Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where we look at the 40 most popular songs in the U.S. It’s February. It’s the month of love and Black History Month (even though I celebrate black history EVERY month). The Super Bowl happened two days ago where the Atlanta Falcons took the biggest L of 2017 when they fumbled a 21-point lead against the New England Patriots. In just two weeks, the orange goblin known as our President has shown how inept he is at running a country. This is going to be an interesting year. Enough delay. Let’s get started.
#40. The Greatest-Sia ft Kendrick Lamar: D
#39. Congratulations-Post Malone ft Amigos 1: No. No. NO!! We are not doing this, America. We are not giving the guy behind one of the worst hits of last year another hit. Congratulations is one of the most pointless rap songs out now with its bargain-bin trap beat, snooze-inducing bars from Post Malone, and a worthless feature from one of Amigos. There’s nothing special about the song and there’s nothing that makes it stand out besides the awfulness of Post Malone. I’m still trying to wipe out the memory of White Iverson from my mind, I don’t need this to take its place. I give it an F.
#38. Body Like A Back Road-Sam Hunt: When i saw the title and saw that Sam Hunt was attached to it, I knew what to expect and boy, did this song not disappoint. This song is like a fusion of Sam Hunt and The Chainsmokers and nowhere is that more evident than in the production. A stale guitar riff, not-so subtle bass, fake snaps, and gang vocals. For Odin’s sake, you’re not even trying anymore. The lyrics are ten levels of icky with Sam Hunt comparing a woman’s body to a back road because he’s gonna drive it with his eyes closed. I don’t know. And then there’s lines like this.
Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks
Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats
It’s like he’s begging to be punched in the face. I hope this song sinks because we have enough crap in the Top 40 for this to stink it up. This shit gets an F.
#37. Down-Marian Hill: If you’ve ever watched one of Apple’s more recent commercials, you might’ve heard this song., Marian Hill’s Down. I’m conflicted about this. On one hand, I do like the piano composition of the song and the singer does have a nice voice. On the other hand, the drop with those drum machines and the pitch-shifting kills the song for me and it doesn’t fit in with the rest. It’s like the music version of trying to fit a triangle into a square peg, it’s not gonna go that well no matter how much you force it. I don’t hate the song, but I don’t see why I should listen to it again. I give it a C.
#36. Don’t Let Me Down-The Chainsmokers ft Daya: D
#35. Love Me Now-John Legend: D
#34. Better Man-Little Big Town: Man, Little Big Town has been disappointing. I did not like the last album that they released and now they’re doing another one with this as the lead single, Better Man. I don’t like this song. The production saves it from being bad, but man, the writing is a huge turn-off. It’s a bitter break-up song that throws so much shade at the ex with no reason to sympathize with the female at question. Did I forget to mention that this song was written by Taylor Swift? It all makes sense now. I give it a D.
#33. Juju On That Beat-two bum rappers: F
#32. Treat You Better-Shawn Mendes: F
#31. Broccoli-D.R.A.M. ft Lil Yachty: C
#30. Cheap Thrills-Sia ft Sean Paul: B
#29. Say You Won’t Let Go-James Arthur: D
#28. Water Under The Bridge-Adele: A
#27. iSpy-KYLE ft Lil Yachty: Seeing KYLE on the charts should make me happy. Why? Because I am a fan of his. Not to be hipster-like, but it’s true. His brand of upbeat, positive music with references to geek culture and video games is something that I gravitated to (seriously, check out Smyle and Beautiful Loser). Not only that, but he’s got skills as a rapper and he has the potential for a pop crossover. Now that he’s here, I should be happy, right? …….. Well, unfortunately. No. I’m not feeling iSpy. The beat’s okay, but nothing special. While KYLE does save this song from being shit, his bars aren’t his best. The hook is too cringey and a bit repetitive. And then there’s Lil Yachty, who pretty much established himself as the new Soulja Boy, dropping straight doo-doo on this track, thus preventing me from enjoying this more. I honestly hope KYLE gets more hits that are better than this because I don’t want him to be known as the iSpy guy. This gets a rating of D.
