Welcome back to another Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review, where I look at the Hot 100’s Top 40 and give out my opinions on them. It’s October, ladies and germs. Halloween is near, fall has taken full effect, a lot of my favorite TV shows are back on, and midterms are a pain in the ass that have returned once again. Let’s get started.
#40. Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)-Rich Homie Quan: F
#39. Again-Fetty Wap: I don’t have much to say about this crap. It’s basically a cheap rehash of Trap Queen (that description could also be applied to every song Fetty Wap has ever made) and I’ve said everything that needed to be said about that anal scraping of music. Again has generic production, terrible singing and rapping, and is just another “thugs need love, too” song. Hell, this dude actually recycled lines from Trap Queen. If that’s not laziness, then I don’t know what is. At this point, Fetty Wap’s formula is starting to run dry and if he doesn’t switch things up immediately, the chances of him scoring another hit are at absolute zero. This gets an F.
#38. Same Old Love-Selena Gomez: Unpopular opinion: I think this song is better than Good For You. The only strike against it is the synth tone and the bridge, but I like everything else in the song. Outside of that, the production has an old-school feel that I can appreciate, Selena sounds good, and I don’t mind the writing. I give this song a B.
#37. Thinking Out Loud-Ed Sheeran: A
#36. Marvin Gaye-Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor: F
#35. All Eyes On You-Meek Mill ft Nicki Minaj & Chris Brown: F
#34. Strip It Down-Luke Bryan: I’m still not over the fact that Luke Bryan’s weak ass pop “country” album cockblocked Dr. Dre’s better sounding, better written, and better-executed comeback album from the number one spot. It’s like the Devil works in the music industry and does these things to get at me. Urgh. Anyways, I’m not impressed with Strip It Down. This song is part of the latest trend of country artists not wanting to be country artists. It sounds like a cheaply-made R&B sex track that no one wants and isn’t even that sexy. The Auto-Tune and reverb put on Bryan’s voice sounds horrible. The production is also terrible and doesn’t help matters. I give this song an F.
#33. How Deep Is Your Love-Calvin Harris & Disciples: I got nothing out of this. Nothing really stands out here. It’s your typical EDM song that’s interchangeable with the other EDM that’s out there. The beat isn’t bad, but it’s isn’t anything to write home to. I didn’t give a shit about the singer since she doesn’t really stand out as well. After hearing it, I instantly forgot about it. Not the worst, but not good, either. It gets a D from me.
#32. Cool For The Summer-Demi Lovato: A
#31. Love Myself-Hailee Steinfeld: Why are there so many songs about masturbation? I don’t wanna hear that. And this song is no different. Whatever subtlety was there is instantly thrown out the window. The production is a mess, the writing is bad, and Steinfeld is just not that interesting or good. I’ve heard worse songs, but I have no reason to say that it’s good, either. This song is just blech. I give it a D.
#30. Where Ya At-Future ft Drake: So if you’ve been living under a rock for a month, Drake and Future released a collaboration album. Spoilers: it sucks monkey ass and I didn’t like it. In 2015, it seems like these two formed a bromance and made shitty songs together, like this cut from Future’s last album, Dirty Sprite 2. I’m really confused about the more positive reception of Where Ya At because it’s not that good. It’s dull and boring all around, from the beat to the lyrics about loyalty (haven’t heard that before) to the rapping from both Future and Drake. Maybe people are kinder to this song because it’s not completely godawful like… almost every song Future makes. But that’s basically comparing two dog turds and saying one smells better than the other. At the end of the day, a turd is a turd. Where Ya At gets an F.
#29. Here-Alessia Cara: Am I the only one noticing Lorde’s influence on the music industry? I can’t be the only one. I’m actually liking this trend more than others. Though influence isn’t always a positive. On one end of the spectrum, you have Halsey and the atrocious New Americana, and on the other hand, you have Alessia Cara and Here, which is a pretty damn good song. It’s well-written as it’s about not wanting to be one of those shallow people who party all the time. The production does the doo-wop/R&B sound much better than Meghan Trainor and is a pleasure to listen to. Alessia is an interesting singer and in spite of the Lorde influence, she stands out. I hope to hear this song more often because it’s needed. I give it an A.
