It’s about that time. Welcome back to another Top 40 Review, where I talk about the more recent songs in the Top 40 and say whether they’re awesome, suck, or in between. February, the month of love. The love for crude, offensive humor thanks to a particular movie coming out this Friday. Of course, I’m talking about Zoolander 2.
DEADPOOL!! I’M TALKING ABOUT DEADPOOL!! Why is this relevant? It’s not. I just wanted to randomly bring up Deadpool because Deadpool is awesome and I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I already know it’s gonna kick ass. On a serious note, let’s stop wasting time and get to these songs.
#40. Home Alone Tonight-Luke Bryan ft Karen Fairchild: The music-reviewing universe has pretty much agreed that Luke Bryan is the absolute worst. Why he’s still gaining hits, who knows? Anywho, this is Home Alone Tonight, his latest single featuring Karen Fairchild of Little Big Town. It’s a song about a man and a woman at a bar getting drunk and trash-talking their exes and they both look like major doucheholes. Karen Fairchild is wasting her time and talents on this dreck while Luke Bryan continues being insufferable. And this production is so sterile and lifeless, a corpse has more life than this. This is not a fun song to listen to and I don’t want to hear it again. It gets an F from me.
#39. Down In The DM-Yo Gotti: F
#38. Watch Me-Silento: F
#37. Stand By You-Rachel Platten: C
#36. Adventure Of A Lifetime-Coldplay: If you were one of the billions of people who watched the Super Bowl 2 days ago, then you’ve probably caught Coldplay’s halftime show performance, which was underwhelming at best with the best part being Beyonce and Bruno Mars outdoing him. Anyways, let’s talk about Adventure Of A Lifetime. Not their best song, but a damn good one. The instrumentation rides of disco/funk and it’s a blast to listen to, plus, Chris Martin sounds great on here. This song is just fun and I would gladly give it repeated plays. I give it an A.
#35. Wildest Dreams-Taylor Swift: F
#34. On My Mind-Ellie Goulding: B
#33. Break Up In A Small Town-Sam Hunt: F
#32. Exs And Ohs-Elle King: A
#31. 679-Fetty Wap ft Remy Boyz: F
#30. Die A Happy Man-Thomas Rhett: D
#29. When We Were Young-Adele: Took ’em long enough. When We Were Young is the second official single from Adele’s 25 album and it’s a great song. The instrumentation is reminiscent of an Elton John ballad from the 70s and it’s excellent with the gothic choirs and the piano. The writing has Adele reminiscing on the old times as children with an old friend. Out of the entire 25 album, this song has some of Adele’s best vocal work to date. It’s perfect for this song. Definitely a highlight from the album. I give it an A.
#28. Antidote-Travi$ Scott: F
#27. Say It-Tory Lanez: F
#26. I Know What You Did Last Summer-Shawn Mendes: D
#25. Hide Away-Daya: F
#24. White Iverson-Post Malone: F
#23. The Hills-The Weeknd: A
#22. Jumpman-Drake & Future: F
#21. What Do You Mean-Justin Bieber: F
#20. Like I’m Gonna Lose You-Meghan Trainor ft John Legend: B
#19. Don’t-Bryson Tiller: F
#18. Hotline Bling-Drake: F
#17. One Call Away-Charlie Puth: F
#16. In The Night-The Weeknd: A
#15. Same Old Love-Selena Gomez: C
#14. Cake By The Ocean-Diet Maroon 5: F
#13. Hands To Myself-Selena Gomez: It seems like Selena Gomez is struggling to find her identity as an artist and she just can’t pull of a lot of things. Her attempts at being sexy falls flat and Same Old Love, one of her better songs, is starting to wear off on me. With Hands To Myself, Selena is attempting sexy again and it doesn’t work (big shocker). She’s just not that convincing here as she sounds bored for the most part and I’m left bored listening to it. Not helping is the laughable writing where she can’t stop touching her lover and hopes that he could be her metaphorical gin and juice (yes, that’s an actual lyric in this song). limp instrumentation. It tries to go for a tropical sound with the percussion, but it ends up being nothing. I have no use for this crap. I give it an F.
#12. Here-Alessia Cara: A
#11. Stitches-Shawn Mendes: D
#10. Me Myself And I-G-Eazy ft Bebe Rexha: C
#9. Roses-The Chainsmokers ft ROZES: B
#8. My House-Flo Rida: D
#7. Work-Rihanna ft Drake: Most recently, Rihanna released her newest album ANTI. I didn’t listen to it because why would I? No one who isn’t a hardcore fan purposely listens to a full Rihanna album. She’s a singles artist and her albums are nothing but a collection of singles. On to Work. It’s a terrible, terrible song that falls apart the moment it starts. This beat is weak as fuck, it’s too murky and has no punch to it. It sounds unfinished. Rihanna’s vocals are pure shit, she sounds like she’s had way too much to drink before she hit the studio. Oh, and Drake is on here. His guest verse was forgettable filler. If this shit was supposed to be a preview of ANTI, then I am so glad I never listened to it. I give this sloppy mess a big fat F.
#6. Summer Sixteen-Drake: By this point, I’m done with Drake. Like I previously said, the dude is overexposed and is over-saturating the market with his presence. The fact that he was everywhere last year and he’s going to release a new album this year fatigues me. Now this wouldn’t be a problem if the music were good. Well… Look, don’t get me wrong, Drake is a talented guy and he can make good-to-great songs; Forever, Take Care, Tuscan Leather, Too Much, 5AM In Toronto, 6PM In New York, Back To Back, etc., but a lot of the music he’s has made over the past couple of years has been okay at best and Summer Sixteen doesn’t change any of that. It’s an unnecessary diss track with an okay beat and some jabs against Meek Mill, Tory Lanez, and haters in general, plus, some bragging. While there’s some good lines, the bars are generic as fuck. Plus, there’s a jab against Obama because he praised Kendrick Lamar over him. Way to be an insecure asshole. There’s really nothing special about this song that warrants any acclaim. It’s only successful because of brand-name recognition and hypebeasts who’ll eat up anything with Aubrey’s name on it regardless. Let’s hope he takes a break after Views From The 6 because the world deserves a break from him. I give this a D.
#5. Hello-Adele: A
#4. Stressed Out-Twenty One Pilots: A
#3. Sorry-Justin Bieber: D
#2. Love Yourself-Justin Bieber: D
#1. Pillowtalk-That one guy from One Direction: Well, this happened. So for those who don’t give a shit about One Direction, myself included, the boy band are on hiatus. How long? Who cares as long as they’re not making music. Anyways, before that, one of them named Zayn (I just can’t seem to escape artists with dumb names) broke off from the group to go solo and this is his debut single Pillowtalk. And unsurprisingly, it’s forgettable at best and it sucks dragon balls at worst. This is Zeke’s attempt at an R&B-esque sex jam and it’s a mess. The production is pretty bad, the bass is too overwhelming that it drowns out the guitar and synths and it creates a dark, murky sound that isn’t sexy at all. The lyrics are your typical vague sex lyrics with some forced swearing and I just don’t buy Zuul as a sex god at all, especially with his unimpressive vocals where he’s trying his damnest at trying to sound like Chris Brown. Hell, Pillowtalk as a whole is a terrible Chris Brown song and it being sung by a douchebag only validates that statement. Get this weak shit outta here. I give it an F.
When We Were Young
Adventure Of A Lifetime
Hands To Myself
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of February 9, 2016. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, a Musical Appreciation on Common’s I Used To Love H.E.R. and next week, a new Random WTF Lyrics and a Target Practice on Jadakiss’ Why.