Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review

Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review: July 2015

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Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where I look at the 40 most popular songs in the US. It’s never easy to stay optimistic for popular music when there’s so much crap to get through. But it’s worth going through all of that crap to find some gems. There’s a lot more activity on the charts now more than previously, so let’s get started.

#40. Fun-Pitbull ft Chris Brown: I’ve come to accept that Pitbull is just gonna keep making dumb party music and that’s fine. There’s a place for that kind of music and you can get something good out of it, like Fireball and Time Of Our Lives. At least Pitbull does this type of music better than Flo Rida. So here’s his newest single, Fun, which has a different production style and swaps out Ne-Yo for Chris Brown. Goody. To be fair, while this song isn’t as good as Time Of Our Lives, it’s okay. Chris Brown is actually tolerable here. I do like the production, especially the use of African percussion. Pitbull does exactly what you expect him to do. I’m not gonna be in a rush to listen to it again, but if I hear it on the radio or something, I’m not gonna instantly change the station. I give it a C.

#39. Sangria-Blake Shelton: D

#38. Kick The Dust Up-Luke Bryan: This is Luke Bryan’s first single off of his upcoming album and I’m not feeling it. This is bro-country at its bro-country-est. The production is a processed mess with very little country elements and the lyrical content is nothing that special. Luke isn’t even trying here. I got nothing out of this song. It’s not as bad as That’s My Kind Of Night, but it’s still pretty bad. I give it an F.

#37. Take Your Time-Sam Hunt: F

#36. Cool For The Summer-Demi Lovato: I’m very optimistic about Demi Lovato because of all of the former Disney singers, she’s one of the few (and that’s a very small few) who I actually like. I’m always looking forward to new music from her. So here’s Demi’s latest song Cool For The Summer and it’s pretty damn good. I like the production, it mixes hard-hitting guitars with 80s style production and does so very well. Demi does another spectacular job vocally on a song about lesbians. Don’t pretend like that’s not what the song is about, look at the lyrics. It’s as subtle as Whistle. I digress. Still a damn good song, can’t find any faults. I give it an A.

#35. Slow Motion-Trey Songz: B

#34. 679-Fetty Wap ft Remy Boyz: I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m not a fan of Fetty Wap. I can’t stand his voice and his rapping and singing. I don’t like Trap Queen as it’s a pathetic excuse of a “thugs need love, too” song that does more bragging than anything. 679 is just as bad, if not, worse. The beat is pathetically bad. It sounds like a semi-Mustard beat someone found on the internet. Fetty Wap once again fails at crafting good raps and fails at singing. The other two rappers whose names I don’t know (and don’t care for as I’ll forget about them quickly) are even worse. This is yet another “thugs need love, too” song and it’s just as insufferable as every other bad song like it. I said on Twitter that Fetty Wap is gunning to be the new Ja Rule and this song proves it. Rappers, if you can’t sing, don’t do it. It’s okay to have someone else do the singing. Spare our ears from your shitty singing. Anyways, this bullshit gets an F. Fuck this song and its mama.

#33. Elastic Heart-Sia: B

#32. All Eyes On You-Meek Mill ft Nicki Minaj & Chris Brown: I can’t stand Meek Mill. Aside from being signed to Rick Ross’ label, he is just unlikable and unappealing as a rapper. He raps about the same gangsta/luxury rap shit that we’ve heard a million times before and he doesn’t do anything new with those topics. Plus, I have issues with his flow and voice. HE YELLS TOO MUCH!! So it’s no surprise that I don’t like his newest album Dreams Worth More Than Money and the lead single All Eyes On You, which features Nicki Minaj and Chris Brown, because of course it does. This is basically a “thugs need love, too” song that’s basically a bunch of bragging disguised as love anchored by Chris Brown’s Auto-Tuned hook. The atmosphere of this song doesn’t give off a loving vibe as evident by the generically dark trap production and Meek’s overly-agressive performance. Nicki Minaj has the better verse, but that’s not saying much. The only reasons this song is here is because Meek Mill just released an album and he and Nicki Minaj are dating, which I care less about than dirt. This is not a good song. I give it an F.

