Worst Songs List

Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 2016

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Hello, motherfuckers. This is your friendly neighborhood Deadpool. Right now, you’re on your smartphone, tablet, or laptop probably wondering the whereabouts of some guy named B-HOP. Well, he’s running late, so I decided to commandeer his blog…

Deadpool?

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B-HOP!! My brutha from another mutha!! What’s crack-a-lackin’?

Deadpool, what are you doing here and where is Samuel L. Jackson?

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You mean Nick Fury? He couldn’t make it due to… complications. But enough about him. It’s time we address the elephant in the room.
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For fuck’s sake, Francine. Loosen your trunkhole. I’m not talking about you.

 

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No, I’m talking about something else. I know that you’re reviewing movies and I noticed that you forgot about a… certain film released this year?

What, Zootopia? I have a really busy schedule; I’ll get to it at some point.

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No, cockmuncher!! I’m talking about my movie. You know? The R-rated smash hit that 20th Century Fox redeemed themselves with after that fucking awful Fant-four-stic movie with a naked Thing and that other movie where they sewed my fucking mouth shut? You reviewed every other superhero movie but mine. Time to correct that mistake.

I’ll review your movie, Deadpool. Now get the fuck out of my laptop.

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At least my home country didn’t elect an overgrown Oompa-Lompa as our leader.
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“THE MAN SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!!”
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*screams* Don’t Force-choke me, Mace Windu!!

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What I’m going to say will shock absolutely nobody and has already been said millions of times before, but it bears repeating because some people aren’t aware of how serious this is: 2016 SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!! No exaggeration. From a disastrous election where the least-qualified candidate got elected to the war against social justice by white nationalists to various deaths of legends in music and other entertainment to the Internet turning a dead gorilla into Jesus Christ. This has been a huge clusterfuck of a year and never has that been more evident than in the pop charts. This might possibly be one of the worst years for mainstream music ever. Barely a quarter of the songs on 2016’s Year End list compose of songs that I actually like and that includes leftovers from last year. The rest ranges from average to eww. 2016 gave us an overload of tropical house, trap, and dark, depressing shit. Putting this list together was the most difficult thing I did because there was so many contenders that could qualify. Eventually, I narrowed it down to 12 spots for the dishonorable mentions and keeping with tradition, 10 spots for the main list. This wasn’t easy, folks. So, let’s all suffer together once more with the Top 10 Worst Songs of 2016. May God have mercy on our souls.

Before we start the list, here are the first six dishonorable mentions.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS I

DrakeOneDance.pngDrake - Pop Style.svg

It was really easy to get sick of Drake in 2016. The dude was everywhere and was releasing mediocre music nonstop, including the frustrating letdown that is Views. The two songs that perfectly represented the low quality of that album was One Dance and Pop Style. The production on One Dance is just the worst; it’s plastic, thin, and horrifically mixed. Add in a fake Jamaican accent from Aubrey Graham and poorly integrated vocals from both Kyla and WizKid and you got yourself a bad song. Pop Style is one of the laziest songs Drake has ever done, which is saying something. He isn’t even trying to put effort into this song, rapping like he just took Nyquil while spouting more generic bragging and some really bad lines like “dropped outta school, now we dumb rich” and “got so many chains, they call me Chaining Tatum.” Not only that, but it also wastes Jay Z and Kanye with the former only having two bars. TWO BARS. This shit has to stop and yet Drake is still releasing new music next year. Fuck everything.

