Welcome back to another Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review where I review the 40 most popular songs of the United States according to Billboard. Valentine’s Day is near. To me (and probably most people), it’s just another day. Let’s get started.
#40. Get Ur Freak On-Missy Elliott: During Katy Perry’s Super Bowl half-time show, Missy Elliott showed up to perform her big hits. I didn’t see the half-time show because I didn’t want to suffer hearing Katy’s godawful songs, but thanks to that performance, Missy got a huge boost in downloads and streams of her music, henceforth her music being on the charts again. Nearly 15 years later, Get Ur Freak On is still a classic. An excellent haunting beat courtesy of Timbaland, super fire verses, and nonstop energy and fun. This is still a better party/club song than most party/club songs today and it will keep the party going for years to come. I give it an A.
#39. Elastic Heart-Sia: I’m very ambivalent when it comes to Sia. She isn’t bad, but nothing great either. Her latest single, Elastic Heart, is just okay, but it is a better song than Chandelier. The production is okay, the lyrics are okay, Sia herself is okay. This won’t have any spot on my playlist, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it. I give this a B.
#38. Bang Bang-Jessie J, Ariana Grande, & Nicki Minaj: F
#37. Tuesday-ILOVEMAKONNEN ft Drake: F
#36. Ayo-Chris Brown & Tyga: It’s February and already we have a contender for worst song of 2015. This is basically Loyal part 2. It’s got the same shitty DJ Mustard reject beat produced by the same people, Tyga has a verse on here, and the song is just these two dick-holes being assholes to women. It’s not fun in any way, it’s hateful and disgusting just like Loyal. I think it’s time we stop giving Chris Brown any attention and not buy his music, same goes for Tyga. This is shit. No, this is beyond shit. This is if shit took a shit and that shit took a shit and that shit decided to record a song while taking a shit. That’s how awful Ayo is. This gets an F.
#35. Work It-Missy Elliott: Ah, yes. Another classic from Missy Elliott. What’s there to say about Work It? It’s one of her signature songs and a party/club staple. It’s not her best song nor is it perfect, but it’s still a damn good song. It has great production, good verses in spite of some questionable lines, and Missy has a lot of presence. This song has a lot of sex talk, but it’s tolerable and is done better than a lot of female artists *coughs* Nicki Minaj *coughs*. There is no other artist like Missy and Work It stands out from a lot of songs in the mainstream. I give this a B.
#34. Heartbeat Song-Kelly Clarkson: I don’t feel any type of way about Kely Clarkson. She can sing and she has some cool songs, but nothing that makes me want to keep listening or make me a fan. Her newest single, Heartbeat Song, doesn’t help matters. The worst reaction one could get out of a song is none. At least a song that annoyed you, disgusted you, or pissed you off left some impact onto you. This song didn’t leave any impact on me. Everything about this song is bland; the production, the lyrics, the structure, the performance. I got nothing out of this. I give it a D.
#33. Riptide-Vance Joy: C
#32. Chandelier-Sia: B
#31. G.D.F.R.-Flo Rida ft Sage The Gemini & The Lookas: Okay, seriously. What the hell is this doing here? I thought we were done with Flo Rida back in 2013. So, this is G.D.F.R., which stands fo going down for real, and just like EVERY Flo Rida song, it sucks. The beat is a cheap repetitive knock-off of Talk Dirty; it’s like Flo Rida decided to make this song as a response to criticism of his EDM club shit and also appeal to the hip-hop crowd that rejected him years ago when he released Right Round. Once again, Flo Rida doesn’t show off any skill or personality, anyone could’ve made this song. Even better, he recruited the genius behind Gas Pedal, Sage The Gemini, on here to contribute more blandness. This song was released last year and just now, it’s gaining traction on the charts. My guess for this happening now is because of either Vine or the fact that every goddamn sports event plays this shit nonstop. Ugh. Wanna know what’s going dow for real? This song getting an F.
#30. Prayer In C-Lillywood & Robin Schulz: Here we have another song that got big off of a Robin Schulz remix. The original song was fine in spite of being slow, but I like the remix more. The faster tempo guitar fits with the house production and subtle vocals. Lyrically, it’s not anything special, the production is no doubt the best part. It’s a good song, but not perfect. I give it a B.
#29. Earned It-The Weeknd: I have never read Fifty Shades Of Gray, but from what I’ve heard, it’s a piece of shit that’s nothing more than badly-written Twilight fan fiction porn. And the movie adaptation is out in theaters and it’s already gotten bad reviews with a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes as I speak. And hell, no, I’m not gonna watch it. Why would I pay $15 for a porno when it’s on the internet for free? I’m getting sidetracked. Onto this song, which was written for the movie soundtrack. The Weeknd is an artist with more potential than he shows. I can’t really say that I like one of his songs because I don’t. For some reason, they just don’t click with me. This song is okay at best. The production is nice, the singing is fine, the lyrics could have been better. This song is further proof of why I couldn’t get into The Weeknd. Something is missing here. Overall, I give it a C.
