Welcome to Random WTF Lyrics where I select six random bad lyrics from six random songs. Let’s get started.
I Just Called To Say I Love You-Stevie Wonder
I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart
This is one of the lamest love songs ever made, made worse when you find out who’s performing it. I expect this crap from Bryan Adams, Peter Cetera, or even Michael Bolton, not fucking Stevie Wonder. I Just Called To Say I Love You? That just reeks of high school lameness. And I’m pretty sure Stevie would be unable to operate a phone, let alone find it. Imagine if he dialed the wrong person.
Stevie: I just called to say I love you.
man: Umm… I think you got the wrong number. Besides, I’m already married… to a woman. I’m hanging up right now. *hangs up*
Hotta’ than a baby in a microwave
Oh, my God. What sick fuck puts a baby in a microwave? On another note, I wonder if J-Dash knew that “wop” is actually a derogatory term used against Italians. Yeah, I seriously hope you don’t perform this song in Italy or anywhere where there’s Italians.
Cotton Candy & Popsicles-Insane Clown Posse
Send your shit, I’ll look you up, you met J though he goes first, Yea cause that’s like how it works, slut, I can put aside my axe, give your butt a couple smacks, once you let me all up in, your lucky if we’ll meet again.
Put your candy down, let me show your tongue around,
here’s my popsicle and balls, get on your knees and go for yours.
Insane Clown Posse: as subtle as an axe to the head. Speaking of songs with disturbing implications…
Into The Night-Benny Mardones
She’s just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don’t know what love is yet
But I want you to know
If I could fly
I’d pick you up
I’d take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you’ve never seen – ever seen.
Oh, goody. A grown man has a thing for an underage girl and wants to show her a whole new world. This whole scenario screams of ick. You knew she was underage and people told you not to go for her, yet you ignored them because it’s “true love.” Get. The Fuck. Outta Here. You sick pedophile.
Best Friend-Young Thug
Send a cup, I can’t wait to mistreat ’em
Forcin’ your ho, I can’t wait to mislead ’em
And beat ’em, they ain’t my people
So Young Thug isn’t just gonna have sex with your girlfriend. No, he’s gonna beat her up and rape her. Remind me why people like this guy again.
Do They Know It’s Christmas-Band Aid
So there’s been a debate about which is the worst charity song, We Are The World by USA For Africa or Do They Know It’s Christmas by Band Aid, which were both made during the whole famine and drought of Ethiopia. That’s an easy choice for me, it’s the latter mostly because they don’t even mention Ethiopia specifically, just the whole continent of Africa. Oh, and this line.
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you
Thank God it’s them instead of you? You’re a dick. Do you realize that what you said is the most horrible, mean-spirited thing ever? See, this is the entire problem with this song, the writers were obviously ignorant to what was truly going on in Ethiopia and think that the entire continent of Africa needs help, so they wrote this song, got a bunch of big names from the U.K. to sing about how shitty Africa is and how we, the listener, should give money to help out the cause even though I can guarantee you that everyone involved with making this song are multi-millionaires and could just write some nice checks. And then they throw this condescending shit into the mix. Fuck. You.
So that was Random WTF Lyrics. No bad lyrics are safe.