Target Practice

Target Practice: Drake “Best I Ever Had”

Target Practice

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. What’s there to say about Mr. Aubrey Graham AKA Drake? The former Degrassi kid benefitted the most from Lil Wayne’s co-sign and he used that to become one of the world’s biggest rappers. Everybody has an opinion on Drake, whether it be positive or negative. I’ve already shared my opinion on him, which is that I’m not a fan. He’s not bad, but something about his music prevents me from caring about him and wanting to listen to more and I think it has something to do with his first big hit, which is today’s Target Practice victim. This is Best I Ever Had.

You know alot of girls be
Thinkin’ my songs are about them, but
This is not to get confused
This one’s for you

Oh, how sweet. Drake is dedicating this song to that one woman in his life. If only this wasn’t a corny tactic used for all cheesy love ballads.

Baby, you my everything
You all I ever wanted
We could do it real big
Bigger than you ever done it
You’ll be up on everything
Other hoes ain’t ever on it
I want this forever
I swear I can spend whatever on it
‘Cause she hold me down
Every time I hit her up
When I get right
I promise that we gon’ live it up
She made me beg for it
‘Til she give it up
And I say the same thing every single time

And now we’ve ventured into boy band territory with these lyrics, well, except for that “other hoes ain’t ever on it,” which means Drake has other girls and is a cheating douchebag. Nice going, Aubrey. Now I see why some people look up to you.

I say you the fuckin’ best
You the fuckin’ best
You the fuckin’ best
You the fuckin’ best
You the best I ever had
Best I ever had
Best I ever had
Best I ever had
I say you the fuckin’…

Who says this in real life? This phrasing is cartoonishly ridiculous. He says this so much, it sounds less like he’s complimenting his girl and more like he’s pleading with her to not leave. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe there are women out there who likes a guy to call her the “fuckin’ best” and that they were the best that a dude has ever had. Considering Drake has a large female fanbase, I wouldn’t be surprised if that were true.

Know you got a roommate
Call me when there’s no one there

So this girl Drake is talking about has a roommate and he wants her to call him when she’s alone. Likely scenario, Drake is dating a college chick and her roommate doesn’t like him. That roommate must like tacos more than sausage if that’s the case.

Put the key under the mat
You know I’ll be over there
(Yup!) I’ll be over there
Shorty, I’ll be over there
I’ll be hittin’ all the spots that you ain’t even know was there

The hell was that? Did Trey Songz just came outta nowhere and just yelped? What is that doing here? It’s like Trey walked into the studio the day Drake was recording this song and decided for the fun of it, walk into a mic and be a dick. I was gonna talk about the line where Drake is gonna stop by the girl’s dorm room for some rough sex, but I just can’t get over that yelp.

And you don’t even have to ask twice
You could have my heart or we can share it like the last slice

That’s not the best thing you should do. She can break your heart and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. No wonder this guy can’t even stay with one woman, he’s constantly moving too fast in the whole relationship thing. Soon, Drake will be that old creepy guy in the club trying to pick up women young enough to be his daughter or granddaughter.

Always felt like you was so accustomed to the fast life
Have a nigga thinkin’ that he met you in a past life

So this girl is used to dating rappers. You might want to be careful with this one, Aubrey. She might have a track record of former dudes that makes Kim Kardashian’s record look minuscule.

Sweatpants hair tied chillin’ with no make-up on
That’s when you’re the prettiest
I hope that you don’t take it wrong

That’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, telling a girl she looks fine when she looks like utter shit. Don’t believe me? Dudes with girlfriends/wives, look at your significant other when she wakes up in the morning and tell me if she looks the prettiest. You’d be lying if you said yes.

You don’t even trip when friends say
You ain’t bringin’ Drake along

Really now? She doesn’t have a problem with her friends wanting to be around you? I’m calling bullshit on that because no woman wants another woman too close to their man. Women are naturally jealous of other women. I thought you would know that by now.

You know that I’m workin’
I’ll be there as soon as I make it home

Yes, being a famous rapper is time-consuming. After touring, Drake will stop by his girl’s place smelling like ass and pussy. He’s such a loyal guy.

And she a patient in my waitin’ room

You do know that metaphor makes you looks shitty, right? If she were a patient in your waiting room and you were a doctor, that means you have other patients (AKA side chicks) and you keep her waiting, which is not a good thing. Do rappers even pay attention to the shit they write down and record?

Never pay attention to the rumors and what they assume
And until them girls prove it
I’m the one that never get confused wit cause

“Yes, forget the hating-ass bitches making up rumors about us. They’re just hating because our love is eternal and unbreakable……….. right?” On to the second verse.

Sex, love, pain, baby I be on that Tank shit
Buzz so big I could probably sell a blank disc
When my album drop, bitches’ll buy it for the picture
And niggas’ll buy it too and claim they got it for their sister

Uhh, wait. Weren’t you talking about you and your girlfriend’s relationship? Why the hell are you bragging about how famous you are? This has nothing to do with the first verse. At all.

Magazine, paper girl, but money ain’t the issue
They bring dinner to my room and ask me to initial

Dude, this is supposed to be a love song. Now is not a good time to be bragging. Leave that for your other songs. Please, STAY ON-TOPIC.

She call me ‘the referee’ cause I be so official
My shirt ain’t got no stripes but I can make your pussy whistle

image
……………………………………

Like the Andy Griffith theme song

Thanks for ruining The Andy Griffith Show for me, Drake. I really appreciate it, you fucking bastard.

And who told you to put them jeans on?

And who told you that was a hot line? Seriously, that person needs their head examined. Preferably with a Louisville Slugger. Eww… Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I need a moment to recover from that particular lyric.

image

Okay. I’m back. *sigh* Let’s continue.

Double cup love, you the one I lean on
Feelin’ for a fix, then you should really get your fiend on

Oh, look. Another rapper making a reference to codeine or cough syrup (also known as sizzurp, lean, purple drank, etc). Didn’t these rappers learn a thing from DJ Screw or Pimp C, both who died from an overdose of this crap?

Yeah, just know my condo is the crack spot

You’re a famous rapper. Why are you selling crack? Is Wayne and Birdman not paying you enough? Is that show money short? It can’t be considering your status.

Every single show she out there reppin’ like a mascot
Get it from the back and make your fuckin’ bra strap pop
All up in your slot ’til a nigga hit the jackpot
I’m sayin’

This can’t be the same chick from the first verse. He’s obviously talking about some random groupie he had a one-night stand with. This won’t sit well with his girl because if she finds out what Aubrey’s been doing behind her back, shit is gonna end up looking like Jerry Springer. Anywho, the song ends with an outro where Drake shamelessly name-drops Young Money and desperately begs the listener to dedicate the song to their loving companion. No thank you.

This song… isn’t bad, but not great, either. This is probably the first time I did a Target Practice on a song that isn’t terrible in spite of the tagline “where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot.” The beat is nice and Drake does have some clever lines. But what kills the song overall and prevents me from liking it is how inconsistent the lyrics are. In spite of the jokes I’ve made, the first verse was actually pretty good, detailing his relationship with the woman of his life, complementing her and being there for her. It’s just that second verse that ruins everything. It’s like Drake ran out of things to say that continues from the previous verse and then just started bragging about how awesome he is, throwing off the mood. The first verse, he was a likable asshole (that was an oxymoron), in the second verse, he was a detestable asshole. This song was my introduction to Drake and it is the perfect capsulation of his artistry, someone who is more capable than what he currently is and almost six years since this song was released, that, sadly, hasn’t changed. Next Target Practice, we look at a single from Young Money’s head honcho.

Peace!!

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