Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review

Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review: August 2015

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Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where I look at the 40 most popular songs in the country and tell you which song is either awesome, sucks, or in-between. As you can tell, there’s gonna be a change. Since the last time I did a Top 40 Review, Billboard has changed the time they track the charts and report on them due to artists now releasing music on Fridays instead of the usual Tuesdays, so I figured I need to get with the times and move these Top 40 Reviews from Fridays to Tuesdays. This will be permanent and will take time to get used to (Lord knows I am). Now that we got that out the way, let’s get started.

#40. You Know You Like It-DJ Snake ft AlunaGeorge: C

#39. Talking Body-Tove Lo: A

#38. Rotten To The Core-Dove Cameron, Cameron Boyce, Booboo Stewart, & Sofia Carson: So, apparently, there’s this Disney Channel Original Movie called Descendants, which, from what I’ve read on Wikipedia, is about the teenage offspring of the classic Disney villains. I have no plans to watch it since it looks and sounds like it’s gonna suck. I’ve stopped watching the Disney Channel in 2009 and the only time I would go back to it is if it’s airing one of the classic animated films. Onto this song, Rotten To The Core. OH, MY GOD!! What in the Nine Realms of Asgard did I just listen to? This horrid pile of noise was made for a kids’ film? Ugh. What we have here is a manufactured shit-pile with four main characters of the movie singing about how evil they are (yeah, right) over a washed-out clusterfuck EDM beat with some of the worst use of dubstep since I Knew You Were Trouble. *sigh* Look, guys. I love Disney. They have been a part of my life since birth. I cherish (almost) all of their animated films. As a fan of superheroes, I like what they’re doing with Marvel Studios. And I seriously can’t wait for the next Star Wars movie coming out in December. But this? I don’t care if this was made for a kids’ film. This is fucking horrible. If this was supposed to be a preview of Descendants, then I’m avoiding it like the fucking plague. Rotten To The Core? Sounds about right. I give this an F.

#37. Kick The Dust Up-Luke Bryan: F

#36. Love Me Like You Do-Ellie Goulding: C

#35. Locked Away-R. City ft Adam Levine: I’m not gonna beat around the bush on this one: I like Locked Away. I like the reggae-esque production, setting a summer-like vibe. The lyrics details a ride-or-die chick who will hold her man down and there’s a lot of sincerity in R. City’s perfromance. The only thing I don’t like about this song is the hook from Adam Levine, who is Auto-Tuned to death. God, I hate the hook. Outside of that, this is a good song. I give it a B.

#34. She’s Kinda Hot-5 Seconds Of Summer: Goddamn. This is bad. 5 Seconds Of Summer were never that good in the first place and this song solidifies that statement. These guys made songs where they act like douchebags around women over messy pop-rock instrumentation, She’s Kinda Hot is the latest addition. They basically half-insulted the chick they were talking about by saying she’s “kinda hot,” which means they probably think she’s ugly. Add that in to the instrumentation, which left me with a headache, and you got yourself a shitstorm. I give this an F.

#33. Bitch Better Have My Money-Rihanna: F

#32. Earned It-The Weeknd: C

#31. House Party-Sam Hunt: I really didn’t know what to expect from Sam Hunt’s newest single since I like Leave The Night On and hate Take Your Time. House Party left nothing for me to work with. This is every bro-country song in a nutshell with over-polished production and the typical bro-country topics. Sam Hunt doesn’t do anything here to make himself stand out from the crowd. This is a pile of nothing and it gets a D from me.

#30. Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran: A

#29. Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)-Rich Homie Quan: F

#28. Marvin Gaye-Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor: I’ve previously made fun of this song in a Random WTF Lyrics, and now it’s on the charts, so I’m gonna talk about it more because this song is bad.  The production is reminiscent of the type of music that your parents would listen to and not the good type, but the slow, easy-listening schlock from the 60s that’ll put anyone to sleep. And the attempt to modernize the sound with 808s and gang vocals makes it even worse. Now for the performers. You have Charlie Puth, who was in See You Again, and Meghan Trainor, who is slowly becoming one of my least favorite artists out now. They both suck on here as they fail at making a sex jam and they have the nerve to call it Marvin Gaye. Come on. This is one of the least sexiest sex song ever made that fails on every level. It gets an F.

