Target Practice

Target Practice: Madonna ft Nicki Minaj & M.I.A. “Give Me All Your Luvin”

Target Practice

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. There’s not that many female artists from the past thirty years who are more influential than Madonna. She was a risk taker who has no problem pissing people off while making music that’s provocative and risky. She pretty much set a blueprint for female pop stars that came afterwards and was responsible for some great pop records from the 80s and the 90s. In the 2000s and beyond, it’s become clear that Madonna is way past her prime. She’s become the drunk aunt at the family reunion who think she’s still got it and it’s embarrassing. Nobody in 2015 is looking forward to new Madonna music. Today’s Target Practice victim is Madge’s 15th attempt to stay relevant with a young audience, recruiting the very relevant Nicki Minaj and the not-so relevant M.I.A., this is Give Me All Your Luvin.

L-U-V Madonna
Y-O-U you wanna
I see you coming and I don’t wanna know your name

W-T-F is this. Y-O-U are not a cheerleader. Enough with the G-O-D-damn spelling. And you misspelled love.

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Also, why don’t you want to know this guy’s name? I think somebody’s name is very important information when interacting with them.

L-U-V Madonna
I see you coming and you’re gonna have to change the game
Y-O-U you wanna

What game, Super Mario Bros.? Call Of Duty? On a serious note, she means the guy shouldn’t approach her with any corny pick-up lines. Sorry, douchebags.

Would you like to try?
Give me a reason why
Give me all that you got

Here’s my thing: Madonna is 56 years old. Why is she trying to pick up guys like she’s younger? I understand her history of failed relationships and her wanting a loving companion, but I’m not sure that many guys would want to date someone who’s old enough to be their mother. You’ve already crossed that bridge, too late to turn back now.

Maybe you’ll do fine
As long as you don’t lie to me
And pretend to be what you’re not

In short, Madonna wants an honest man. I got nothing for that.

Don’t play the stupid game
Cause I’m a different kind of girl
Every record sounds the same
You’ve got to step into my world

There you have it, gentlemen. If you want to get into Madonna’s pants, then don’t be a lame douchebag. She is right about being a different kind of girl, the kind that goes through menopause.

Give me all your love and give me your love
Give me all your love today
Give me all your love and give me your love
Let’s forget about time
And dance our lives away

If you haven’t figured out what this song is about, I’ll give you a little hint.

L-U-V Madonna
Y-O-U you wanna
Keep trying don’t give up, it’s if you want it bad enough
L-U-V Madonna
It’s right in front of you, now tell me what you’re thinking of
Y-O-U you wanna

Yep. This is a sex song. Being sung by a 56 year old woman. Sexy. I’m not saying all women over the age of 50 aren’t sexy, but let’s be honest; not every woman is a MILF.

In another place, at a different time
You can be my lucky star

Wait, is this guy being rejected? Ooh, tough luck. Maybe next time.

We can drink some wine
Burgundy is fine
Let’s drink the bottle every drop

And we all know what a lot of drinking leads to.

Nah, this is what will really happen.

Give me all your love boy
You could be my boy, you could be my boy toy

Oh, hi, Nicki. Almost forgot you are on this song.

In the nick of time I could say a sicker rhyme
Cause its time for change like a nickel and a dime

And we’re still waiting for that sick rhyme.

I’m Roman, I’m a barbarian, I’m Conan
You were sleeping on me you were dozin’
Now move, I’m goin’ in!!

Oh, yeah. I forgot this song was released in 2012 when Nicki was pushing that awful Roman character. So, yeah. Another Nicki Minaj verse. Not much to say. Let’s move on.

You have all the L-U-V
I gave you everything you need
Now it’s up to y-o-u
Are you the one, shall we proceed?

……………………………. Isn’t there another guest featured artist on here? M.I.A., right? She’s pretty good. I like Paper Planes a lot. So what does she give us?

Sw-sw-swag shh
No one gives you this
Supersonic bionic, uranium
So I break ‘em off tricks
Let’s pray that it sticks
I’ma say this once, yeah I don’t give a shit

Random nonsense. Seriously. What the hell is M.I.A. talking about? Nothing here makes sense. This is just bad. Was M.I.A. writing this verse at the last minute?

M-a-d don’t make me
l-u-v it’s time for
y-o-u it’s up to
l-u-v i want your

…………………… I’m through.

This song is… dull. It’s not the worst thing ever, but it’s not good, either. This is another desperate attempt by a woman in her mid-50s to stay relevant with today’s youth by bringing in younger artists on a song with messy production and underwhelming lyrics. The two guest features are wasted here as Nicki does exactly what you expected her to do, only more annoying, and M.I.A. disappoints with a terrible verse. Madonna isn’t faring well, either. Nothing she did on this song is anything that special. Madge, maybe instead of constantly reinventing yourself, you should maybe call it a career and just retire. Nobody will miss you. And that concludes Women’s Month. I plan to make this an annual thing every March. Next Target Practice, after an entire month of songs from women, we go back into some hyper masculinity with Robin Thicke.

Peace!!

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