Welcome to Random WTF Lyrics where I select five random bad lyrics from five random songs. Let’s get started.
Cool Daddy Cool-Kid Rock
Kid Rock is an artist I didn’t care for, but didn’t hate. Bawitdaba is a guilty pleasure for me and that song he did with Sheryl Crow, Picture, was cool. Thanks to Rap Critic, I discovered Cool Daddy Cool, a track that Kid Rock did for the Osmosis Jones soundtrack. A rap song on a soundtrack to a family film? That’s something you don’t see everyday.
Young ladies, young ladies
I like ’em underage see
Some say that’s statutory
But I say it’s mandatory!
*picks up phone and calls 911* Yeah, I like to report a potential child molester. His name is Robert James Ritchie, he goes by the name Kid Rock. Keep an eye on him.
If you have any underage daughters, nieces, sisters, and cousins, keep them away from this dude.
Marvin Gaye-Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor
Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on
You got the healing that I want
Just like they say it in the song
Until the dawn, let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on
Ladies and gentlemen, two of some of the whitest artists out now with a song named after one of the greatest soul singers to have ever lived. Do I even need to make any jokes about this? That has to be one of the corniest way of saying, “let’s have sex.” Why don’t you take it a step further and say…
man: Hey, baby. Let’s Isley Brothers and go Between The Sheets.
man: Why don’t we R. Kelly and do a little Bump & Grind?
woman: What are you even saying?
man: Let’s say we Usher and make it Burn?
woman: Okay, that last one is stupid and sounds painful. If you’re just gonna waste my time, then I’m leaving.
Second Round K.O.-Canibus
Time for Hip-Hop History 101. In the late 90s (before Twitter and Instagram), upcoming underground rapper Canibus was engaged in a beef with the more established LL Cool J. It was all because on 4, 3, 2, 1, a song from LL Cool J’s album Phenomenon that featured the younger rapper, Canibus had a line that LL felt offended by and was told to remove it. Canibus said he’ll remove the line if LL changed his lines, but he didn’t and then LL dissed Canibus on the same song. They made diss tracks going at each other, including this song, Second Round K.O.
You walk around showin off your body cause it sells
Plus to avoid the fact that you ain’t got skills
Mad at me cause I kick that shit real niggaz feel
While 99% of your fans wear high heels
Damn. Canibus went for the jugular on this one. He does have a point about LL appealing to his large female fanbase.
Well lemme tell you somethin, you might got mo’ cash then me
But you ain’t got the skills to eat a nigga’s ass like me
Whoa whoa whoa. Hold up. Technical foul. Tossing other dudes’ salads is something you shouldn’t be proud of. That’s another Unintentionally Gay Rap Moment for you.
Breakfast At Tiffany’s-Deep Blue Something
You’ll say, we’ve got nothin’ in common
No common ground to start from
And we’re falling apart
You’ll say, the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don’t care
Here’s the setup: a couple’s relationship is coming to an end since they don’t have the same interests anymore. The guy is trying to save this relationship. How does he do it?
And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
She said I think I remember the film
And as I recall I think, we both kind o’ liked it
And I said well that’s, the one thing we’ve got
By bringing up a romantic comedy film from the early 60s. Yeah, this relationship is done for. I get it. People bond over different things. But if you’re pursuing a long-lasting relationship with someone and the only thing you both have in common is liking a certain movie, then you’re doomed to leave each other.
woman: I think it’s time we start seeing other people. We have absolutely nothing in common, so there’s no reason for us to be together.
man: Wanna watch Guardians Of The Galaxy?
woman: Oh, my God. I love that movie.
man: Please stay with me.
I Cry-Flo Rida
Caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
What this? Flo Rida making an introspective song? Not another song about how awesome he is being at a club, popping bottles, and making it rain on some models? *heavenly choir* I can’t believe it. Flo Rida is starting to grow as an artist. At last. Please, Flo Rida. Give us a look inside your soul.
I know you wanna get behind the wheel but only one Rida
Eyes shut still got me swimming like a diver
Get mad ’cause the quarter million on my necklace
DUI never said I was driving reckless
You and I know that jealously is not oppressive
Oh no I can’t stop I was destined
Champagne buckets still got two tears in it
And I put that on my tattoo of Jimi Hendrix
Rihanna kiss you blessed just kill critics
Bugatti never mean I’m rich, just God fearing
Look at me steering, got no boss staring
Got a good feeling
Mr Mike Caren, tell his Billie Jeans
I’m on another planet
Fuck. You. You son of a bitch. You did not just pull the ultimate deception, getting us to believe that this song was gonna be a personal look into your sadness and then go, “NOPE. YOU GET ANOTHER CLUB JAM FROM ME. FOOLED YA.” Why did I not see this? How could I be a fool and think that you would make some deep conscious shit? Fuck you, Flo Rida. Fuck you.
So that was Random WTF Lyrics. No bad lyrics are safe.