#28. Like I’m Gonna Lose You-Meghan Trainor ft John Legend: At this point, I have no expectations about any new music from Meghan Trainor because her previous singles have either worn off on me or made me gag in disgust. Like I’m Gonna Lose You is a very pleasant surprise because it’s actually good. Most of that lies on John Legend, who blows Trainor out the water easily (don’t take that phrasing the wrong way). But the rest of the song is good, too. Yeah, the production is doo-wop, but it actually sounds different from the other singles (mostly thanks to the acoustic guitar). Meghan Trainor is tolerable here in a simple love song. In spite of my harsh criticisms of her (a lot of it well-deserved), I do think Meghan Trainor has potential. Just drop the mean-spirited tracks and do more stuff like this. I’m going to give this song a B.
#27. Where Are U Now-Skrillex & Diplo ft Justin Bieber: F
#26. Fight Song-Rachel Platten: D
#25. Uptown Funk-Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars: A
#24. Shut Up And Dance-Walk The Moon: A
#23. On My Mind-Ellie Goulding: Don’t by Ed Sheeran is an awesome song. It just is. It’s probably one of the best written break-up songs of recent memory with pretty good framing that explained what went wrong with his relationship with Ellie Goulding without slander. She also has a song about her break-up with Sheeran. Just like Don’t, On My Mind has amazing writing that further explains their relationship’s downfall. But I wish Ellie would have picked better production for the song. It’s not bad, it just doesn’t work, especially on the chorus. Still, even though it’s not as great as Don’t, I like it. I give it a B. It was almost perfect.
#22. See You Again-Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth: A
#21. Drag Me Down-One Direction: F
#20. Ex’s And Oh’s-Elle King: Goddamn, I enjoy this song too much. It’s just awesome all around. The blues rock production has a lot of grit and rocks harder than a lot of songs out now. Elle King is awesome. Even with the song framing her as a heartbreaker, it’s believable because she sells it with her voice. I heard that she’s Rob Schneider’s daughter. That’s probably the only good thing he’s contributed to the world. Let’s hope Elle King sticks around. I give this an A.
#19. Renegades-X Ambassadors: A
#18. My Way-Fetty Wap: F
#17. Trap Queen-Fetty Wap: F
#16. Jumpman-Drake & Future: Yay, more fun with these two. Can you tell that I’m happy? Remember when I talked about Drake and Future’s collaboration album? This is the single off of that album and it’s called Jumpman. And it’s as bad as you expect it to be. That title would have been acceptable in the 80s and maybe the 90s, but in 2015? No. This song is the same shit you’ve heard a billion times in modern rap: two dodos rapping about money, bitches, drugs, and how awesome they are over a lifeless trap beat and it’s no fun. How does someone get “turned up” to this dreariness or find any enjoyment out of it? Another thing? Once you’ve heard this song, you’ve pretty much heard the entire album. Except for the last song, every song is the same repetitive shit and it’s tiring to listen to and a lot of people bought it. Ugh. I give Jumpman an F.
#15. Hit The Quan-IHeartMemphis: F
#14. Downtown: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft Eric Nally, Kool Moe Dee, Mellie Mel, & Grandmaster Caz: A
#13. Cheerleader-OMI: A
#12. Photograph-Ed Sheeran: B
#11. Lean On-Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft MØ: A
#10. Good For You-Selena Gomez ft A$AP Rocky: C
#9. Wildest Dreams-Taylor Swift: N/R
#8. Stitches-Shawn Mendes: B
#7. Locked Away-R. City ft Adam Levine: B
#6. Can’t Feel My Face-The Weeknd: A
#5. 679-Fetty Wap ft Remy Boyz: F
#4. Watch Me-Silento (seriously, will this worn-out crap just go away forever?): F
#3. What Do You Mean-Justin Bieber: F
#2. Hotline Bling-Drake: F
#1. The Hills-The Weeknd: A
Best New Entry
Ex’s and Oh’s
Here, On My Mind
Worst New Entry
Where Ya At, Again
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of October 13, 2015. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, a new Target Practice and next week, a new Random WTF Lyrics and the first of a new series on this site.