Target Practice

Target Practice: Fergie “Fergalicious”

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Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Fergie. One-fourth of The Black Eyed Peas and part of the reason why they achieved mainstream success after their first two albums didn’t sell dick (seriously, does anyone know that the Peas released albums before Elephunk?). Like I said back in my Target Practice of London Bridge, the Peas took a break after Monkey Business to do solo projects, especially Fergie, who saw the most success with The Dutchess, which spawned three number one hits; London Bridge, which I already talked about and eviscerated, Glamorous, a song that I shouldn’t like, but I do, and Big Girls Don’t Cry, which is easily her best song because it’s different from the other stuff she’s released. The album also churned out two more Top 5 singles, Clumsy, which is an appropriate song title because of how much of a cluttered mess it is, and today’s Target Practice, which features will.i.am. This is Fergalicious.

Listen up you all, ’cause this is it
The beat that I’m bangin’ is delicious

will.i.am. Shut up. This beat isn’t “delicious” at all. Moving on.

Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo.
You could see me, you can’t squeeze me.
I ain’t easy, I ain’t sleazy.
I got reasons why I tease ’em.
Boys just come and go like seasons.

So basically, Fergie is, as Timbaland would put it, a promiscuous girl.

Fergalicious (so delicious)
But I ain’t promiscuous.
And if you were suspicious,
All that shit is fictitious.

Not promiscuous? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them boys on rock, rock.
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

Stacy Ferguson, ladies and gentlemen. A fucking cock tease. I’m sure you’d be a great person to meet.

So delicious (it’s hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
I’m Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

In other words, “I’M SO HAWT!!”

Fergalicious def-
Fergalicious def-
Fergalicious def-
Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy.

Repetition is…

Repetition is…

Repetition is…

Repetition is so fucking lazy. You should never write songs again.

They always claim they know me,
Comin’ to me call me Stacy (Hey, Stacy),
I’m the F to the E, R, G, the I, the E,
And can’t no other lady put it down like me.

Thanks for spelling out your name for us, Fergie. We wouldn’t have known that without you.

I’m Fergalicious (so delicious)
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
He’s my witness (oh, wee)
I put yo’ boy on rock, rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

Gotta maintain that body so you can do more cock teasing. Anyways, on to more will.i.am.

T to the A, to the S T E Y – girl, you’re tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y – girl, you’re tasty

You misspelled tasty. Wow. The amount of stupid will.i.am generates is actually amazing.

D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie

The hell just happened? Did will.i.am have a stroke and couldn’t finish spelling delicious the second time? Back to Fergie.

All the time I turn around brother’s gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my (uh)
I just wanna say it now – I ain’t trying to round up drama, little mama I don’t wanna take your man.
And I know I’m coming off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it.
But I’m tryin’ to tell, that I can’t be treated like clientele
‘Cause they say she…

Listening to J.J. Fad much? I’m not shocked to see Fergie do more cultural appropriation since she has used a fake Jamaican accent on a bunch of songs she did. Well, we’re halfway through the song and at this point, there’s no more new lyrics as the rest of the song repeats itself.

This song is crap-alicious. The production is a mess of clattered percussion, limp bass, and synths that sound like static. It’s like they’re trying to recreate those 80s breakdancing songs, but failed miserably. will.i.am doesn’t contribute anything that helps the song or has a point. The lyrics are bad as they’re nothing more than shallow ego stroking as Fergie is just singing/rapping about how hot she is and how much all the guys want her. It’s like a song that The Black Eyed Peas themselves rejected because of how dumb it is and looking through the Peas’ catalog, that’s saying a lot. Next Target Practice, we look at a country song that’s literally hard to love.

Peace!!

SONGS OF THE WEEK

Hello-Adele

Stronger-Kelly Clarkson

Jar Of Hearts-Christina Perri

Domino-Jessie J

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4 thoughts on “Target Practice: Fergie “Fergalicious”

      1. Fair enough. Being perfectly honest, though, it was actually the honorable mention on my best list for 2014 that was the hardest to cut from the main list. I can see if you don’t like it, but I do feel like giving it an F (or as it was back then, a 1 out of 5) was just a liiiiiitle too harsh. That’s just me, though. Ah well, at least we can agree that Hard To Love is crap. That one is #5 on my worst list for 2012.

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