Target Practice

Target Practice: Maejor Ali ft Justin Bieber & Juicy J “Lolly”

Target Practice

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. It’s official: Justin Bieber is now irrelevant in the music industry. Five years ago, he was the main thing that people would talk about, be it positive or negative. Nowadays, outside of the tabloids, no one gives a shit about him anymore, which further proves what I just said earlier. His last big hit was that horrible Beauty And A Beat song (get it?) with Nicki Minaj and that was about two or three years ago. Every time, there’s always that one artist who music fans say is the death of all music and Bieber got that label plenty. But let’s be realistic, even though his music sucks more dick than a Kardashian, he’s not the worst music artist out there. Hell, there is no definitive worst as the bad artists out there suck in many different ways. Bieber just got the worst of it because he was hugely popular before One Direction came in and stole his spot. Some of the hate that he got was for the wrong reasons. Funny that I’m talking about Bieber, yet today’s Target Practice victim isn’t even his song, he’s just featured on it. Because there’s really nothing to talk about with Maejor Ali besides the fact that he used to be named Bei Maejor (I see why he changed his name) and his music is… well, the less said about that shit, the better. Point is, people only know about this song because Bieber was on it. Oh, and Juicy J is on it, too. Joyful. This is Lolly.

She say she love my lolly
She wanna make it pop (hey)
She say she love my lolly
She wanna kiss the top (hey, girl)
She say she love my lolly
She love my lollipop
She say she love my lolly
She say she love my lolly

Oh, look. Another candy-themed sex song. Now this shit can join the same club of such masterpieces like Lollipop, Candy Shop, and Laffy Taffy. Recycling: it’s good for the music industry enviroment.

She say she love to party
Girl I love your body
Why you on the table?
‘Cause you know I’m watching

So Maejor Ali is partying with some stripper who’s dancing on a table. That’s not safe. I’m just saying, strip clubs don’t have crippled dancers for a reason.

She say she love my molly, so we can leave this party
And go back to my hotel, and don’t stop for Hibachi
Don’t stop in the lobby, I hope you massage me
I hope you can take it when I make you call me papi

So she likes getting high off of Molly, so they go to a hotel and get high and have sex. Stupid loves stupid.

Club about to close, come up out them clothes
I’m about to give you what you asking for

Dude, both of you are still in the club. Wait until you’re both at the hotel so you can get it on. Paitence is a virtue.

Order what you want girl, it ain’t no problem
I’mma tell the waitress that my baby need a bottle
Order what you want, said it ain’t no problem
Got a piece of candy and it’s all for you

Getting her drunk and high at the same time? Wait. Isn’t the place about to close? The time structure here is all screwed up. Anyways, after this, we get a reprise of the hook, so we’ll skip that. Onto the second verse, which is from Bieber himself. I can’t wait to see how much lyrical corniness and fail he provides for us.

Throwing up a G note, like I’m at a casino
I’m all fancy, yeah I’m popping Pellegrino

*crowd booing*
*crowd booing*

First line. This is not looking good. Also, Bieber, you were 19 when this shit was recorded. You wouldn’t be allowed to be at a casino or drink alcoholic beverages.

I’m in the El Camino when I pull up on the scene though
You know I’m a real OG and baby I ain’t from the T.O

image
*uncontrollable laughter*

Bieber, you sang Baby, One Less Lonely Girl, and Eenie Meenie Miney Moe Lover. Your pass to refer to yourself as an OG has been rejected. Find every seat in the house and sit your ass down.

I’m messing with the clique though, meet me on the sixth floor
Know you ain’t a model, you should let me take some pics though

How about no?

Windows down, speakers loud, look down at my sneakers now
Got so many features, tell the creatures just to beat it now

Oh, boy. Time to whip out that White-O-Meter.

My God. I can feel the melanin fading from my skin. That’s how white these lines are.

Fifty for the necklace, look down at my set list
Got your girlfriend at my crib watching Netflix

Oh, look. Another asshole who spends a lot of money and claims he can steal my girl. I think we’ve had enough people in rap doing this. We don’t need some spoiled brat appropriating this much-hated trope and adding to the shittiness. Justin Bieber: the new Chris Brown.