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In case you couldn’t tell, 2016 was horrible for mainstream rap, maybe just as bad as the mid-late 2000s. The genre was overloaded with nonstop atrocities that lowered the quality of the genre while actual good songs either barely charted or didn’t chart at all. This leads into Desiigner the Future clone, a rapper whose only distinction is that he sounds like Future. His big hits are Panda and Timmy Turner, which are both dogshit. Panda has a generic bargin-bin trap beat, incoherent rapping, annoyingly distracting ad-libs, and more luxury rap bragging that isn’t interesting at all. I’m still baffled that this ever hit number one, it shows how bad 2016 was that the public will buy anything. Timmy Turner isn’t any better with its boring gothic beat that’s all build-up to nothing and has more Auto-Tune than a Future song, making the rhymes more incoherent. Plus, it tries to tell a story about struggling with fame, but it fails at it because Desiigner the Future clone isn’t good at rapping or writing. Let’s not act like there aren’t better rap songs about struggling with fame (like the majority of To Pimp A Butterfly where the aftermath of fame is an important theme). I will be happy to see Desiigner the Future clone become irrelevant because we already have enough problems with one Future, we don’t need another one.

Closer (featuring Halsey) (Official Single Cover) by The Chainsmokers.png

The more I heard this song, the more annoying it becomes. The Chainsmokers started 2016 on a high with Roses, but every song afterwards got worse and worse until we get to Closer with Halsey. Yep. They teamed up with Miss New Americana herself for this soulless, empty love song for millennials with basic-level production, shallow writing, bad singing from both Andrew Taggart and Halsey, and one of the worst drops of the year with what sounds like a synthesied broken car horn. This is going to be one of those songs that people in 10 years will look back on and say, “this bullshit was a number one hit for 12 weeks? How stupid were people back then? Oh, wait. They elected Donald Trump as President.”

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Did you know that this is supposed to be a sex song? Couldn’t tell from the sound, couldn’t you? Pillowtalk, the breakout hit from One Direction’s Zayn is the perfect example of what NOT to do while making a sex song. The drowsy beat sounds like someone had way too much to drink and was stumbling and throwing up everywhere. Yeah, because that’s what sex feels like. Not helping are the lyrics which are way too hyperbolic in terms of sex. Plus, Zayn keeps reminding me of Chris Brown vocally and that’s not a good thing. I just can’t see how anyone besides hipsters can make love to this. Next.

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Here’s another rapper who’s easy to get sick of, Future. For some reason, people give Future a lot of praise, which is weird because not only is his music not that good, but it all sounds the same. With the latter, you can thank one man, Metro Boomin, who seems to be this year’s DJ Mustard. Hazy keys, heavy bass, and simple trap drums seem to be the only thing this guy has to offer because all of his beats have those sounds. Both Low Life and Wicked are just Future wallowing in his hedonistic lifestyle of drugs and women and they’re both boring and tedious. With The Weeknd, I at least believe in his hedonism and he actually brings more to the table content-wise and through the production. I don’t get any of that from Future. Oh, and even though the guy has made a career out of drug-induced music, Future admitted in an interview that he doesn’t do any drugs, he just raps about it because people were buying that kind of music. So he’s lying through his music like Rick Ross. I get that it’s entertainment and all, but how was there no backlash afterwards?

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P!nk, you’re my girl and all, but why did you have to do this to me? Why did you do a song for the sequel to Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland remake that NOBODY asked for? Just Like Fire is a soulless sellout of a song. The production is trying way too hard to be modern and trendy, clashing folk and hip-hop elements into an clusterfuck of a track. The content of the song is nonexistent and P!nk vocally is at her worst. Don’t even get me started on the rap bridge, it’s one of the most cringeworthy moments of the entire year. P!nk…

You broke my heart

Now onto the list itself.

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Maroon 5 has officially established themselves as one of the worst music acts of the decade, making some of the most sterile, bitter piles of radio filler that has ever been made. That has been made evident by their latest single, which is currently in the Top 10 at the time of this post. Nothing lasts forever and there will come a time when Maroon 5 won’t be able to make anymore hits which can only be a good thing. Unfortunately, the mainstream has this tendency to find artists who are musically similar to the big names and promote the hell out of them to death. Thus, the number 10 song on the list comes from a band who’ll most likely replace Maroon 5 in the future.

10.

