Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where I take a look at the 40 most popular songs in the US and offer my thoughts on them. Well, my spring break is over, so let’s not waste any time.
#40. Came Here To Forget-Blake Shelton: How poetic that a song called Came Here To Forget ends up being forgettable. Such an appropriate title. Blake Shelton contributes to the world a boring country ballad with fake production, dull vocals, and mediocre writing. This song could be used to put insomniacs to sleep. Why do people like this again? This forgettable shlock gets an F.
#39. Somewhere On A Beach-Dierks Bentley: Yeah, this song blows. Dierks Bentley’s Somewhere On A Beach is basically Drunk On A Plane 2 with messy instrumentation and sleazy lyrics about hitting on chicks and getting drunk. That’s it. Bro country would be so proud, too bad I can’t say the same for everyone else. It’s not the worst country song out there, but it’s pretty bad. I give it an F.
#38. Let It Go-James Bay: You know? The more I hear this song, the less I like it. It’s not bad, but it doesn’t really do much for me. The instrumentation is decent with a guitar melody that goes on through the entire thing with some piano and drums. But the instrumentation doesn’t fit the content of the song, which is basically a bitter break-up song that doesn’t make James look good. The mood whiplash one must get must be intense. I give this a very modest C.
#37. Father Stretch My Hands Pt 1-Kanye West: Most recently, Kanye FINALLY put his newest album The Life Of Pablo up for streaming on sites outside of Tidal. Thank God. Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1 is the second track on the album and it’s amazing. It’s not perfect, it has a pointless Future sample and Kanye himself has some cringeworthy lines.
Now if I fuck this model
And she just bleached her asshole
And I get bleach on my T-shirt
I’mma feel like an asshole
Dude. Stop. There are children present. I’m getting off track. The positives. The production is amazing, especially on the chorus where you get a mixture of gospel samples, piano, and trap drums that comes together beautifully. Even though Kid Cudi doesn’t do much in the song, he’s definitely a highlight. I can actually tolerate the Auto-Tune in the song for the most part. I spite of the… line about fucking a model with a bleached butthole, every time I come back to The Life Of Pablo, this is one of the songs that gets repeated listens from me. I give it an A.
#36. Die A Happy Man-Thomas Rhett: D
#35. You Should Be Here-Cole Swindell: I heard a lot of negative things about Cole Swindell, so I avoided his music for the most part. But this might be one of the biggest surprises for me because You Should Be Here isn’t that bad. The instrumentation is a bit boring, but the writing of the song is surprisingly good as it’s a tribute to his father, who passed away after he got signed. There’s a lot of legit emotion in this song and Cole nails it. Good job, dude. The rest of your catalog is still garbage, but good job. I give it a B.
#34. Famous-Kanye West: Aaaaaaand we’re at one of the worst songs off of The Life Of Pablo. And one of the most controversial because it mentions Kanye having sex with Taylor Swift and how he made her famous even though she was already famous before the VMAs incident. Seems like Kanye is trying to show off his complicated relationship with fame, but the framing of the entire thing (plus, the Taylor Swift line) just throws the song off . The beat is alright, but nothing great. This entire song is nothing but lost potential because there is a good song buried here. *sighs* Oh, well. I give this an F.
#33. Close-Nick Timberlite ft Tove Lo: Hello again, Mr. Jonas. Why is it that I can never escape the Jonas Brother even after they broke up? One of them is an Adam Levine wannabe and has a band that’s basically diet Maroon 5 and the other one we’re currently talking about is a Justin Timberlake wannabe. I care so little about Nick that I don’t even know why I’m going to talk about his latest single. Close is a bland, by-the-book sex song with decent production. Nick still sounds like Timberlake and even though Tove Lo isn’t at her best here, she still blew him out of the water. Still, I don’t care for this. It gets a D overall.
#32. Down In The DM-Yo Gotti: F
#31. Exchange-Bryson Tiller: F
#30. Humble And Kind-Tim McGraw: The last time I talked about Tim McGraw, I named Indian Outlaw the worst song of 1994. Now, he has this song, Humble And Kind, which has an admirable premise about being kind to others, but I can’t take it seriously with this sappy instrumentation and atmosphere. Tim himself is okay, but he doesn’t do much to make this song great. This song as a whole is just okay, but it won’t get any repeat listens from me. Overall, it gets a C.
#29. Low Life-Future ft The Weeknd: Most recently, I tried to figure out why people love Future so much and give him ridiculous amounts of praise. I listened to Dirty Sprite 2 and his most recent record EVOL to see what the hype was about. And what did I find?
Yep. Trash, trash, and more trash. Today, we have the latest single from EVOL called Low Life featuring The Weeknd. It combines the worst aspects of both artists into a dreary, energy-less sludge with heavy bass and muted keys. It’s more luxury porn that we’ve seen a million times and it’s just not fun. The Weeknd sounds disinterested here and you can tell in his vocals, meanwhile, Future does… exactly what you expect him to do. I most definitely will avoid this by any means. I give this an F.