#31. Girl Crush-Little Big Town: A

#30. Nasty Freestyle- T-Wayne: F

#29. Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)-Rich Homie Quan: F

#28. Love Me Like You Do-Ellie Goulding: C

#27. This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like A Motherfucker-Maroon 5: F

#26. Classic Man-Jidenna ft Roman GianArthur: I seriously wanted to hate this song, but I can’t, mostly because my main issue with it is the production. I hate the DJ Mustard sound and that’s exactly what this beat is. It sounds like the male version of Fancy, though I can safely say that Classic Man is better than that piece of shit. Outside of the beat, everything else in the song is fine outside of some Auto-Tune and lyrical fuck-ups. Lyrically, this embraces being a classy gangster, something that hasn’t been seen a lot, especially in rap music. It never contradicts itself at all like Fancy did (before anyone brings up irony, no, irony doesn’t work like that). Jidenna, who is signed to Janelle Monae’s label, seems like a pretty cool dude and he exerts a lot of confidence in this song. This song is no masterpiece, but in terms of other songs out there, it’s fine. If it had different production, then I would feel comfortable calling it a great song. But for now, it gets a C.

#25. Photograph-Ed Sheeran: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… oh, I’m sorry. This song is boring as tar. Seriously, Ed. THIS is the single you want to push? A sleep-inducing white guy-acoustic guitar song? Come on, dude. So, yeah. This is easily the worst single off of x (multiply) and is a huge step down from the others. Lyrically, it’s nothing special and Ed himself is just as boring as the instrumentation. What a disappointment. I give this an F.

#24. Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran: A

#23. You Know You Like It-DJ Snake & AlunaGeorge: C

#22. Talking Body-Tove Lo: A

#21. Sugar-Maroon 5: F

#20. Post To Be-Omarion ft Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko: F

#19. The Hills-The Weeknd: D

#18. Lean On-Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft M0: A

#17: Good For You-Selena Gomez ft A$AP Rocky: It’s pretty much common knowledge that Stars Dance sucks rhino testicles. So Selena Gomez decided to go a different artistic  direction starting with The Heart Wants What It Wants (which is still a stupid ass title), audio anesthesia. Yeah. Good For You is not good, but it’s not bad. The production is slow and dreary and so is Selena’s performance. I can see what she’s trying to pull off here, a sultry, sexy vibe. But I don’t think she pulled it off here. She also decided to add in a rap feature from A$AP Rocky, but unlike other pop songs with a featured rapper, *coughs* Bad Blood *coughs* his verse wasn’t pointless. This song actually sounds more like an unfinished A$AP Rocky song than a Selena Gomez song. I can see why people would like this song, but it’s not for me. I give it a C.

#16. Earned It-The Weeknd: C

#15. Bitch Better Have My Money-Rihanna: F

#14. Worth It-Fifth Harmony ft Kid Ink: F

#13. Want To Want Me-Jason Derulo: D

#12. Uptown Funk-Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars: A

#11. Honey, I’m Good-Andy Grammar: B

#10. Fight Song-Rachel Platten: B

#9. Hey Mama-David Guetta ft Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, & Afrojack: D

#8. Where Are U Now-Skrillex & Diplo ft Justin Bieber: F

#7. Shut Up And Dance-Walk The Moon: A

#6. Can’t Feel My Face-The Weeknd: After my disappointment with The Hills, I wasn’t looking forward to any new music from The Weeknd. Then he released Can’t Feel My Face. My God, I love this track. The production is 80s funk, reminiscent of something Michael Jackson would have made. It’s just fun to listen to in spite of its lyrical content. The song is about the numbness of getting high and it goes well with the beat. This is definitely more upbeat than any of The Weeknd’s previous sound and if he were to go into this direction for his next album, then I’d be fine with that. More of this, please. I give it an A.

#5. Trap Queen-Fetty Wap: F

#4. Bad Blood-Taylor Swift: N/R

#3. Watch Me-Silento: F

#2. Cheerleader-OMI: A

#1. See You Again-Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth: A

Best New Entry

Can’t Feel My Face

Honorable Mention

Cool For The Summer, Fun

Worst New Entry

679

Dishonorable Mention

All Eyes On You, Kick The Dust Up

So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of July 11, 2015. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. Next week, a new Random WTF Lyrics and Target Practice.

Peace!!

SONGS OF THE WEEK

Don’t Stop The Music-Yarbrough & Peoples

Shoot To Thrill-AC/DC

Nothin’ But A Good Time-Poison

Cult Of Personality-Living Colour

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