A piece of cake on a white background with a knife and the words "DNCE: Cake by the Ocean"

DNCE are pretty much a diet Maroon 5 with Joe Jonas taking up the role of Adam Levine. But unlike Maroon 5, who started their career making good songs, DNCE hit the ground running with Cake By The Ocean, which sucks warthog testicles. First off, the instrumentation is terrible, even with a somewhat-decent bassline. The mixing is overdone to the point of noise. None of the instruments have room to shine or breathe, especially in the chorus. The overmixing also affects the vocals, which are also shit with Joe clinching his nuts with a wrench to sound like Adam Levine. And now for the lyrics. This song is ten pounds of stupid with a metaphor that’s nonsensical and gross. Cake By The Ocean. Why would you have cake at- it’s about sex isn’t it? Of course, it’s about sex. This song is as subtle as a zit the size of a dime. This is the type of music that you’d expect to hear at a crazy-wild college fraternity party where everyone is drunk off their ass and there’s vomit everywhere. I hope that DNCE don’t stick around, but considering the events of this year, I’m not betting on it.

The number 9 song comes from an artist who also had the same position in last year’s Worst Songs list and is responsible for some of the whitest music of our times. Welcome back, Charlie Puth.

9.

Charlie Puth Feat. Selena Gomez - We Don't Talk Anymore (Official Single Cover).png

I was originally going to give this spot to One Call Away, but then I realized that We Don’t Talk Anymore is much worse. Can we talk about this instrumentation first? It’s basically the love-child of the WGWAG genre and the slowest tropical house beat found. Fun fact: the guitar in the song was recorded in a closet through an IPhone. That explains why it sounds so cheap and why it doesn’t mesh well with the rest of the instrumentation. The writing doesn’t help matters, either, as it’s just a post-breakup song where Charlie is all pissy about it like an attention-hungry toddler. It really makes me not want to sympathize with him. His vocals are lightweight crap and he has zero chemistry with Selena Gomez, who is also still not over the relationship. I have an idea, you two: instead of bitching about not being together, why don’t you, I don’t know, get back together and spare our ears of this crap? God.

Speaking of Selena Gomez, she has the number 8 worst song of the year.

8.

An image of Selena Gomez in a black lingerie two-piece trying on a white shirt while looking at her reflection through a glass door.

Selena, you’re trying WAY too hard at this sexy stuff. You have basically turned into every single former kid star who wants the world to know that they’re an adult. Whenever a female former kid star does this, they usually resort to hyper-sexualization, which often times feels forced and hackneyed, which is a perfect description for Hands To Myself, along with other negative adjectives. The instrumentation is a joke, going for a minimal tropical sound that for some reason, keeps going on and off and a swelling pre-chorus that builds up to nothing. This must be what premature ejaculation feels like during sex. The lyrical content is even worse as Selena is touching up on people without their permission and she won’t stop. Sexual harassment, that’s always fun. It’s like the music version of going to a rave with someone who took too much ecstasy, you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, and you just want to leave. What I’m trying to get at is that this is not a pleasant song to listen to.

Number 7 goes to a song that I’ve done a complete 180 on. Earlier this year, I would’ve been one of those people defending this song. Now? No so much. So let me once again introduce you to LUKAS GRAHAAAAAAAM!!

7.

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Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you are considering that I initially praised this song. But the more I thought about it, the worse 7 Years became in my eyes and the more it soured on me. The instrumentation is dull and slow, aiming for a sentimental feel, but it hasn’t earned it since it’s not sincere. This is something you would hear in some low-rate Lifetime Channel movie. And then we get to the lyrics, which was the official kiss of death for me. Now, reflecting on your life and career is one thing, but when you’re doing that on your BREAKOUT SINGLE, it kinda makes you look like a jackass. Plus, some of these lines are… questionable.

By eleven smoking herb and drinking burning liquor

Really, bruh? Were you really getting high and drunk at age eleven?

