Target Practice

Target Practice: Beyonce “Partition”

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Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. To say that Beyonce is one of the biggest names in pop music would be the biggest understatement of all time. Of all time. I really don’t have much to say about her at this point. For as big as she is, her catalog has been hit-or-miss. For every Crazy In Love, Irreplaceable, and Halo, there’s also a Diva, 7/11, and today’s Target Practice. Straight off of Beyonce’s self-titled album, this is Partition.

Driver roll up the partition please
Driver roll up the partition please

The definition of partition is the action or state of dividing or being divided into parts. What’s being divided here? What is the partition?

I don’t need you seeing Yoncé on her knees

Then stop showing us that if you don’t want to be seen in suggestive positions.

Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up

45 minutes to put on a dress, high heels, and make-up? Women, am I right fellas? *raises flameshield*

We ain’t even gonna make it to this club
Now my mascara runnin’, red lipstick smudged

Well, that’s what you get for spending 45 minutes getting ready. Your time was wasted.

Oh he so horny, yeah he want to fuck
He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse

Guess jay must’ve took some ExtenZe earlier.

He Monica Lewinski’d all on my gown

8fc37cac2fa5dd5a4e086044fa699be6af0ed39f7f38e970d72a5a9fb5a6c61c.jpg

Whoa dere daddy, daddy didn’t bring a towel
Oh, baby, baby we better slow it down

Eew. Now it’s gonna harden and leave stains everywhere. Wow, that sentence could easily be misinterpreted.

Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up
And we ain’t even gonna make it to this club

Look back at what I said a couple of lines ago.

Take all of me
I just wanna be the girl you like (girl you like)
The kinda girl you like (girl you like)
Take all of me
I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like
The kinda girl you like is right here with me
Right here with me
Right here with me
Right here with me

Well, Jay got ya, Bey. He got ya.

Driver roll up the partition fast
Driver roll up the partition fast
Over there I swear I saw them cameras flash

Getting caught by the paparazzi. What a surprise. On a serious note, paparazzi are assholes with no respect for privacy.

Hand prints and footprints on my glass
Hand prints and good grips all on my ass

Do I even want to know where those prints came from?

Private show with the music blastin’
He like to call me peaches when we get this nasty
Red wine drip filth talk that trash
Chauffeur eavesdropping tryin’ not to crash

The both of you are doing it while there’s people watching? You gotta give Bey this, she is adventurous.

Oh, there daddy, daddy now you ripped my fur
Oh, baby, baby be sweatin’ on my hair
Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up
And we ain’t even gonna make it to this club

Well, what a waste of fur. And what a waste of song this is.

This song is a partition of crap. My God, this song sucks. I get what Beyonce’s trying to do, own her sexuality and embracing it in song form, but these lyrics are laughably mediocre. They go for extremely explicit and it’s not sexy at all, yet people will claim that it’s an empowering feminist anthem. Fucking gag me. For the fact that five people credited to its production, this beat is all levels of garbage. It’s minimalism at its worst, sounding similar to something DJ Mustard would have made. I expected something more with the number of people who produced this. Beyonce has made bad songs before, but for her to stoop this low, along with 7/11, is amazing. How much lower can she go? Next Target Practice, it’s been a while since I’ve reviewed something more recent, so I’ll do just that. So what random song currently burning up the charts can I rip into?

A portrait of a young woman with red hair looking straight at the camera, sporting a green top. To her right stands the title, "NØ".
*dramatic music*

MOTHERFU-

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