Random WTF Lyrics

Random WTF Lyrics #1


Welcome to Random WTF Lyrics where I pick ten random bad lyrics from ten random songs. This is a new segment here at Nerd With An Afro that’s basically an extension of the Target Practices and I plan to do this on a regular basis. These aren’t reviews, they’re just me making fun of lyrics that are either confusing or just plain stupid and nonsensical. And this applies to both good and bad songs of different genres. Let’s get started.

Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran

Now this first lyric comes from a song that I actually like, but this line just bugs me.

And, darling, I will be loving you ’til we’re 70

Until you’re 70, huh? What happens then, you just dump her and find another younger woman who’ll take care of your old wrinkly ass? I know what Ed is trying to say, that he’ll love this girl forever, but when you mention an actual age, it kinda makes you look like an unfaithful douche. Dude, your priorities are kinda fucked up.

Hold Me Back-Rick Ross

I look in my fridge, my shit lookin’ scarce

Maybe it’s because you ate everything in the fridge. Go to the grocery store, buy some food, and control your appetite. Hell, while you’re shopping, get yourself some of those pears that you love so much.

These niggas won’t hold me back [x4]
These hoes won’t hold me back
These hoes wanna hold me back [x3]

Dude, who’s capable of holding you back? You’re like 350 pounds. No human being is capable of stopping you. Maybe I should stop because I’m just doing fat jokes.

Netflix-2 Chainz ft Fergie

Let’s make a sex tape and put it on Netflix

2 Chainz, you can’t upload videos on Netflix. At all. Netflix is a video-streaming service that allows subscribers access to movies, TV shows, documentaries, etc., for a monthly fee, but it doesn’t allow them to actually upload content. If he had said Youtube instead of Netflix, it would make more sense since you can upload videos on YouTube. But we’re still left with a bad lyric and plus, even if you could upload videos on Netflix, they wouldn’t allow a sex tape since pornographic material is restricted.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together-Taylor Swift

And you would hide away and find your peace of mind
With some indie record that’s much cooler than mine

Really, Taylor? Really? You’re dissing your ex because he’d rather listen to an indie rock record than your shitty songs? I’d say he has good taste, but what you just said is just scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to insults. There’s a word for people who act like you and it’s called shallow. I can’t stand when people criticize others for their music taste and act like theirs are superior. I may have said subjective things on this site, but I always try to avoid insulting people for listening to music that I don’t particularly like because music is a subjective thing. What some people might like, others won’t. And this applies to both fans of mainstream and underground music.

Ignorant underground music fan: “U like katy perry? Your a fukking gay sheep lissenin to what gay ass radio tells u to listen to.”

Ignorant mainstream music fan: “U like the black keys? lol virgin hipster nerd loser lissenin to muzik nobody lissens 2.”

You’re both equally shallow assholes.

Don’t Panic-French Montana

If you a star, I’m a whole planet

You do realize stars are bigger than planets, right? French Montana, it’s obvious you flunked science class because that is basic science and you couldn’t even get that right. By saying what you just said, you admit being smaller than another dude, which is what a lot of rappers wouldn’t brag about, meaning your punchline backfired big time.

Next up, we have a classic from Biggie Smalls.

Me And My Bitch-Notorious B.I.G.

When I met you I admit my first thoughts was to trick
You look so good huh, I suck on your daddy’s dick (yeah)

Uhhhhhh…. so your girl is so attractive that you would give her father a BJ? ……….. What made you come to that conclusion where you would blow her father? Wow. It couldn’t get any gayer than that, right?

She Will-Lil Wayne ft Drake

Now jump up on that dick and do a full split (Uh)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!! This is a family program. Get a room, you two. The audacity. On a serious note, I actually find this part of the song funny where the verse transitions to the hook. The fact that Wayne says jump on it and do a full split and it’s followed by Drake going “Uh” brings nonstop giggles. That was the worst time for that because it brings up very suggestive imagery. Add that line, plus the previous Biggie line, to the Unintentionally Gay Rap Moments portfolio. I feel like I’m gonna need that portfolio as I get through these.

Trumpets-Jason Derulo

Is it weird that your ass
Remind me of a Kanye West song?

Yes, actually, it is. What Kanye West song were you thinking of that this chick’s butt reminded you of? I don’t normally think of a song when I see a woman’s ass, maybe Baby Got Back and the hundreds of other songs about butts. Thinking again, with all of the times Kanye has talked about sex in his music, he never made an actual butt song.

Is it weird that your bra
Remind me of a Katy Perry song?

Boobs. He’s talking about boobs.

Post To Be-Omarion ft Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko

Omarion has a new single out. Yeah. For those who don’t know, Omarion was a member of an R&B boy band from the early 2000s called B2K. When the group eventually went their seperate ways, he went solo and had hits like O, Touch, and the Timbaland-produced Ice Box, plus he did some acting, most notably in You Got Served. Now, he’s signed to Rick Ross’ Maybach Music label and has a new song with Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko, produced by DJ Mustard. This is gonna be a disaster.

I might let your boy chauffeur me
But he got to eat the booty like groceries

NO. Not you too, Jhene. You’re a good artist, hell, you’re the only good thing on this shit and you come in with this? Eat the booty like groceries? Eww. First, Nicki Minaj wants her ass eaten like a cupcake, now this? What is with these female artists wanting their salads tossed and comparing it to actual food? Please don’t let this be the most successful thing Jhene Aiko is on because this does not represent her artistry well. On the other hand, I’m sure Kevin Gates would love these chicks.

Don’t Shoot-The Game ft a shitload of rappers (plus DJ Khaled)

Last year, there were two publicized cases involving unarmed black men being killed by police officers who didn’t face any charges after, Eric Garner and Michael Brown. Police brutality and racial profiling isn’t exactly a new thing, but these two cases increased the need to address these issues, where the justice system fails to carry out any actual justice and not convict someone because they’re wearing a badge. In response to these incidents, a whole bunch of rappers got together to record a protest song called Don’t Shoot. One of the problems of this song (aside from it being too long, too many rappers, and not being good overall) is that they didn’t bother getting any A-list rappers. No Kanye, Jay Z, Drake, Lil Wayne, Kendrick Lamar, etc., just a bunch of B-listers and below and a bunch of nobodies, plus P Diddy. Speaking of…

Yo, come on we gotta stick together, we all we got
Police taking shots and I ain’t talkin’ bout Ciroc

Really, Puffy? REALLY?! Was this the best time for you to mention your brand of vodka? A song protesting injustice and violence, you start your verse with this? Jesus, as corny as We Are The World is, at least there wasn’t any shameless product placement.

We are the world

We are the children

We are the ones who drink Pepsi, the choice of a new generation

Oh, we’re not done yet.

Now we throwing Molotovs in this holocaust
And I know they hate to hear me screaming, ‘I’m a Boss!’

You, too, Rick Ross. REALLY?! This is not the time for you to brag about being awesome. I would forgive these rappers if they have good intentions for this track, but seeing as how these people always embrace self-indulgence and have no problems being marketing whores, this kinda behavior doesn’t surprise me.

So that was Random WTF Lyrics. No bad lyrics are safe.