Once I was eleven years old, my daddy told me,
“Go get yourself a wife or you’ll be lonely.”

Motherfucker, you were eleven. Why is your dad pressuring you to get a wife? See what I mean? These lines get dumber and dumber the more you think about it. The frontman, Lukas Forchammer, has a voice that makes me want to grab a pickax and dig out my eardrums. He couldn’t hit a note even if it had a target symbol painted on it. Then there’s the arrogance that leaks out of every second of this song where he puts himself on a pedestal as some world-famous music icon. This is just 4 minutes of this guy sucking his own dick. Why did I ever give this crap a pass in the first place?

The number 6 song is a perfect example of “Feminism: You’re Doing It Wrong.”

6.

Work From Home (featuring Ty Dolla $ign) (Official Single Cover) by Fifth Harmony.png

I don’t like Shit Harmony. In other news, grass is green and the sky is blue. They’re pretty much this generation’s Pussycat Dolls, making music that’s uninteresting at best and infuriating at worst. Guess which area Work From Home falls into? Yep, the infuriating part. This song is insulting both musically and mentally. The beat is an awful copy of DJ Mustard’s sound, only even more processed and unnecessarily dark. I always get a creepy vibe hearing this song because of those twinkling chimes and farting synth. The vocals also sound shitty and processed. I swear, these chicks sound like chipmunks on cocaine. And then we get to the more insufferable part, the lyrical content. Setting aside the fact that just like Rihanna’s Work, they repetitively regurgitate the word “work” 93 times in this 3 and a half minute-long song (you do the math), it’s another sex jam. This time, the girls are so desperate to have their pastries filled that they’re willing to call their boyfriends at work and get them fired just for a moment of stuffing the turkey where the guy is the boss. Ugh. I’m getting Worth It flashbacks with how submissive and entitled these chicks are and how they’re setting women back 50 years. Fuck this song with a 20-inch spiked dildo.

Before we continue on with the list, here are the final six dishonorable mentions.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS II

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Here’s a song that I’m sure won’t be on anyone’s list. Just because We Don’t Talk Anymore is worse, it doesn’t mean that One Call Away isn’t bad. What’s there to say about this song that no one else has said? The instrumentation is bland, safe, and whitebread. Charlie’s singing sounds like a YouTube amateur doing a cover of one of his song, and then there’s the lyrics, which range from corny to just plain dumb. “Superman got nothing on me.” Do I even need to explain why that line is so stupid? One Call Away, one second away to various punchlines.

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Ahh, here’s the Florida-Georgia Line we’re all familiar with: with all of the suckage intact. Instead of a bro-country party song, FGL gives us H.O.L.Y., a bro-country love song that’s about as romantic as a dinner date to Hooters. The instrumentation sounds like a reject from a boy band album, a bad boy band album. The religious references in the lyrics are phoned-in and not genuine. Oh, do you wanna know what H.O.L.Y. means in the context of the song? High off loving you. Get it? *sigh* What can I say? This song blows. Next.

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This shouldn’t have been a hit at all. This is how you know people were desperate for hits this year when you have this crap on the charts. Down In The DM is basically Yo Gotti hitting on someone else’s girlfriend on Instagram through Direct Messaging. Yo Gotti is in his mid-30s, he sounds like somebody’s uncle who just discovered social media and is using it to pick up girls. Outside of that, there’s not much else to the song, generic beat, below-basic lyrics, and a rappers whose voice sounds like he used to smoke two packs a day. It’ll be really funny to see how dated this song will be in the future. Oh, wait. It’s already dated.

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Oh, this won’t be controversial at all. So people like this song. I respect that: opinions are opinions. I just hope that those people understand that I don’t share their love for this song and the artist attached to it. Travis $cott is one of the most overrated artists out now and Antidote does nothing for me. It’s another generic rap song about weed where Travis is mostly rapping with the worst Auto-Tune ever constructed that makes him sound inhuman. It’s like the bastard lovechild of Future and 808s Kanye. I know some of you who like Antidote probably have your pitchforks and torches out ready to shed blood and all I can say is: come at me, bro. I don’t like this song, what do you want me to do?