#28. Don’t-Bryson Tiller: F
#27. Stitches-Shawn Mendes: F
#26. Roses-The Chainsmokers ft ROZES: A
#25. Hello-Adele: A
#24. Middle-DJ Snake ft Bipolar Sunshine: Another year, another DJ Snake song and I like it way more than most people. The beat has a lot of atmosphere with its tropical vibe and another cool drop (though I could’ve done without the vocal samples). Bipolar Sunshine is pretty decent here as he sings about wanting to fix his relationship with his girlfriend and wanting to right his wrongs. It’s not perfect, but for what it is, it’s pretty good. I give it a B.
#23. Jumpman-Drake & Future: F
#22. Don’t Let Me Down-The Chainsmokers ft Daya: Wow, what a stepdown from Roses. I’m not saying it’s bad, but it could’ve been better. The production sounds pretty good with the guitar, then there’s the drop. My God, that drop is terrible. Who thought it was a good idea to pair an annoying synth line with bass-heavy trap drums? Talk about a migraine. Also, featuring Daya was a big mistake. She was unbelievably bland here with her dull vocals and the writing is forgettable at best. I hope The Chainsmokers get their shit together because this is pathetic. I give it a D.
#21. One Dance-Drake ft WizKid & Kyla: Still not looking forward to Views From The 6, especially if songs like this are gonna be on the album. I might get called a hater for this, but recently, there hasn’t been a single song Drake released that has been good and he struck out again with his two newest songs. One Dance is his attempt at dancehall and wow, it’s boring as fuck. Drake’s monotone singing drains the energy out of the song and the production doesn’t help. It’s disjointed and clunky and not fun to listen to. The featured artists sound like shit thanks to the poor mixing. Whoever was in charge of the mixing and mastering of this song needs to be fired ASAP. This song gets an F.
#20. One Call Away-Charlie Puth: F
#19. Oui-Jeremih: F
#18. Hands To Myself-Selena Gomez: F
#17. 2 Phones-Kevin Gates: C
#16. Pop Style-Drake ft Jay Z (kinda) & Kanye West: The collaboration that the hip-hop world was asking for? I’m not gonna pull any punches here; this song is a disappointment. It’s just another lazy brag rap song with a generic beat and another lazy performance from Aubrey with bad lyrics that references Justin Timberlake and, worst of all, Channing Tatum. I’ve said this last year and I’ll say it again, he’s not even trying anymore. Kanye blew him out of water and Jay Z is barely in the song as he only has two bars. Seriously. This song is a forgettable waste of time and is only up this high because of brand-name recognition. I give this an F.
#15. Never Forget You-Zara Larsson & MNEK: A
#14. Sorry-Justin Bieber: D
#13. Dangerous Woman-Ariana Grande: After the flop that was Focus, my anticipation for Ariana Grande’s newest album was very low. Then came Dangerous Woman, which raise that anticipation. Normally, I should laugh at the thought of Ariana Grande trying to be sexy, but just like with Love Me Harder, Dangerous Woman strangely works. The production has great guitar work and it compliments Grande’s vocals, which sticks to her strengths. I’m not completely convinced that she can be a “dangerous woman” (seriously, look at the artwork; she looks like a kid’s version of a Playboy bunny), but she sounds amazing here. Let’s see what else she got. I give this an A.
#12. Cake By The Ocean-Diet Maroon 5: F
#11. Stressed Out-Twenty One Pilots: A
#10. Me, Myself, & I-G-Eazy ft Bebe Rexha: C
#9. Work From Home-Fifth Harmony ft Ty Dolla $ign: F
#8. I Took A Pill In Ibiza-Mike Posner: A
#7. My House-Flo Rida: D
#6. Love Yourself-Justin Bieber: D
#5. Panda-Future’s long lost twin brother: By this point, all of you expect me to tear this song apart and you would be absolutely 100% correct. Seriously, why the fuck does this exist and why does this Desiigner guy have a career? Dude is a Future clone top to bottom. He has the same sore throat voice as Future, he uses Auto-Tune like Future, and he makes the same songs as Future as well and Panda is fucking garbage. The beat is every trap beat that you’ve heard before, the bars are brag raps that you’ve heard before, and Desiigner himself is doing everything he can to rip off Future. It offers nothing new, it’s not creative or exciting, it’s a song with no purpose. I find it funny, though, that a song from a Future clone charted higher than any song from Future himself. Still, this song, unsurprisingly, gets an F.
#4. Pillowtalk-Zeus: F
#3. NØ-Meghan Trainor: I’ll talk more about this song in an upcoming post. I’ll leave you with this for now: the song is a contender for worst song of 2016 and it gets an F. Nuff said.
#2. 7 Years-Lukas Graham: B
#1. Work-Rihanna ft Drake: F
Father Stretch My Hands Pt 1, Middle
Panda, Low Life
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of April 12, 2016. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, a new Target Practice.