#27. Sugar-Maroon 5: F

#26. Uma Thurman-Fall Out Boy: Uma Thurman is easily the best song off of Fall Out Boy’s most recent album. I like it a lot. It’s just fun to listen to. It’s always refreshing to hear a song that sounds fun when you got boring ass shit charting. I dig the surfer rock instrumentation. It sounds like something straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie (makes sense since this song is named after Uma Thurman). This song basically has the same premise as Shut Up And Dance, just dancing with a woman. Like I said, this is just a blast to hear. I give this an A.

#25. Want To Want Me-Jason Derulo: D

#24. Classic Man-Jidenna ft Roman GianArthur: C

#23. Post To Be-Omarion ft Chris Brown & Jhene Aiko: F

#22. Hey Mama-David Guetta ft Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, & Afrojack: D

#21. Back To Back-Drake: So I’ve avoided talking about the Meek Mill/Drake feud because it’s nothing more than an elaborate, lame-ass publicity stunt to help boost the sales of Meek Mill’s album. During this whole thing, Drake released two diss tracks; the first one is Charged Up, which is boring and hits as hard as someone’s grandmother, and the second one is this song, Back To Back, which is easily better. For one, he used production that isn’t boring as shit. For some reason, Drake always like to pick beats that drains out the energy from his songs. He has lines here that went at Meek Mill brutally. He never mentions his name, but it was clear who he was talking to. This isn’t a great song and it’s basically a “freestyle,”but it’s okay. I give it a B.

#20. Cool For The Summer-Demi Lovato: A

#19. Photograph-Ed Sheeran: F

#18. Honey, I’m Good-Andy Grammar: B

#17. 679-Fetty Wap ft Remy Boyz: F

#16. Uptown Funk-Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars: A

#15. Worth It-Fifth Harmony ft Kid Ink: F

#14. Shut Up And Dance-Walk The Moon: A

#13. Good For You-Selena Gomez ft A$AP Rocky: C

#12. Where Are U Now-Skrillex & Diplo ft Justin Bieber: F

#11. The Hills-The Weeknd: B

#10. My Way-Fetty Wap: *sigh* I don’t get it. i don’t get the appeal of this guy. He’s a mediocre rapper and a terrible singer with the charisma and personality of molded bread who pushes the same “thugs need love, too” songs that we’ve heard before. So, unsurprisingly, My Way blows. Just like 679, it uses a pseudo-Mustard beat with little to no energy. Meanwhile, Fetty Wap sings and raps (horribly) about a woman (again) and spends more time talking trash abouther ex. Yeah, that’s something you do when you meet someone, trash-talk their ex. He’s the bigger asshole than the ex. This is one of the problems I have with Fetty Wap’s music, he has no focus. He can never stay on topic. Whenever it seems like he’s trying to be romantic, he goes off-topic and drifts back into cliched rap tropes and rehashing the same song. There’s another featured rapper on here, but he’s forgettable. I don’t want to hear anymore music from this talentless asshole again. No question about it, this gets an F.

#9. Trap Queen-Fetty Wap: F

#8. See You Again-Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth: A

#7. Fight Song-Rachel Platten: B

#6. Bad Blood-Taylor Swift: N/R

#5. Lean On-Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft MØ: A

#4. Watch Me-Silento: F

#3. Drag Me Down-One Direction: At this point, One Direction are one step closer to their way out. They’re getting older, one of them left the group, and pretty soon, their prepubescent female fanbase will move on to the next sensation. The fact that they’re still relevant and have fans surprises me. Not even Bieber has those dedicated fans anymore. So One Direction’s newest single is called Drag Me Down, which is a fitting title because this is a drag to listen to. This is a Maroon 5 song. Everything in this song is weak. The instrumentation is weak, the singing is weak, the writing is weak, this entire song is weak, weak, weak. I have nothing else to say about this crap and I will be glad when One Direction takes one direction to irrelevance. I give this an F.

#2. Cheerleader-OMI: A

#1. Can’t Feel My Face-The Weeknd: A

Best New Entry

Uma Thurman

Honorable Mentions

Locked Away, Back To Back

Worst New Entry

Rotten To The Core

Dishonorable Mentions

My Way, Marvin Gaye

So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of August 11, 2015. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review.

Peace!!

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