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Another year, another Chris Brown song. While Back To Sleep is one of the lesser bad songs from him, it’s still bad regardless. The production is decent, reminiscent of an 80s slow jam and you have the unnecesary Auto-Tune thrown in. But then there’s the lyrics where Chris Brown says he’s gonna have sex with his woman before she goes back to sleep. That doesn’t sound bad until you look at lines like “don’t say a word, no, don’t you talk.” Yeah, that doesn’t sound like rape at all. Does anyone ever proofread these lyrics before recording? I’m guessing in Chris Brown’s case, no.

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P!nk isn’t the only great artist who disappointed this year with shit. What the hell was Usher thinking with this disaster? The dark, murky trap beat along with Usher singing with a rap flow doesn’t make for a good listen. The lyrics are littered with lame-ass references to Master P and No Limit Records because why not with a song named No Limit? And showing up to make a bad worse is Young Thug. Nuff said. It always hurts when a good artist makes a bad song, especially when said good artist has another song that’s really good and should’ve been a hit instead (Crash). Usher, you’re better than this.

The number 5 spot goes to a song that I’m pretty sure can cure insomnia and it’s also one of those songs that has me baffled at why it was a hit. It’s the only hip-hop song on this list and it’s the absolute worst.

5.

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White Iverson. This should not have been a Top 20 hit. There’s barely anything to this song, it’s so barebones that it might as well be a demo track. This song is so BOOOOOOOOOO-RING!! The beat could be used to put babies to sleep. No energy, no presence, nothing. Spa music has more of a punch than this snoozefest. And then there’s Post Malone, whose flow sounds like Justin Bieber trying to rap after a trip to the dentist, hitting the same two notes over and over. The only somewhat interesting thing about Post Malone is that he looks like Riff Raff’s twin brother, especially with the grills and braids. It seems like a joke, but it’s not. Aside from that, there’s nothing to this guy; he contributes the same luxury rap shit that we’ve heard a bunch of times while making some lame basketball puns comparing himself to Allen Iverson. And do I even want to know what “saucin'” is? No, I don’t, because I hate this song. There are some people out there who’ll defend this song’s downtemponess, saying, “IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE CHILL.” Well, my rebuttal to that is that there’s a difference between chill and coma and White Iverson is literal coma.

You wanna know how to make really good experimental music or good minimalist music? Well, for starters, don’t try to do what the artist behind the number 4 song on the list did.

4.

Gold (Official Single Cover) by Kiiara.png

Gold by Kiiara is basically music for hipster white girls who think they have a pulse on hip-hop culture. There’s only one question that comes to mind when hearing this song: WHY?! Fucking WHY?! This song just doesn’t work. At all. First off, what is this beat? It’s the same farting synth line, trap percussion, and some weird dripping noise like there was a leaking sink in the studio. It’s boring and lifeless. As for the hook? There is no hook; instead, it’s like they wrote the song, but they were like, “OH FUCK!! WE FORGOT THE HOOK!! I KNOW; HOW ABOUT WE SAMPLE DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE SONG, FLIP IT, REVERSE IT, AND PITCH-SHIFT IT INSTEAD?!” Thus, we got this incoherent substitution for the hook. It does sound unique, but just remember; different doesn’t automatically mean good. Kiiara is as dull as a rock, no matter how much reverb they put in her voice, as she throw shots at her ex while trying to look cool and sell that she doesn’t care. Yeah, I believe her as much as I believe that nothing will happen to me if I went to a white nationalist rally alone. Get this fake faux-rap bullshit out of here.

Now the number 3 spot is a tie between two songs from the same artist. Which one you ask? It’s none other than Daya.

