Welcome back to another Top 40 Review, where I look at the 40 most popular songs in the United States according to Billboard. Another slow week on charts, so let’s just get through this.
#40. Bright-Echosmith: The last time I talked about Echosmith was their breakout single Cook Kids, a poorly-written schlock that fails to tell a story about the cool kids. Now here’s their most recent single Bright, and, no question about it, it’s a better song. This track is more folky instrumentally and lyrically, it’s a more poetic love song. The lead singer’s voice works much better here than on Cool Kids, where she sounded out of breath. I can safely say that I like this song. I hope it succeeds in the long run. It gets an A.
#39. Sangria-Blake Shelton: It seems like country music doesn’t know what it wants looking at the charts. For every good song, you get at least three that are either meh or terrible. Sangria by Blake Shelton falls into the former as there’s really not much to say about it. It’s a country love (sex) song with meh production, meh lyrics, and meh everything else. I don’t got anything to say about it. It’s not the worst song ever made, but it’s not something I would go back and listen to, either. I give this a D.
#38. Shake It Off-Taylor Swift: F
#37. Blank Space-Taylor Swift: F
#36. The Night Is Still Young-Nicki Minaj: Oh, look. Nicki Minaj is back on the charts again. Because we don’t have enough Nicki on the charts. And it’s another one of her awful pop songs. Yipee. This is a carbon copy of songs like Starships and Pound The Alarm. The beat is electro-pop trash, the rapping is not that good, even less impressive is her Auto-Tuned singing. Nicki is not even trying anymore, but that shouldn’t surprise me at all at this point. This crap gets an F.
#35. Take Your Time-Sam Hunt: F
#34. Budapest-George Ezra: A
#33. Elastic Heart-Sia: B
#32. G.D.F.R.-Flo Rida ft Sage The Gemini & The Lookas: F
#31. Style-Taylor Swift: D
#30. Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)-Rich Homie Quan: Really? Are we now making songs from clones of clones famous? Rich Homie Quan. Come on, people. This dude is garbage and so is this song. The beat sucks as it sounds like something Mustard would’ve made and the rapping sucks even harder. The lyrics are the same “I have a lot of money and can steal your girlfriend” crap that we’ve heard millions of times in other modern rap. This guy shares the same level of lacking talent as Future and Young Thug. There is nothing about him that standa out. I theorize that this song is only charting because of Vine, there can’t be any other explanation. I give this an F.
#29. Girl Crush-Little Big Town: A
#28. Somebody-Natalie La Rose ft Jeremih: F
#27. Slow Motion-Trey Songz: B
#26. Dear Future Husband-Meghan Trainor: F
#25. Fight Song-Rachel Platten: This song is pretty much diet Kelly Clarkson, but I think it’s okay (sorry, Mark Grondin). It’s not the best song ever made, but it’s fine for what it is, an inspirational song. The production works well, Rachel is a good singer, and even though the lyrics are a but cliched, you could’ve gone for worse. I give this a B.
#24. Bitch Better Have My Money-Rihanna: F
#23. This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like A Motherfucker-Maroon 5: You ever just looked at a song title and thought nothing good was gonna come out of it? That’s what I assumed everyone did when Maroon 5 announced their latest single. At this point, it’s clear that these guys are just trolling us with bad music because they are aware that the public will buy anything from them, no matter how shitty it is. There is no way anyone could get anything good out of a song with that title (which is a fitting one, to say the least). The production is a noisy mess, it doesn’t even sound like music, it’s just synths ad percussion clashing with each other. The lyrics are horrendous, Adam, once again, is being a douchebag to a woman. There is also so many effects put on his voice, he doesn’t even sound human. I still can’t believe that this is real. Garbage like this should be banned from public. Do I even need to tell you that this gets an F?