Let’s just admit that I’m the bestest
Guess this, you ain’t never ever on the guest list

Uhh… no. You’re not. With bars like these, you are not the “bestest,” Bieber. You are the worstest (I know worstest is not a word, but neither is bestest). Well, that verse sucked Donkey Kong balls. Let’s wrap this up with Juicy J.

Yessir
Ass everywhere, throw them dollars in the air (mhmm)
Bring your swimming gear, Juicy J the millionaire (mhmm)
She pop that pussy on me, I fell back in the chair

Well, it wouldn’t be a Juicy J verse if he didn’t mention being at a strip club.

Bands a make her dance, molly make her lose them underwear

No. You did not mention Bands A Make Her Dance, that song that made you relevant to the mainstream again that also gave us a preview of Mike Will Made-It’s production style? “HEY!! DID YOU KNOW I DID BANDS A MAKE HER DANCE?! DID YA?! DID YA?!”

Booty cheeks, I’m geeked, (you know it) all her friends are freaks (you know it)
And I think she love me, I’ve been hitting it for a week (swish)

You know? Has Juicy J ever made a song that had nothing to do with strip clubs, spending money, or sex? I don’t think he has.

That doesn’t count. That’s a commercial for a shitty movie, not an actual song.

I drill it, slap it silly, need a super freak like Ricky
I’m Rick James bitch, I slip myself a mickey

Juicy J. You know what the five fingers said to the face? Yeah, you should do exactly what the answer to that question is to yourself.

Got so much money in my pocket
With a real bad chick from the tropics
With silicone racks with a real big ass
Make her bounce it like hydraulics

Ladies and gentlemen, shitty mainstream rap music in a nutshell. Just add in references to material things, drugs, violence, and brand names and the circle will be complete.

Kevin Hart, I got purple on the plane (we smoking)
Let’s call a bull (let’s go), let’s run a train (trippy)

This song is a sour box of treats. It feels like this song was made from a bet to see how shitty pop music can be. Guess who loses in the end? Us, because this piece of shit exists. The beat is your standard pop-rap production and every verse on here is awful. The lyrics are the typical “I got lots of money to spend and I can get any female I want” shit and the way they’re written are unappealing and paints these guys as arrogant jackasses. But the ultimate blunder of this song is involving Justin Bieber with it and letting him rap. He sucks so much. He tries so hard to make himself look cool to the hip-hop audience and it just makes him look corny. It’s embarrassing and sad, really. Either have him sing the hook or don’t put him on at all. This song helps nobody, not Bieber or Juicy J, not even this Maejor Ali guy. There’s nothing to him, he blends in with the rest of the singing rappers out there. A message to future songwriters: if you’re writing a sex song, don’t use candy as a metaphor. It’s been done to death, nobody made a good song out of it, just don’t do it. You’ll thank me later. Next Target Practice, Women’s Month officially begins with a review of a hit song from last year.

Peace!!

SONGS OF THE WEEK

Flash Light-Parliament

Ain’t Too Proud To Beg-The Tempations

I Shot The Sheriff-Bob Marley & The Wailers

I Want You Back-Jackson 5

Get Down On It-Kool & The Gang

(Not Just) Knee Deep-Funkadelic

Fight The Power-Public Enemy

Straight Outta Compton-N.W.A.

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2 thoughts on “Target Practice: Maejor Ali ft Justin Bieber & Juicy J “Lolly”

  1. Hi. I’ve been reading your posts for a while. I thought I would comment. With all the songs about strippers, wouldn’t it be novel to see a love song where the rapper talks about how loving and caring a woman is, despite her stripping job? Just putting it out there.
    Also, thanks for the music recommendations at the bottom. I often end up in a musical rut.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see what you’re talking about. That would be a nice change of pace from the bravado and hyper-masculinity. And you’re welcome. I always like to help another person by introducing them to some good music.

      Like

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