3.

Hide Away (Official Single Cover) by Daya.pngSit Still, Look Pretty (Official Single Cover) by Daya.png

Daya is one of those teen singers whose head is so far up her own ass, that she can taste everything she ate yesterday. Want proof? Look at her hits Hide Away and Sit Still, Look Pretty. Hide Away is basically the reversed Nice Guy Syndrome (or Nice Girl Syndrome) in song form as Daya is complaining about guys who go for girls who laugh at their jokes and put out on the first date over someone like her who’s a nice girl that needs company or some bullshit. I don’t care. The beat is a mishmash of the worst aspects of modern pop with with glitchy synths and stiff percussion that you’d expect from first-time producers. This song has a childish demeanor and one might excuse that because this song was record when Daya was a teenager. Now she’s an adult, so what’s the excuse for Sit Still, Look Pretty? While that song had (barely) better production, it’s just as bad as Hide Away. Hell, the content of this song might be worse as it’s a botched attempt at female empowerment, stating that she doesn’t need to be pretty for anyone. The problem here is that the writing stinks of pretentiousness and arrogance where Daya sees herself as some goddess and she just comes off as a bitch.

That Snow White
She did right
In her life
Had 7 men to do the chores
‘Cause that’s not what a lady’s for

You mean the same Snow White who went into the dwarves’ home without their permission and forced them to tidy up the place while she sang to her animal friends and then she idiotically took a bite out of a poisoned apple and had to be saved from death by the kiss of a prince? You have no idea how that story goes, do you? It’s been too long since Lorde released music and I hope she gives us something because these copycats are too much.

Speaking of the Nice Guy Syndrome, how about we look at the number 2 song, which comes from an artist whose latest album has been heavily criticized by Spectrum Pulse himself, Mark Grondin, much to the dismay of angry teenage girls who disliked his video and left nasty comments? Shawn Mendes, ladies and gentlemen.

2.

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By this point, nearly everyone has torn this song a new asshole from the aforementioned Mark Grondin to Todd In The Shadows to The Double Agent to Buckley. This song just provides endless material for people to rip on, me included. Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes is the ultimate soundtrack for dickless men who latch onto women currently in relationships and act as their walking teddy bears. Make no mistake, Shawn Mendes perfectly encapsulate how these vultures act by telling this chick he’s after that the guy she’s currently with is not good for her and that she should leave that guy for him (Shawn) because he’s a gentleman who’ll treat her better.

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Get. The. Fuck. Out of here. The only reason you give this girl any attention is because you want to get into her pants. That’s how all so-called nice guys function. They don’t care about a woman’s feelings and emotions at all, they just want to have sex with her and have someone make them feel like the man. Being nice to a woman doesn’t mean you’re entitled to have sex with her. You’re no better than the so-called douchebags that you’ve constantly bitched were taking all the girls you liked. I know this because I used to be one of those nice guys in high school. I thought girls would line up in flocks just for me because I was so nice to them. You know what happened? I grew up. I realized that I’m not entitled to everything I want because of my kindness. You have to work for things you want and that includes relationships. If you’re trying to start a relationship with someone who’s single, but nothing happens, then let it go. It just wasn’t meant to be. And PLEASE stay away from other guy’s girlfriends. That’s the most douchebaggery thing you could ever do, something that Shawn Mendes doesn’t know about. Outside of that, the instrumentation is bland and Shawn’s vocals are ten levels of cringe. Ever time he’s singing, it’s like he’s in pain, like he’s so desperate for this girl to leave her boyfriend for him. And there’s no way we can’t talk about one of the most infamous parts of the song, where he screeches “BETTER THAN HE CAN” at the top of his lungs. What was what? Was he pissing out a kidney stone? Was he attempting a Jamaican accent? It sounds less like he said “BETTER THAN HE CAN” and more like “BED A DANNY CAN” or “FED A DADDY MAN” or “DEAD A MANY CON” or some other nonsense. What coked-out madman thought leaving this sound in was a good idea? You have no idea how much I wanted to put this song at number one, but one artist managed to beat out Shawn, Daya, Kiiara, Post Malone, Shit Harmony, LUKAS GRAHAAAAAAAAM!!, Selena, Charlie, and DNCE. God help me.