#22. Lean On-Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft M0: After making his mark on 2014 with Turn Down For What, DJ Snake continues his run in 2015. I was very disappointed that Get Low didn’t become a hit, especially when you compare it to the two other songs that are hits like You Know You Like It and this song, Lean On with Major Lazer. I never cared for Major Lazer and I especially don’t care for this song. The production is fine until it gets to the chorus, which is just pathetic for a song that involves DJ Snake. M0 is okay, but she doesn’t help the song any further. This is just average and underwhelming. I give this a C.
#21. The Hills-The Weeknd: The Weeknd, I tried to like your music, but nothing you put out hasn’t impressed me at all and this new song doesn’t help matters. The production is messy, the lyrics are a joke, and there’s too many effects on his voice. The song tries to set a dark, brooding mood and it just makes the song boring. I’m sorry. I can’t like this song. It doesn’t leave any impact at all. For being an overall failure, it gets an F.
#20. Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran: A
#19. Where Are U Now-Skrillex & Diplo ft Justin Bieber: F
#18. Worth It-Fifth Harmony ft Kid Ink: F
#17. Love Me Like You Do-Ellie Goulding: C
#16. Post To Be-Omarion ft Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko: F
#15. Watch Me-Silento (seriously, fuck this song): F
#14. You Know You Like It-DJ Snake & AlunaGeorge: C
#13. Nasty Freestyle-T-Wayne: F
#12. Talking Body-Tove Lo: A
#11. Cheerleader-OMI: This song came straight out of buttfucking nowhere and it surprised me for how good it is. My only gripe is the amount of Auto-Tune on OMI’s voice, but the rest of the song has redeeming factors. The beat is simple, but effective as a dance tune with percussion, piano, and trumpet. This has the feel of summer and I’m not surprised to see it succeed. Here’s to hoping it reaches the Top 10 or even number one. I give it an A.
#10. Sugar-Maroon 5: F
#9. Honey, I’m Good-Andy Grammar: B
#8. Hey Mama-David Guetta ft Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, & Afrojack: D
#7. Earned It-The Weeknd: C
#6. Uptown Funk-Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars: A
#5. Want To Want Me-Jason Derulo (Really, people? This mediocre shit hit the Top 5?): D
#4. Shut Up And Dance-Walk The Moon: A
#3. Trap Queen-Fetty Wap: F
#2. Bad Blood-Taylor Swift: Look. I did not want to talk about this song. At all. But since this is a Top 40 Review and it’s up this high, I have to. So yeah. Another Taylor Swift single. I’ve accepted long ago that her music is not my cup of tea as I’m already in the minority for not liking Blank Space, Style, or any other song off of 1989. This brings us to Bad Blood, a lame-ass Katy Perry diss with weak production, an annoying hook that tries to rhyme blood with love with done with blood, and Taylor copying Avril Lavigne. The remix isn’t any better as it features a pointless rap feature from one of my favorite rappers. Kendrick Lamar contributes two of the weakest throwaway verses that any generic rapper could’ve spit. This collaboration feels forced, there is NO chemistry between these two. This label-made contrivance is made worse by the marketing and hype, which lead to a laughably bad video that makes Michael Bay look subtle and a remix no one really asked for. I hate the existence of this and I’m disappointed in Kendrick, of all people, for getting involved in this shit. The truly fucked-up part about this is that this will probably be the most successful single he’s ever been in and that’s fucking sad. Kendrick Lamar deserves better. The music industry can go fuck itself for this bullshit. I have nothing else to say about Bad Blood. I give it NOTHING. Now if you’ll excuse me, I will go back to NOT acknowleding this crap’s existence.
#1. See You Again-Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth: A
Best New Entry
Bright, Fight Song
Worst New Entry
This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like A Motherfucker
Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh), The Night Is Still Young
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of June 13, 2015. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. A new Random WTF Lyrics and Target Practice is next week.
SONGS OF THE WEEK
m.A.A.d city-Kendrick Lamar ft MC Ehit
Early-Run The Jewels