Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Let’s talk about Nicki Minaj… again. It’s not exactly news that I’m not a fan of Onika Maraj (yes, that’s her real name), but just like Drake, she’s capable of more than what she is, but she keeps screwing that up with horrible song after horrible song, relying on gimmicks instead of actual talent. Even with her new “toned-down” look and direction she took for her most recent album, she still relies on her old tricks to hide the fact that she doesn’t really have much to say. She’s finally become the “female Weezy” like she claimed before, someone with potential who threw it all away by recycling the same garbage. Today’s Target Practice is Nicki’s latest single which features label-mate Aubrey Graham, their mentor Dwayne Michael Carter, and the R&B douchebag himself Chris Brown. This is Only.
I’m sorry. Can we talk about this artwork first? I… *laughs* I don’t even know what the hell I’m even looking at. You got Wayne wearing a suit WAY too big for him, Drake dressed like a priest in spite of the fact that he’s Jewish, and Nicki in what appears to be a skin-tight leather outfit with humongous boobs (her spine must be aching from supporting all of that weight) and the Young Money logo is on both her outfit and Drake’s priest hat. Even more funny, Chris Brown is nowhere to be seen. That has to be some metaphor for him. What the fuck is going on in this cover art? That is a red flag letting us know that nothing good will come out of this. Let’s get started.
Yo, I never fucked Wayne, I never fucked Drake
On my life, man, fuck’s sake
Best way to start a verse, saying you never had sex with your peers. Honestly, I don’t care who you did or didn’t sleep with, but the tone of your voice, plus the fact that this is how you start the song, makes it seem like you’re in denial. I’m not saying, I’m just saying. No need to be defensive about it.
If I did I’d Minaj wid’ him and let ’em eat my ass like a cupcake
Eww. I’m never eating cupcakes again thanks to you, Nicki. You ruined cupcakes for everyone. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
My man full, he just ate, I don’t duck nobody but tape
Yea, that was a setup for a punchline on duct tape
Wow. That was painfully horrible. You just gave up, didn’t you? You know your punchline failed when you feel like you have to explain it afterwards. That’s just insulting to the listener’s intelligence.
Worried ’bout if my butt fake
Worry ’bout ya’ll niggas, us straight
Then quit worrying about everything people say about you, Nicki. Your response to criticism stinks of insecurity.
These girls are my sons, Jon and Kate plus eight
Two reasons why this line doesn’t work and makes no fucking sense: one, you meant to say daughters, not sons since sons would imply that you’re talking about dudes and not females, and two, you do realize that Jon and Kate have both sons AND daughters, not just sons. In short, your punchline FAILS.
When I walk in, sit up straight, I don’t give a fuck if I was late
Well, with that attitude, you probably don’t mind losing your job.
Dinner with my man on a G5 is my idea of an update
……………………….. Okay, that was a clever line. I’ll give you that one.
Hut one, hut two, big titties, big butt too
And that’s the only reason why people pay attention to you. Also, what do these lines have to do with each other? Oh, wait. I know. Their only purpose is filler because Nicki couldn’t come up wit anything else here.
Fuck with them real niggas who don’t tell niggas what they up to
Had to show bitches where the top is, ring finger where the rock is
Dez hoes couldn’t test me even if they name was pop quiz
I got nothing here. It’s just a bunch of bragging and dissing. Next.
Bad bitches who I fuck wit’, mad bitches we don’t fuck wit’
I don’t fuck wit’ them chickens unless they last name is cut let
“Fuc wit'” and “cut let” does not rhyme. I don’t care what excuses are made for this, they don’t rhyme.
Let it soak in like seasoning
No. I’m not gonna let that soak in because your lyrics are fucking dumb. They’re not worthy of that.
And tell them bitches, blow me, Lance Stephenson
Well, that line blows.
Also, are we really using the hashtag flow? In 2015? I thought we left that shit behind back in 2010. Ugh. Onto the hook sung by Chris Brown.
Raise every bottle and cup in the sky
Sparks in the air like the fourth of July
Nothing but bad bitches in here tonight
Oh, if you lame and you know it be quiet
Nothing but real niggas only, bad bitches only
Rich niggas only, independent bitches only
Boss niggas only, thick bitches only
I got my real niggas here by my side, only
Wow. This hook actually contrasts the whole song. Looking at the hook, you’d think this might be a club song about partying, but the verses, the production, and the overall atmosphere of this song tells another story. So basically, this hook contributes nothing at all. Onto the second verse, courtesy of Drake.
I never fucked Nicki cause she got a man
But when that’s over then I’m first in line
They’re really trying so hard to sell this idea of these dudes not having sex with Nicki Minaj. It’s just like those dudes who talking about keeing it real when they’re not. Also, nice to see that Aubrey is thinking with his dick instead of his brain.
And the other day in her Maybach
I thought God damn, this is the perfect time
We had just come from that video
You know LA traffic, how the city slow
You know what Drake is starting to sound like? He sounds like that guy trying to get with the girl who friendzoned him. That’s what I hear. These are the thoughts of a thirsty man. Drake is probably one of those guys who posts an emoji under one of Nicki’s scantily-clad Instagram pictures.
She was sitting down on that big butt
But I was still staring at the titties though
Drake, that line was so bad and cringeworthy that you have to slap yourself with your own hand for how bad it is. And this is the guy who the mainstream world is trying to crown best rapper alive. Lines like this are a reason why that’s never happening.
Yea, low key or maybe high key
I been peeped that you like me, you know
Who the fuck you really wanna be with besides me?
