Welcome back to another Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review where I give my opinions on the 40 most popular songs in the country. A few things before we get started: 1) Apologies for not posting this yesterday. There was an outage that left my home without power for a while and I couldn’t access the Internet, meaning I couldn’t write posts here and was unable to meet the deadline. It sucks for me because whenever I create a schedule for future posts, I stick to it 100% and make sure the deadline is met and for this to happen makes me feel bad because I feel like I’ve betray all of you readers who were waiting on this post. I hope it won’t happen again, but nothing is guaranteed. 2) In about a month, the United States will elect its 45th President and I fear for our future. Between Trump and Clinton, we’re screwed for the next four years either way. Sure, there’s other options like Jill Stein and Gary Johnson, but they don’t get as much coverage as the other two clowns and the chances of them winning are EXTREMELY low. To all of my American readers, if you’re 18 or older and you’re not register to vote, do so immediately. You don’t like how the system is working? Get up, register, and when November 8 comes, head out there and let your voice be heard. 3) On a more positive note, Halloween is coming. Have fun, watch your favorite horror movies, go trick-or-treating, party, and if you see any suspicious clowns…
Let’s get started.
#40. Chill Bill-Rob $tone ft J Davi$ & Spooks: 2016 has not been a good year for mainstream hip-hop. Every week, there’s always a new mediocre bargain-bin rap song that’s taking up space from actual good songs. For some strange reason, I actually don’t mind Chill Bill by Rob $tone. Yeah, it’s another generic brag rap song, but the bars from all three rappers on the song are competent enough, even if they are basic as hell, and the flows are alright. And I appreciate the whistle sample, even when it’s used for another standard trap beat. Look, this song isn’t great and I don’t plan on having it on repeat any time soon, but I rather listen to this over most mainstream hip-hop songs that charted. I give it a C.
#39. No Limit-Usher ft Young Thug: F
#38. Black Beatles-Rae Sremmurd ft Gucci Mane: Just when I thought these two idiots are done for, here they are with another song on the charts, Black Beatles with Gucci Mane. Goody. The beat is easily the best part of the song with textured synths and keys complimenting the trap drums. It’s one of Mike WiLL Made-It’s better production works and one of my blood vessels just popped after saying that. Unfortunately, the beat has been given to two of the most incompetent rappers out there with more empty flexing and posturing, plus, Gucci Mane continues to be overrated with a forgettable verse, making me wonder why people like him in the first place. Setting aside the disgrace of them comparing themselves to one of the greatest rock bands of all time (and I won’t argue with anyone who says otherwise), this is more of the same crap that these two have given us again and again. I give this an F.
#37. For Free-DJ Khaled ft Drake: F
#36. Controlla-Drake: D
#35. Timmy Turner-Desiigner the Future clone: F
#34. Setting The World On Fire-Kenny Chesney ft P!nk: C
#33. Panda-Desiigner the Future clone: F
#32. Sit Still Look Pretty-Daya: F
#31. Into You-Ariana Grande: A
#30. Unsteady-X Ambassadors: D
#29. OOOUUU-Young M.A.: And now we have forgettable hip-hop song #344239, OOOUUU from Young M.A. You know you’re in for nothing good when the title is a sound one makes while receiving oral sex. Outside of decent production, there’s nothing to the song; basic punchlines, typical bragging, bland flows, all of the cliches of a so-called banger. The only note-worthy thing about this is that in spite of voice and appearance, Young M.A. is a woman. And an open lesbian.
Baby gave me head, that’s a low blow (That’s a low blow)
And she make me weak when she deepthroat
Question: how can she deepthroat you when you don’t have a penis? Anyways, from what I’ve heard, this song gained notoriety because it was used in a diss track by Meek Mill against The Game in their feud. *sigh* For being uninteresting overall, I give this song an F.
#28. My Way-Calvin Harris: Am I the only one who’s bored with Calvin Harris? A lot of his music is just uninteresting to me, following an exact pattern with the same sounds. Case in point: My Way. This song reminds me so much of Feel So Close (which is shit, BTW) with limp piano and guitar melodies anchoring the same drums that’s present in a lot of Calvin’s production. There’s not much to the writing and Calvin is still a weak singer, which is why other people to sing his songs. I care very little about this song, which is why it gets an F.