#26. Starving-Haliee Steinfeld & Grey ft Zedd: F
#25. This Town-Niall Horan: F
#24. Rockabye-Clean Bandit ft Sean Paul & Anne-Marie: Here’s a name we haven’t heard from in a while: Clean Bandit. They had that big international hit, Rather Be, in 2014, which was one of the best songs of that year. In 2017, their newest big hit is Rockabye with Sean Paul and Anne-Marie. Honestly, I actually like this more than I should. It’s clearly coasting off of the tropical sound that was popular from the last two years, but the strings and piano adds a new flavor to the trend and it still feels like Clean Bandit. The hook is my least favorite part of the song, a bit too repetitive for my taste, especially with that drop. But the big stars of the song is both Anne-Marie and Sean Paul. I don’t know what it is about Sean Paul now that gravitates me towards liking songs with him on it. Maybe it’s nostalgia or maybe it’s just me wanting more upbeat songs on the charts. Who knows? This is no Rather Be, but I dig this. I give it a B.
#23. Heathens-Twenty One Pilots: C
#22. Can’t Stop The Feeling-Justin Timberlake: C
#21. Mercy-Shawn Mendes: D
#20. All Time Low-Jon Bellion: B
#19. T-Shirt-Migos: People REALLY love Migos and just like with Gucci Mane, I don’t get it. Their music just isn’t good at all. The triplet flow that they’ve beaten to the ground and has been rehashed by nearly everyone has been around since the days of Bone Thugs and Three 6 Mafia and the content and beats of their music is the same “I sell drugs and got lots of money” shit we’ve seen a lot on trap. They’ve made the same goddamn song over and over and it looks like T-Shirt isn’t gonna change a damn thing. All of the Migos cliches are present in this song: desaturated beat, cocaine raps, stilted flow, Auto-Tune, etc. There’s nothing to this song, what they’re doing has been done before by better rappers. The reason this song is as high as it is comes from them recently releasing their latest collection of recycle-bin tracks that they call an album. I don’t understand the public sometimes. This shit gets an F. Go listen to Run The Jewels instead.
#18. Let Me Love You-DJ Snake ft Justin Bieber: F
#17. Caroline-Amine: F
#16. I Feel It Coming-The Weeknd ft Daft Punk: A
#15. Bounce Back-Big Sean: F
#14. Love On The Brain-Rihanna: A
#13. Side To Side-Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj: C
#12. 24K Magic-Bruno Mars: A
#11. Paris-The Chainsmokers: And now for the newest song from The Chainsmokers, or as I would like to call them now, The Cocksmokers. Since All We Know and Setting Fires had no traction to them whatsoever (maybe because they suck), Paris looks to be their next big hit and while I can safely say it’s better than all of the post-Roses singles, it’s still not good, either. First off, the production is such a blatant rip-off of one of the best songs of the entire decade, M83’s Midnight City. Listen to that bass; it’s clearly Midnight City. The content is Andrew Taggart, who’s still a shitty singer, trying to hang on to a relationship that’s clearly coming to an end. All and all, this is radio filler at best and I won’t be listening to this again. Back to Midnight City. I give this a D.
#10. Scars To Your Beautiful-Alessia Cara: C
#9. Black Beatles-Rae Sremmurd ft Gucci Mane: F
#8. Fake Love-Drake: F
#7. Starboy-The Weeknd ft Daft Punk: A
#6. Don’t Wanna Know-The Adam Levine Show ft Kendrick Lamar: F
#5. Closer-The Chainsmokers ft Halsey (for God’s sake, can this song just die already?): F
#4. Bad Things-Machine Gun Kelly ft Camilla Cabello: F
#3. I Don’t Wanna Live Forever-Zayn & Taylor Swift: F
#2. Bad And Boujee-Migos ft Lil Uzi Vert: F
#1. Shape Of You-Ed Sheeran: C
Body Like A Back Road
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of February 7, 2017. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, a Target Practice on Milli Vanilli.