Random WTF Lyrics

Random WTF Lyrics #2

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Welcome to Random WTF Lyrics, where I pick out ten random bad lyrics from ten random songs. Let’s get started.

What’s My Name-Rihanna ft Drake

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

Oh na na, what’s my name?

What’s my name, what’s my name?

…. Rihanna, did Chris Brown hit you so hard, you can barely remember your own damn name? But that’s not the bad lyric in question here. The bad lyric comes from Drake.

The square root of 69 is 8 something, right

Well, you aren’t wrong (it’s actually 8.30662386292; that’s the power of Google, ladies and gentlemen), but you sound like somebody who doesn’t know math that well. And I’m aware this is supposed to be a pun for oral sex, with the number 69 and the “8 something” sounding like “ate something” like eating someone out, but even then, it sounds like a bad joke from an amateur bombing at stand-up. Speaking of bad pop songs with useless rap feature…

Dark Horse-Katy Perry ft Juicy J

I’ll never understand how this came to be and how it became a big hit outside of name recognition. This sounds less like a single and more like someone’s rejected album cut. This song is full of nothing but bad lines, I could’ve just done an entire Target Practice on it, but there’s a few lines that stand out the most in terms of bad writing, all from Juicy J.

She’s sweet as pie but if you break her heart

She’ll turn cold as a freezer

What’s the correlation in this line? Sweet and cold have nothing in common. At all. Do you have any idea how compare and contrast work? This could easily be fixed with a rewrite.

She’s hot as hell but if you break her heart

She’ll turn cold as a freezer

Or…

She’s sweet as pie but if you break her heart

She’ll turn sour like a lemon

See? What’s that so hard? Oh, but there’s more.

She can be my Sleeping Beauty I’m gon’ put her in a coma

So, basically, you’re Maleficent. Because she’s the one who puts Sleeping Beauty in a coma, not the prince. Dude, maybe you should watch Sleeping Beauty again because your metaphor backfired big time.

I Love It-Icona Pop ft Charli XCX

I really hate this song. I do.

I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn

How does that happen? In what situation is it possible for you to crash your car into a bridge? Not ON a bridge (which would make more sense) but INTO a bridge, like crashing into a wall. Unless you’re driving one of those futuristic flying cars, there’s no way that could happen. Maybe it’s possible that Icona Pop (or the songwriters) don’t have a full grasp on the English language yet and it resulted in this awkward writing.

Backseat-New Boyz

I heard you had a baby, you want a New Boy in you?

Why are you trying to have sex with a pregnant woman? God, I feel bad for the fetus because if this woman chooses the dumb answer, which is yes, then it’ll be covered in douche splooge.

Smart Phones-Trey Songz

She picks up the phone

In my head I know I’m wrong

I just want to know what she’s heard

I’m pacing back and forth

Cause I know that I’ve been caught

Trying to think of the perfect words

So here’s the scenario of this song: Trey Songz got caught cheating by his girlfriend because his side chick called his phone. It’s obvious this relationship is screwed, so does Trey does the right thing and confess the truth to her that he’s been unfaithful?

So I can come to her and lie right to her face

Nope. He lies. You fucking douchebag. Smart phones, dumb people.

Feds Watching-2 Chainz

Billie Jean red leather same color red lobster

Wrong song, Mr. Chainz. Michael Jackson wore a red leather jacket in both videos for Beat It and Thriller, but never wore one in the video for Billie Jean. It was a black sequin jacket. Then again, this is the same guy who thought Netflix was like YouTube, so that makes the fact that he graduated from college with a 4.0 look suspect.

Boyfriend-Justin Bieber

Swag, swag, swag, on you

Bieber, this ONE line is the reason why nobody takes you seriously. Every attempt you make to be hip and cool with the hip-hop crowd just makes you look like a lame poser. This is the song where you try to show off your “maturity” from your Baby material and this line is less mature than your previous songs. Maybe it’s time for you to stop, Bieber. You’re already rich. Just go away forever.

Hustlin’-Rick Ross

I know Pablo, Noriega, the real Noriega

He owe me a hundred favors

So a Panamanian politician convicted of drug trafficking, racketeering, and money laundering and has been in jail for decades owes a Miami former correctional officer turned gangster rapper a hundred favors? There’s overexaggerated brag rap and then there’s this. Remind me again why people take William Roberts seriously.

Lord Knows-Drake ft Rick Ross

And this girl right here, who knows what she knows?

So I’m going through her phone if she go to the bathroom

And her purse right there, I don’t trust these hoes at all

So you’re going through some chick’s phone and purse? Dude, you’re acting more like a female than a female. I mean, I know you’re rich and famous, meaning you’re a target for scumbags looking to exort money out of you, but this is crossing the line to “drunk/junkie who claims to be abducted by aliens” territory.

A lot of niggas came up off of a style that I made up

But if all I hear is me, then who should I be afraid of?

I wouldn’t say you made up a style, more like you copied Kanye and Wayne’s styles. Also, I can think of one rapper you should be afraid of.

But that’s none of my business, though. *sips tea*

Black Skinhead-Kanye West

I keep it 300, like the Romans

Kanye, did you even watch 300? It was the Spartans who went up against the Persian army, not the Romans. Christ, at least get your history right. And don’t be one of those people who say “the Roman numeral for 300 is CCC, which is also an acronym for calm, cool, and collected, which is what Kanye is trying to say.” Please, a guy who makes an ass of himself at award shows and picks fights with the paparazzi isn’t exactly calm, cool, OR collected.

So that was Random WTF Lyrics. No bad lyrics are safe.

Peace!!

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