Target Practice

Target Practice: Minnie Riperton “Lovin’ You”

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Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. The 70s. What’s there really to say about this groovy decade? Even though I wasn’t even born at the time, I had a deep appreciation to the music of that era mostly thanks to growing up hearing this music from my pops. When most people think 70’s music, what comes to mind instantly is classic rock, funk, and disco, which is partly true. But if you take a look at the Year End charts of the decade, that’s barely scratching the surface of what was popular of the time. In a quick glance, I noticed a lot of easy-listening stuff that wouldn’t sound out of place in a spa. And just like every other decade, the 70s also had its fair share of atrocities like today’s Target Practice victim, which was a number one hit back in 1975. From Minnie Riperton, this is Lovin’ You.

Loving you is easy cause you’re beautiful
Making love with you is all I want to do

As opposed to if this guy was ugly, then he wouldn’t get any. Sorry, ugly dudes. You don’t have a chance with Minnie.

Loving you is more than just a dream come true
And everything I do, is out of loving you

Lovey lovey lovey love love love. My God, this is like a love letter written by a fifth grader. Nope, I take it back; fifth graders are capable of writing something better than this. They would at least put some form of creativity into their writing.

La la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la la la

I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again; if your chorus consists of a bunch of la la las, you need to go back to the drawing board and start over.

Do do do do do, ooh

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Aaaand at this point, every dog that heard this went nuts. Yeah, that high-pitched dog whistle is part of the reason why I can’t stand this song. It’s so sudden and it hits you when you least expect it.

No one else can make me feel the colours that you bring,
Stay with me while we grow old,
and we will live each day in spring time

……………

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No one else can make me feel the colours that you bring,
Stay with me while we grow old,
and we will live each day in spring time

No one else can make me feel the colors that you bring? Woman, are you on drugs? If so, I wouldn’t be surprised, but even you had to give that line a second glance and realize how ridiculous it is. This is what happens when you try to be poetic and have no idea what you’re saying.

Cause loving you has made my life so beautiful
And every day of my life, is filled with loving you
Loving you I see your soul come shining through

You know? This song mentions love so much, it stops being a word and starts being a sound. What do you love about this guy? Can you provide us an answer instead of rambling like some stereotypical teenage girl who fell in love for the first time?

And every time that we have (uuuuhhhhhhh)
I’m more in love with you

Every time that we have… what are you… oh, you sly dog. You’d think we wouldn’t know what you mean? At this point, there’s no more new lyrics, which means we can wrap this up.

This song is… blech. I hated this song when I first heard it and to this day, I still hate it. The writing is sugarcoated nonsense, spouting vague “I love you” lines that even a bad Valentine’s Day poem wouldn’t dare use. Okay, you love this guy. What else? What do you love about him? The instrumentation is audio NyQuil; it’s just dull keys and acoustic guitar paired with the sounds of birds. It’s like the sound was designed to put people to sleep. And I’m sorry, but I can’t stand Minnie Riperton’s voice, especially when she hits that high note that’s like nails on a chalkboard. I’m aware that she’s one of the few singers who can hit that note alongside Mariah Carey, but at least Mariah Carey had presence and real emotion behind her singing, which is very lacking in Minnie’s. I don’t believer her when she’s singing about how much she’s in love, especially given the writing. When people bash the current generation of music for being soulless and manufactured, this is one of those songs that can be used to explain to them that crap has always been popular since the beginning of pop music. Next Target Practice, we head back into the world of country with Trace Adkins and a whole lot of cringe.

Peace!!

SONGS OF THE WEEK

Simon Says-Pharoahe Monch

Don’t Leave Me-Blackstreet

Lights-Ellie Goulding

International Players’ Anthem-UGK ft OutKast

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