#27. The Greatest-Sia ft Kendrick Lamar: You know? As much as I’d like to see Kendrick Lamar on the charts, I wish it was for his own songs instead of these appearances on mediocre pop songs. My God, is this underwhelming for all parties involved. The Greatest has tropical production, just like Cheap Thrills (a song that’s grown on me big time and is now at a B) except with all of the good parts being removed and replaced with what’s basically another dime-a-dozen self-empowerment anthem. Sia barely contributes anything interesting to the song, meanwhile, Kendrick contributes a subpar verse that undermines his talents. Hopefully, he doesn’t do this anymore…
The Greatest, my ass. This is just plain mediocre and it’s an easy D from me.
#26. Hymn For The Weekend-Coldplay: B
#25. This Town-Niall Horan: With One Direction on hiatus, this leaves room for its members to create solo careers. Earlier this year, Zayn broke out with one of the most forgettable songs of 2016 with Pillowtalk. Now, the next 1D member to go solo is Niall, who leans more towards “white guy with acoustic guitar” with This Town. This sounds like something Jason Mraz would make; the writing very schmaltzy and elementary, I can’t get invested in this song at all. Niall as a singer is meh and the instrumentation isn’t anything to write home to. I don’t have a reason to like this song, it’s just boring it me. I’m giving it an F.
#24. Sucker For Pain-a shitload of people: B
#23. Can’t Stop The Feeling-Justin Timberlake: C
#22. Luv-Tory Lanez: F
#21. We Don’t Talk Anymore-Charlie Puth ft Selena Gomez: F
#20. Starving-Hailee Steinfeld & Grey ft Zedd: C
#19. Too Good-Drake ft Rihanna: C
#18. All We Know-The Chainsmokers ft Phoebe Ryan: This is pretty much the year of the Chainsmokers. Seems like every song they’ve released is more successful than the previous. Still, they have yet to match the greatness of Roses and it looks like All We Know isn’t going to change that. This is basically a better version of Closer, but it’s still not great. Everything in that song is done better here with the piano from the previous song being replaced by a liquid guitar groove. The drop is also much better and less headache inducing. The writing is also an improvement, touching upon a relationship that’s slose to ending, but both partners want to fix it immediately. But the vocals from both Phoebe Ryan and Andrew Taggart are very flat and are on the same tone, so I don’t feel any emotional weight in the song. Overall, All We Know is better than Closer and Don’t Let Me Down, but it’s no Roses, either. I give it a C.
#17. Send My Love (To Your New Lover)-Adele: D
#16. One Dance-Drake ft WizKid & Kyla: F
#15. Needed Me-Rihanna: F
#14. Ride-Twenty One Pilots: A
#13. Gold-Kiiara: F
#12. Side To Side-Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj: C
#11. This Is What You Came For-Calvin Harris ft Rihanna: D
#10. I Hate U I Love U-gnash ft Olivia O’Brien: F
#9. Don’t Let Me Down-The Chainsmokers ft Daya: D
#8. Cheap Thrills-Sia ft Sean Paul: B
#7. Treat You Better-Shawn Mendes: F
#6. Broccoli-D.R.A.M. ft Lil Boat: F
#5. Let Me Love You-DJ Snake ft Justin Bieber: D
#4. Cold Water-Major Lazer ft Justin Bieber & MØ: C
#3. Heathens-Twenty One Pilots: D
#2. Starboy-The Weeknd ft Daft Punk: After conquering 2015, The Weeknd is back with a new album coming out in November and the lead single is a collaboration with electronic music gods Daft Punk, a collaboration that kinda makes sense and resulted in awesomeness. Daft Punk did a pretty good job on the production, even if it’s mostly bass, synths, and minimal piano. The bleakness of the production works well for the content of the song, where The Weeknd deals with his transition from Canadian sensation to a global superstar and the aftermath of gaining as much fame as he did. Great song overall. It gets an A from me.
#1. Closer-The Chainsmokers ft Halsey: D
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of October 12, 2016. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review.