Random WTF Lyrics

Random WTF Lyrics #16

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Welcome to Random WTF Lyrics where I select six random bad lyrics from six random songs. Let’s get started.

Tim McGraw-Taylor Swift

It’s no secret that Taylor Swift is currently the biggest name in pop music. Anything she does, her fanboys and fangirls go insane over. She could release an entire CD of white noise and it’ll sell a million copies. Before she got overhyped and overexposed, this was her debut single back in 2007.

But when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me

Taylor: I hope you think of me when you think Tim McGraw.

boyfriend: Oh, you mean that middle-aged asshole behind Indian Outlaw, which was basically a Native American minstrel show and stole lines from Indian Reservation? Uh, no.

Taylor: We’re through.

boyfriend: But…

Taylor: Well, that’s one more song for me to write.

Speaking of an artist who’s overhyped and overexposed…

Over My Dead Body-Drake

I think I killed everybody in the game last year, man

Umm… no. You didn’t. Considering that this is the first track off of Take Care, an album I never thought was that great to begin with, and that album was released in 2011, that means Aubrey believes that he conquered 2010. You know, that same year Kanye released My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, which is considered to be a modern-day classic by everyone, and the same year Eminem released Recovery, which was the best selling album of ANY genre that year. Sure, you released your debut album and it did well, but nobody’s breaking their necks to say that Thank Me Later is the new Illmatic.

Just The Girl-The Click Five

This entire song is fucked up to the core.

She’s cold and she’s cruel
But she knows what she’s doin’
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She’s the one I’m after

’cause she’s bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can’t help myself
I don’t want anyone else
She’s a mystery
She’s too much for me
But I keep comin’ back for more
She’s just the girl I’m lookin’ for

Basically, it’s a dude having a crush on a woman who hates his living guts. Look, I understand the whole “forbidden love” thing, but this dude clearly has mental issues if he clearly keeps taking this abuse from this chick.

man 1: So what kind of woman do you like?

man 2: I like a woman who will slap me, punch me, kick me in the nuts, gouge my eyes out, run me over with a car, shoot me, stab me, and shove things into areas where the sun don’t shine.

*awkward silence as man 1 walks away slowly*

If You Wanna Be Happy-Jimmy Soul

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Worst advice ever. I get what this song is trying to say, don’t marry someone based on their look, but on personality, but this is the wrong way to do it. It’s just as shallow as saying, “don’t marry an ugly woman, marry a pretty one.” Beauty, after all, is in the eye of the beholder.

man: Let’s see. Who do I want to marry?

Michelle Obama facing forward, smiling, clad in black dress and single strand pearl necklace resting bare right forearm and both hands on a brocaded sofa armrest.
“No.”
“No.”
“No.”
“YES!! That’s wife material right there.”

I Write The Songs-Barry Manilow

I’ve been alive forever
And I wrote the very first song
I put the words and the melodies together
I am music
And I write the songs

You heard that right. Barry Manilow is music and he wrote ALL of the songs from the beginning of music to now. Egotistical much? Even Kanye is saying, “Yeah, you’re going too far, buddy.”

Stimulated-Tyga

I think we can all universally agree that Tyga is a walking trash can. Outside of making terrible music, having¬†four sexual harassment lawsuits against him, and being BFFs with Chris Brown, he’s also maybe a pedophile. Why I say that?

She a big girl, dog
She a big girl, dog
She a big girl, dog
I’m puttin’ in, I’m penetratin’
I’m gettin’ big, I’m stimulated

For those wondering, this song is basically Tyga trying (and failing) to justify dating Kylie Jenner… before she turned 18. If you now feel a sudden urge to vomit everything out of your system and take at least 10 showers, don’t worry. It’s a natural response. This might be the most pedophilic rap song ever made. It puts those lines from She Swallowed It about statutory rape to shame. Somewhere in the world, R. Kelly and Jared from Subway are listening to this song, smiling with glee. The worst part is that he doesn’t even talk about his feelings for Kylie¬†and all of the fun times they have and how she makes him happy. Nope, it’s just sex, sex, sex, sex. *groans* You know you went too far when the FUCKING KARDASHIAN FAMILY, the epitome of human trash themselves, are calling you out on what is basically bad taste.

So that was Random WTF Lyrics. No bad lyrics are safe.

Peace!!

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