Well, this is it, folks. We’ve reached the bottom of the bottom. The worst of the worst. The landfill that outstunk the rest of the landfills. Time for me to reveal the number one worst hit song of 2016. And IT’S…………………

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1.

A portrait of a young woman with red hair looking straight at the camera, sporting a green top. To her right stands the title, "NØ."Meghan Trainor stands with her hands spread far apart while wearing a long, blue dress in front of a shiny blue background.

Who didn’t see THIS coming a mile away? Yeah, when I was working on this list, I knew that there was no other artists this year that was gonna top Meghan Trainor in terms of awfulness. The funny part is that I was originally gonna leave this spot for one song, but I had to put both NØ and Me Too at the top in order to highlight how insufferable Meghan Trainor truly is. We start things off with NØ, where Meghan Trainor takes a page out of late 90s-early 2000s pop music with some of the messiest production to date. In the song, Meghan is approached by a guy in a club whose friends pressured him to talk to her. Before he can even say anything, Meghan shuts him down with an onslaught of nos. I already explained in my Target Practice of this song why this attitude is very toxic, let me repeat those points: she’s rejecting any guy who approaches her before they could even get a word out all because she feels untouchable in her own words. Thus, she paints herself as a self-centered, arrogant bitch. Because we’re given no details about the guy who approached her, there’s no way we can fully sympathize with her plight or sympathize with her at all. I thought that NØ was the worst thing that Meghan Trainor has ever done and that she’ll never top that. THEN came Me Too. Dear sweet buttery Jesus, Me Too. I’m at a loss for words to describe how awful this song is. First off, the production. What the fuck is this alien noise used for the production? A limp bass and synth line that even will.i.am listened to and said, “Nope, fuck that noise.” It’s like the producer thought that The Time (Dirty Bit) was the best song ever and decided to copy the drop (which was the worst part of the song) for Meghan Trainor. But that’s not the only reason why Me Too is so goddamn atrocious. Oh, no. There’s also Meghan Trainor herself, participating in more ego masturbation as she sings about how awesome she is. The worst part is that she addresses YOU the listener when she says (in a fake British accent) “If I were you, I’d wanna be me, too.” It’s condescending as all hell and her bragging isn’t even that good. At least with rappers, they at least back up their bragging with wordplay, flow, punchlines, cadences, etc. Meghan displays none of that, especially with lines like these:

My life’s a movie. Tom Cruise
So bless me, baby, achoo

*groans* So much cringe. This song, plus NØ, are crimes against good music and Meghan Trainor should be given the harshest punishment you can give an artist: no attention. The music-buying public should ignore her, not buy, download, or stream her music, not watch her music videos, don’t do anything that generates revenue or attention for her. This way, she can fade into obscurity and irrelevance and we don’t have to suffer from any more awful music from her before she gets any worse. I know it’s not possible, but a guy can dream, right? Congratulations to Meghan Trainor for having the worst song(s) of 2016.

So that was the worst that 2016 had to offer. Hopefully we can leave these songs behind and start anew in 2017. There’s no where else to go but up from here on out, right? Oh, who am I kidding? There’s nowhere else to go but down. We’re FUCKED, for Odin’s sake. FUCKED!! Do you have any idea who our next president is going to be and his vice president choice?! Who he’s going to assign to his cabinet?! Lemme show you who they are!!

