Wayne, & Chris Brown: So far, it looks like The Pinkprint is gonna be another terrible album for Nicki Minaj. Pills N Potions is a total snooze-fest and Anaconda is all levels of garbage. This is the third single, Only, and…….. oh, my God. The definition of incompetence should mention this song as an example. It’s a mess. You got a horribly simplistic beat that’s apparently produced by FIVE people. FIVE people made this basic-ass beat with this 4 note xylophone melody, minimal 808 drums with no real punch, and a one-note strings stab in the chorus. I could have made this beat all by myself, that’s how lazy it is. The worst part of this song is, of course, the lyrics. They’re nothing more than a bunch of poorly-done, cringe-worthy punchlines, a bunch of them about having sex with Nicki Minaj, plus, a laughable hook from Chris Brown. If this song plus the previous singles are a preview of The Pinkprint, it is not looking good at all. This shit gets a 1 outta 5.
#31. Chandelier-Sia: 0000/00000
#30. Black Widow-Iggy Azalea ft Bootleg Beyonce AKA Poor Man’s Rihanna AKA Rita Ora: 0/00000
#29. Beg For It-Iggy Azalea ft M0: Wow, Iggy. You really do not know how to pick singles, do you? So let me start off with this; this is the exact same song as Fancy, only with better production (but not good, either) and a different singer. This is yet another sex song with a bunch of hit-or-miss punchlines (mostly misses). The singer, M0 (who probable has the weirdest name for a pop singer), is a HUGE improvement over Charli XCX, but the lyrics don’t give her much to work with. Overall, another lackluster song from Iggy Azalea which doesn’t work on any level. I give it a 2 outta 5.
#28. CoCo-O.T. Genasis: With the amount of terrible rap songs by Rae Sremmurd, ILOVEMAKONNEN, Bobby Schmurda, and their like on the charts right now and the fact that 3005 by Childish Gambino hasn’t made the Top 40 and i by Kendrick Lamar only peaked at #39, this doesn’t surprise me at all. This song is another example of Vine rap, which are songs that become famous thanks to Vine videos, and just like a lot of Vine rap, this one is terrible. The beat is generic, lifeless trap. The hook is repetitive as fuck, it’s just O.T. Genasis proclaiming his love for cocaine like he’s Tyrone Biggums or something (yes, I know Tyrone Biggums is a crackhead, but crack is just solid cocaine, so it makes sense). The verses are just him rapping in a Jamaican accent about being a cocaine dealer. Never since the last Rick Ross record has there been a song about drugs with little to no subtlety. There is no way anybody takes this shit seriously. This is nothing more than a joke, a joke that’s not even funny anymore. It gets a 1 outta 5.
#27. Trumpets-Jason Derulo: 0/00000
#26. Centuries-Fall Out Boy: 00000/00000
#25. Don’t Tell Em-Jeremih ft YG: 0/00000
#24. Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran: This is a nice ballad. I like the simple but effective production. The lyrics are pretty good. This might be some of Ed Sheeran’s best singing to date as he shows off the strength of his vocals very well. Like I said before, I wasn’t that impressed with him when he first came out, but now I look forward to seeing what else Ed Sheeran has to offer. I give this a song a 5 outta 5.
#23. Stay With Me-Sam Smith: 00000/00000
#22. Blame-Calvin Harris ft John Newman: 0000/00000
#21. Hot Nigga-Bobby Schmurda: 0/00000
#20. No Type-Rae Sremmurd: 0/00000
#19. Bang Bang-Jessie J, Ariana Grande, & Nicki Minaj: 0/00000
#18. Waves-Mr. Probz: 00000/00000
#17. Don’t-Ed Sheeran: 00000/00000
#16. Tuesday-ILOVEMAKONNEN ft Drake: 0/00000
#15. The Hanging Tree-James Newton Howard ft Jennifer Lawrence: Lemme say this, The Hunger Games is fucking awesome. These movies make the Twilight Saga look like cow manure (then again, cow manure itself makes the Twilight Saga look like cow manure). I have yet to see Mockingjay Part 1, though I do plan to see it eventually. Now how do I feel about this song, The Hanging Tree? In spite of the fact that Jennifer Lawrence hated the song, I love it. I really do. I like the build-up in this song, how it starts off simple with very quiet vocals from Jennifer, but then it builds up to epicness with the symphonic orchestral instruments. It’s one hell of an experience and I bet it’ll be even better when I finally see the movie. I give this a 5 outta 5.
#14. I Don’t Fuck With You-Big Sean ft E40: 0/00000
#13. 7/11-Beyonce: It seems like Beyonce’s music just gets worse with every album she releases. This shit is on par with Diva, it’s that bad. The beat sounds like every other mainstream rap song out there, the lyrics are just nonsense, and Beyonce’s performance is just straight-up lazy. She was always at her best when she’s doing R&B, but when it comes to hip-hop, oh, boy, does she fails. I don’t see why feels the need to make this ratchet-ass bullshit when she’s 33 years old with a daughter. She really needs to grow up and have some dignity for herself because this shit is embarrassing. This gets a 1 outta 5.
#12. The Heart Wants What It Wants-Selena Gomez: 00/00000
#11. Habits (Stay High)-Tove Lo: 0000/00000
#10. Love Me Harder-Ariana Grande ft The Weeknd: 0000/00000
#9. Jealous-Nick Jonas: 0/00000
#8. Lips Are Movin-Meghan Trainor: This is All About That Bass part 2. Seriously, that’s what this song is. The production’s the same 60s style doo-wop, the vocals are the same, hell, she even references the song a bunch of times. How lazy do you have to be to try and recreate your big hit? The only difference is the topic, where she talks about her ex., and there’s a rap (not joking, either; she actually raps and it’s not that good). Now a lot of people hate this song and while it’s not a good song and I can see why people don’t like it, I don’t hate it. Even though the production is the same as All About That Bass, it’s still good production and the vocals are pretty decent. Overall, this song is pretty average. I give it a 3 outta 5.
#7. I’m Not The Only One-Sam Smith: 00000/00000
#6. Shake It Off-Taylor Swift: 0/00000
#5. Uptown Funk-Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars: This song is four and a half minutes of awesomeness. I love it. The production is funky as all hell, having a retro 70s/80s funk sound. The lyrics have a lot of arrogance and it fits and works for this song. There is no doubt that the one person who stole the show is Bruno Mars, bringing a lot of swagger to the track. Words alone cannot describe how much I enjoy Uptown Funk. It it just nonstop fun and is a welcome change of pace from the boring and dreary. No question about it, it gets a 5 outta 5.
#4. Animals-Maroon 5: 0/00000
#3. All About That Bass-Meghan Trainor: 000/00000
#2. Take Me To Church-Hozier: 00000/00000
#1. Blank Space-Taylor Swift: 0/00000
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of December 13, 2014. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. Next week, Part II of the Year End Album Reviews and the week after, my magnum opus of the year AKA the Top 10 Worst Songs of 2014 list.