Welcome back to another Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review where I give my honest opinions on songs currently in the Hot 100’s Top 40. There’s been a lot more activity this month than the previous two, so we got a lot to talk about. Let’s get started.
#40. Exs And Ohs-Elle King: A
#39. Can’t Feel My Face-The Weeknd: A
#38. Die A Happy Man-Thomas Rhett: D
#37. Like I’m Gonna Lose You-Meghan Trainor ft John Legend: B
#36. Exchange-Bryson Tiller: Well, we got ourselves another song from Bryson Tiller, a Drake knockoff. For some buttfucking reason, he has another hit single with Exchange and it sucks as much as Don’t (not the Ed Sheeran song, that one is awesome). The production is meh and Tiller himself still sounds like shit with his Auto-Tuned singing. Then there’s the lyrics where he starts having feelings about his ex and wants to get back with her, but then in the third verse, he wants to screw her over. This guy shows no sincerity in his words and I have absolutely no sympathy for him. Why do people like this guy? *sigh* I give this an F.
#35. 679-Fetty Wap ft Remy Boyz: F
#34. Never Forget You-Zara Larsson & MNEK: When it comes to music from artists outside of the country (that isn’t Canada or the U.K.), sometimes, America doesn’t know what to do with them and as a result, some of these songs that were hits in other countries don’t make that much of an impact on the Hot 100. That’s why I’m happy to see Never Forget You up this high because it’s a damn good song. The production is amazing, especially the piano on the pre-chorus, though the drop could have been better. Zara and MNEK have some pretty solid chemistry and great voices as they both sing about a complicated relationship coming to an end. A perfect duet song for 2016. I give it an A.
#33. Here-Alessia Cara: A
#32. Say It-Tory Lanez: F
#31. Hide Away-Daya: F
#30. Summer Sixteen-Drake: D
#29. What Do You Mean-Justin Bieber: F
#28. In The Night-The Weeknd: A
#27. Oui-Jeremih: It’s 2016 and not only is Justin Bieber and Flo Rida relevant, but so is Jeremih. Who is Jeremih, you ask? Well, I’m not surprised you asked since he’s one of the most forgettable, personality/charisma-lacking R&B singers to blow up whose musical output contains some of the worst of R&B. This guy has yet to make a good song and it looks like Oui isn’t gonna change that anytime soon. This is pretty much a generic love song that doesn’t do anything new and whose hook is rooted on a lame ass pick-up line, “there is no oui without u and i.” Fucking barf. Jeremih himself continues to be bland as ever. The production is weak as fuck, it’s just like nearly every R&B song that has a trap beat on it. I’m confused by how this song is a big as it is because nothing about it stands out. Everything it’s doing has been done before in other better songs. It’s nothing but easily-ignored background music and for that, it gets an F.
#26. Same Old Love-Selena Gomez: C
#25. 2 Phones-Kevin Gates: I’ve long accepted that modern trap rap just isn’t for me. The production and atmosphere for these songs are always dark and murky, the content is always the same gangsta/luxury rap cliches, and the lyrics are elementary at best. The chances of me liking a song from Future or Young Thug are at absolute zero. So why is it that Kevin Gates never generates any negative feeling outside of some songs? Maybe it’s because he’s actually a competent rapper with some insight in his music. I’m still surprised that I actually like 2 Phones. It’s not his best song (no, that goes to I Don’t Get Tired), but it has some good qualities to it. The beat has energy and flavor and while Kevin Gates is rapping about selling drugs and fucking a bunch of chicks, it’s done pretty well here. The only bad thing about the song is the third verse, where he talks about having sex with another dude’s girlfriend, it’s unnecessary. If you ignore the third verse, it’s still a good song. I give it a B.
#24. Hotline Bling-Drake: F
#23. When We Were Young-Adele: A
#22. Jumpman-Drake & Future: F
#21. The Hills-The Weeknd: A
#20. Back To Sleep-Chris Brown: Another year, another terrible Chris Brown song, though in the ocean of terrible Chris Brown songs, Back To Sleep is one of the least terrible ones. I can dig the production, it sounds like one of those 80s R&B slow jams and it sets a romantic mood. Unfortunately, the song’s biggest problem stems from Chris Brown, whose voice is Autotuned to death and that’s not even getting into the lyrics, where Chris says he’s gonna fuck this girl until she falls asleep. What, does your dick ejaculate NyQuil instead of semen? Why did I put that image in my head? Anywho, this isn’t the worst song Chris Brown has ever made, but it’s not doing a good job convincing me to like it. I give it a D.