#28. Animals-Maroon 5: F
#27. No Type-Rae Sremmurd: F
#26. Truffle Butter: Nicki Minaj ft Drake & Lil Wayne: Oh, goody. Another Nicki Minaj song, this one featuring Drake and Lil Wayne, just like Only. To be fair, Truffle Butter is better than that song, but that’s not saying much considering this song is average at best. The production is this unfinished repetitive 90s house reject and the verses and lyrics are your typical shallow braggadocio about money and bitches. This is not unlike anything that these three have alread done before. It’s not godawful like Only or Anaconda, but it is just meh. I give it a D.
#25. Ghost-Ella Henderson: So I’ve heard a lot about this Ghost song, so I checked it out. What did I think? It’s actually pretty damn awesome. It has a great driving beat, it’s catchy, Ella is a good singer, and the lyrics are good, too. This is just a good son and I’m glad I discovered it. I give it an A.
#24. The Heart Wants What It Wants-Selena Gomez: D
#23. She Knows-Ne-Yo ft Juicy J: My God, Ne-Yo. You’re better than this. Back in the mid-late 2000s, you wrote some pretty damn good R&B music. Now, you’re writing the same shitty club songs that a lot of artists are doing right now. She Knows is a disaster of a song. The beat is atrocious, being a combination of an annoying synth loop and simple drums. The lyrics are BAD. Ne-Yo’s performance is underwhelming. Plus, Juicy J shows up to do exactly what you expect him to do. Every verse he does is the same shit and it’s getting tiresome. Why do artists want to work with this guy? I can’t deal with this shit. It gets an F.
#22. CoCo-O.T. Genasis: F
#21. Love Me Harder-Ariana Grande ft The Weeknd: B
#20. 7/11-Beyonce: F
#19. I Don’t Fuck With You-Big Sean ft E40: F
#18. Style-Taylor Swift: Now I respect all of my fellow music reviewers and I know a lot of them like this song, but I can’t side with them on this because I don’t like this song. Hell, I don’t even like any songs off of Taylor Swift’s last album or any of her music. She’s just not that good to me. It’s one of the reasons why I refused to review 1989 for my Year End Album Reviews (that, and because she removed all of her music off of Spotify, greedy bitch). Speaking of 1989, whe she decided to stop pretending to be a country artist, she threw away whatever originality she had left and starting ripping off other artists. First, Toni Basil for Shake It Off, then, Lorde for Blank Space, and now Ariana Grande for Style. It sounds like Love Me Harder. That is shameful. This is ANOTHER song about a guy, like we haven’t heard that before, and the writing is nothing that special. Taylor Swift is predictable, making the same songs over and over again, only changing the production style. I’ll catch shit for this, but I give this an F.
#17. Only-Nicki Minaj ft Drake, Lil Wayne, & Chris Brown: F
#16. All About That Bass-Meghan Trainor: D
#15. Centuries-Fall Out Boy: A
#14. Stay With Me-Sam Smith: A
#13. I Don’t Mind-Usher ft Juicy J: D
#12. Jealous-Nick Jonas: F
#11. Time Of Our Lives-Pitbull ft Ne-Yo: C
#10. Shake It Off-Taylor Swift: F
#9. Love Me Like You Do-Ellie Goulding: Here’s another song made for the Fifty Shades Of Grey soundtrack courtesy of Ellie Goulding and it’s alright. It’s not the best song that she has ever done, but it’s fine. The production could have been better and so could Ellie’s performance. It’s a serviceable song on the soundtrack of a movie based on a shitty book. I give it a C.
#8. I’m Not The Only One-Sam Smith: A
#7. Lips Are Movin-Meghan Trainor: D
#6. FourFiveSeconds-Rihanna ft Kanye West & Paul McCartney: Here’s another collaboration from Kanye and Paul McCartney, this time with Rihanna. This is easily one of her better songs. Paul handles the producton, which is basically an acoustic guitar and an organ during the bridge. Rihanna put on one of her better performances and Kanye is singing without Auto-Tune, which is what he should’ve done on Only One. Overall, an enjoyable song, I give it a B.
#5. Blank Space-Taylor Swift: F
#4. Sugar-Maroon 5: At this point, Maroon 5 is dead to me. They’ve sold out and made shittier and shittier music. Anytime I hear about new music from Maroon 5, I dread. To be fair, though, their newest single isn’t as bad as Animals or Maps, but it’s not good either, don’t misunderstand me. Sugar is as generic as the name applies. The production is generic and the lyrics make Adam look like a sleazy douche (again). Again, to be fair, his performance here is ten times better than the previous Maroon 5 singles, but ten times zero will always be zero. I give Sugar an F.
#3. Take Me To Church-Hozier: A
#2. Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran: A
#1. Uptown Funk-Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars: A
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of February 14, 2015. Stay tuned next month whenI do another Top 40 Review. Next week, it’s business as usual as I slaughter another bad song in a new Target Practice, plus, a new Random WTF Lyrics.
SONGS OF THE WEEK
Slippin’ Into Darkness-WAR
A Thousand Miles-Vanessa Carlton