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Our country’s next administration is the real life Legion Of Doom!! Every villain against decent humanity will be in charge of running our country with an orange doofus at the top!! We’re near the end, I’ll tell you!! The end!! Global warming will be even more severe, all of the progress made in social justice will be undone, bigoted assholes will come out of the woodwork and be empowered by our next president, healthcare is at risk, we’re gonna face one of the biggest economic crisis since The Great Recession, other countries will hate us even more, World War III will occur because our next president’s Twitter fingers!! How can I be optimistic about our future when everything we hear about our upcoming administration suggest an authoritarian, fascist dystopian future where the inmates are gonna be the ones running the asylum and all forms of human decency will be thrown out the window?! Fuck this!! Where’s the alcohol?! I’m gonna fill a swimming pool full of liquor and dive in it!!

Image result for alcohol cabinet
Good ol’ alcohol. Make the pain go away.

TO BE CONTINUED IN TOP 10 LIST: BEST SONGS OF 2016

SONGS OF THE WEEK

When The Leeves Break-Led Zeppelin

What Goes Around-Justin Timberlake

Life On Mars-Dexter Wanzel

This Christmas-Donny Hathaway

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3 thoughts on “Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 2016

  1. 10. I only heard a bit of this song, and my opinion is meh. And as for the music video… *cringes*
    9. Charlie Puth: the 2010s equivalent of Michael Bolton. This song is too boring to take seriously.
    8. If Selena Gomez wasn’t famous, she’d be thrown in jail for sexual harassment if she didn’t keep her hands to herself.
    7. One of the dumbest songs I’ve ever heard. What kind of parent supports underaged marriage? And children smoking and drinking alcohol? Worst parents ever.
    6. Here’s a fun thing for you to do when this song is on: Take a shot every time “Work” is sung.
    5. Never heard it.
    4. Glad I never heard this song properly, but has an awful noise that passes for a beat.
    3. Daya and Meghan Trainor have one thing in common: They both think they’re God’s gift to the human race. The sooner Lorde returns the better.
    2. One of the worst “I can steal your girl” songs I have ever heard, and that’s saying a lot. Shawn Mendes, burn in hell.
    1. Meghan Trainor, you just shattered the guy’s confidence with No, and on Me Too, she’s insufferable. What is it with American female pop stars using fake British accents sometimes? First Madonna, then Britney, and now Meghan Trainor.

    *sigh* B-HOP, I truly feel sorry for you. In spite of everything bad that happened this year, I truly hope we and all the world can get through this (but that’s just wishful thinking). As 2Pac would say, “keep ya head up, things’ll get brighter”.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh no, not you too!! It seems like I’m the only reviewer that likes “7 Years”. I just don’t think it’s as bad as anyone is making it out to be. Some of the lyrics are admittably dumb, but not all of them were bad. I don’t mind Lukas’ voice, either. On “Mama Said”, yeah it was bad. Also, even if I didn’t like it, I still wouldn’t consider that song “worst of the year” material. Disagree with “One Dance”, “Antidote” (though I can see where you’re coming from, but Travis Scott to me is pretty interesting for a luxury rap artist, I think he uses auto-tune in a very unique way, and I like how he hypes himself up), “Closer” (sure, it’s not good, but it ain’t that bad, either), “Cake By The Ocean” (its saving grace to me is that it’s catchy), “Panda”, “Gold” (both of these songs are admittably guilty pleasures of mine), “Pillowtalk” and “White Iverson” (I just don’t think they’re songs worth getting upset over to me). Agreed with everything else, including your #1. Meghan just needs to go away, already. As far as 2016 goes, I don’t really think the year was as bad as people are making it out to be when it comes to the mainstream. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t good, either, but if I had to rank it, I’d probably put it in the mediocre range. Other than Trump, many celebrities dying, and a couple other things, can’t really say it was THAT bad of a year. Personally, it was a good year for animated films and sports. Then again, this was the year the Cubs won the World Series and a team from Cleveland finally won a championship. Seems weird, but anyways, this was still a very good list, despite the disagreements. Looking forward to your best list.

    Liked by 1 person

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