#19. Don’t-Bryson Tiller: F
#18. Down In The DM-Yo Gotti: F
#17. Stitches-Shawn Mendes: D
#16. One Call Away-Charlie Puth: F
#15. Hands To Myself-Selena Gomez: F
#14. I Took A Pill In Ibiza-Mike Posner: Anyone remember Mike Posner? Dude had a pretty good 2010 with songs that, in retrospect, has aged horribly. It seemed like he was gonna be irrelevant. Then came I Took A Pill In Ibiza, which started off as a boring acoustic ballad about his music career, but then SeeB remixed the song and made it much better than it should be. This is pretty much tropical EDM music done right. You taking notes, Bieber? This production is just great, creating a truly tropical feel, like you’re at an EDM festival during the summer. And the drop is pretty good, too. The song does have a little bit too much reverb (especially in Mike Posner’s voice), but it’s not enough to where it becomes an issue. Mike Posner actually made a good song. Good job, dude. I give this song an A.
#13. Roses-The Chainsmokers ft ROZES: A
#12. Work From Home-Fifth Harmony ft Ty Dolla $ign: The last time I talked about Fifth Harmony, I eviscerated their incompetent, uncreative, unoriginal, annoying piece of shit song Worth It in my Worst Songs of 2015 list. So their next single Work From Home could only be better, right? Well… no. It doesn’t. It’s the same crap, only with a different weaksauce rapper for a guest feature and instead of ripping off Talk Dirty, the shitty production rips off DJ Mustard and Rihanna’s Work. Speaking of Work, this shit also has the same hook as the aforementioned Rihanna song, just the word “work” repeated ad nauseaum. Just like the equally-repetitive Worth It, Work From Home is another degrading sex song with no sex appeal and is just straight-up insulting. How is it possible for this one bad song to rip off two bad songs? That is something else. Either way, I give this shit an F.
#11. Hello-Adele: A
#10. Cake By The Ocean-Diet Maroon 5: F
#9. 7 Years-Lukas Graham: I always try to stay optimistic about newer acts in music because there could be some acts who could be important to the future of music, but those are pretty rare. Think about some of the newer acts of the past two years, how many of them stuck around? Exactly. Anyways, Lukas Graham and 7 Years. I like it. The song has a sweet charm to it that makes it impossible for me to hate it and it’s stemmed from the writing where Lukas talks about getting older, reminiscing on life and how far he’s gotten. The instrumentation fits this song perfectly, adding a sense of soul and nostalgia to the track. I give this an A.
#8. Piece By Piece-Kelly Clarkson: In “Why Should Anyone Give A Shit” news, American Idol is on its last season (honestly, the show should’ve ended ten years ago). Kelly Clarkson showed up to perform and promote her latest single Piece By Piece. So how’s the song? Well, I think it’s good. I do like the writing as Kelly talks about her dad who left her when she was young who now wants to be in her life when she became famous. Kelly’s singing sounds amazing as usual and while the production could have been better, it’s alright. One of the better songs on the charts and it gets an A.
#7. Me, Myself, And I-G-Eazy ft Bebe Rexha: C
#6. Pillowtalk-that one guy from One Direction whose name starts with a Z: F
#5. Sorry-Justin Bieber: D
#4. My House-Flo Rida: D
#3. Stressed Out-Twenty One Pilots: A
#2. Love Yourself-Justin Bieber: D
#1. Work-Rihanna ft Drake: F
I Took A Pill In Ibiza
Never Forget You, Piece By Piece
Work From Home
So those were the top 40 songs of the Billboard Hot 100 as of March 8, 2016. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, Womens’ Month continues with a Target Practice on Hollaback Girl and next week, a surprise post and a Musical Appreciation on Waterfalls.