I mean, it doesn’t take much for us to do this shit quietly
Dude, she just friendzoned you. Why are you trying to act like some mack daddy all of a sudden? MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND!!
I mean, she say I’m obsessed with thick women and I agree
Yea, that’s right, I like my girls BBW, yea
You do realize what a BBW is, right? I mean, you’ve obviously watched porn, so you should have a clear idea of what a BBW is, which is what Nicki Minaj looks nothing like, at all.
Type to wanna suck you dry and then eat some lunch with you
Yeah, so thick that everybody else in the room is so uncomfortable
Ass on Houston Texas, but the face look just like Claire Huxtable
Dude, look at what I just said previously. There’s a HUGE difference between curvy and thick. You’re basically telling us you’re into fat girls, not curvy ones. Again, big difference.
Oh, yea, you the man in the city when the mayor fuck with you
The NBA players fuck with you
The bad ass bitches doing makeup and hair fuck with you
I wold complain about this having nothing to do with what he was saying previously, but this whole song is just like that, so I won’t. Once again, Drake is being a douchebag. What a surprise.
Oh, that’s cause I believe in something, I stand for it
Yeah, I’m calling bullshit on this. The only reason these people are cool with you is because you’re rich and famous. If you didn’t have any of these things, nobody would give a fuck about you.
And Nicki if you ever try to fuck
Just give me the heads up so I can plan for it
Considering your status in the friendzone, that sure as hell ain’t happening. Now for the final verse from Lil Wayne. How much fail does he have for us now?
I never fucked Nic and that’s fucked up
If I did fuck she’d be fucked up
Oh, my God!! Just shut up about the Nicki Minaj sex already!! I DON’T CARE!! Also, rhyming “fucked up” with “fucked up.” Genius.
Whoever is hittin’ ain’t hittin’ it right
Cause she act like she need dick in her life
Yeah, she does act like that a lot, especially if you look at her lyrics.
But that’s another story, I’m no story teller
Well, you’re right about that if you look at your music overall. Wait. Is Wayne starting to show self-awareness of his shittiness? Maybe he’s starting to acknowledge the declining quality of his music, meaning he’ll start putting effort into his music and make timeless classics with the highest quality, improved lyricism, and-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, please.
I piss greatness like goldish yellow
Gross. Again, what is with Young Money artists and these disgusting lyrics? Though Wayne is right about one thing. Whatever greatness he has left is being pissed away with every shitty song.
All my goons so overzealous
We don’t believe you, you need more people.
I’m from Hollygrove, the holy Mecca
Thank you for letting us know where you’re from, Wayne. We could’ve figured that out with a Google search, but thanks for that.
Calendar say I got money for days
I squirm and I shake, but I’m stuck in my ways
And yet I can’t find a fuck to give.
My girlfriend would beat a bitch up if she waved
They bet not fuck with her surfboard, surfboard
Wait. Your girl would beat up another woman just for waving at both of you? She is way too aggressive. You probaly can’t even meet your female fans without her starting some shit. You need to cut her off, dude. Plus, Wayne gives us a reference to Drunk In Love. LAME!!
My eyes are so bright, I take cover for shade
Don’t have my money? Take mother’s instead
You got the hiccups, you swallow the truth
More punchline fun with Lil Wayne, with some of these not making sense like the second line. Don’t have his money, take mother’s instead? What?
Then I make you burp, boy, street beef like sirloin
I’m talkin’ bout running in houses with army guns
So think about your son and daughter rooms
Got two hoes wit me, messed up, they got smaller guns
Ain’t thinkin’ ’bout your son and daughter rooms
If you ever play Lil Wayne Bingo, one of the categories that should be used is Wayne threatening to kill someone. That never gets old.
This shit is crazy, my nigga
I been praising, my nigga
That money talk, I just rephrase it, my nigga
Ah, here’s another category; rhyming nigga with nigga. Good to see some traditions never die.
Bloodgang take the B off behavior, my nigga
Dude, enough with the fake Blood-repping. No one believes you before, no one believes you now. Give it a rest.
For reals if you mouth off I blow your face off
I mean pop-pop-pop then I take off, nigga
So Wayne is gonna shoot someone for criticizing him. Hypersensitive, anyone?
Now you see me, nigga, now you don’t
Like Jamie Foxx acting like Ray Charles
…….. I won’t comment on this because I have nothing. Next.
16 in the clip, one in the chamber
17 ward bully with 17 bullets
More gun talk and my God, this is boring. How long is this song?
My story is how I went from poor me
To please pour me a drink and celebrate with me
So what Wayne wants us to take from him is that he went from poverty to being a superstar. If only we didn’t have to suffer through five minutes of sex talk, arrogance, indulgence, and violence. Well, at least it’s over.
This song sucks ass. How a song like this got past the cutting board, I’ll never know. The minimal production sucks hard. There’s no melody and it repeats itself a lot with very little change. You’d think a beat made by FIVE people would have more texture than this. The verses are awful, they’re basically a bunch of poorly-executed metaphors and punchlines with very little cleverness and wit and is all talking about random shit like whether or not Drake and Wayne fucked Nicki and bragging about themselves. There is no central theme or topic and it’s made worse by the chorus from Chris Brown, which is so detached from everything else going on. Worst of all, this song has no purpose. What is this song trying to do? Who and what is it for? It’s too slow and boring for the clubs, it’s too long for radio play, and it’s not satisfying to listen to by yourself wherever you are. It is cold and emotionally unattached and yet, it still became a hit thanks to the names attached. I will never understand people. Next Target Practice, Young Money Month comes to an end with two words: Rich Gang.