Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where we look at the 40 most popular songs in the US. It’s September. Summer’s almost over, some people are back in school, everyone’s preparing for the annual triple dose of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Despacito has officially tied One Sweet Day’s record of most consecutive weeks at number one. What stopped it from breaking that record? Well, you’ll see. Let’s get started.
#40. What Ifs-Kane Brown ft Lauren Alaina: It feels like I have to go outside the mainstream in order to find some good country songs because most of the country songs that chart and/or make the Top 40 are range from okay to terrible. What Ifs falls in the middle of meh. The production sounds like most modern country with its fake hand claps and backbeat. Lauren Alaina has been reduced to backing vocals on the chorus, which is a shame because Kane’s flat delivery does not help. Writing-wise, it poses a bunch of “what-if” questions that never get properly answered. Yeah, I have no love for this song and wouldn’t care to listen to it again. It gets a D.
#39. Say You Won’t Let Go-James Arthur: D
#38. Jocelyn Flores-XXXTENTACION: XXX is basically music for teen edgelords and emos. In other words, I’m not a fan. A song like Jocelyn Flores perfectly explains my issue with this dude (aside from him being a woman-beating piece of shit). There is an interesting concept here: it’s about a girl that XXX knew who committed suicide. This can work if given to the right people. Unfortunately, like most of XXX’s songs, it feels unfinished and is too short. Even if that was intentional, it doesn’t give me the time to be invested nor does to punch you with any raw feelings, especially with how clumsy the production is. It’s just XXX wallowing in his own self-pity. If he really was depressed, he should get some help. But that alone doesn’t make for compelling music and I’m glad I decided to skip on 17. I give this an F.
#37. Love Galore-SZA ft Travis Scott: B
#36. LOYALTY-Kendrick Lamar ft Rihanna: A
#35. Friends-Justin Bieber & Bloodpop: Hey, look. The Biebs is on another mediocre EDM track that wouldn’t sound out of place on Purpose. To be fair, Friends does have better production thanks to Bloodpop, but then we have to deal with Bieber uninteresting drone and him latching on to this chick who’s moved on from him, but he wants them to be friends. Yeah, when you’re asking about her mom and her body (even when he goes back on the latter by saying “don’t answer that”), you need to back the fuck up. Like I said, decent production, but Bieber’s still attached like a baby to a mom’s nipple. I give it a D.
#34. Stay-Zedd & Alessia Cara: C
#33. Young Dumb And Broke-Khalid: I wish I could get into Khalid, but he’s never made anything that wasn’t just okay. He’s just an okay artist to me. Young Dumb And Broke is another okay song, but I like it more than Location. I kinda dig the beat: the organ paired with trap drums work pretty well. And there’s some self-awareness of the things high school kids do. But I can’t entirely get into Khalid as a singer. I don’t know. I feel like his range is limited. I do see why people like this guy and I wish him the best in this music shit. I give this song a C.
#32. What About Us-Pink: As a Pink fan, I have been hugely disappointed in her lately. The last thing she put out was Just Like Fire and it was just like garbage. Her newest song doesn’t help much. What About Us is every boring empowerment song that we thought we left behind 3 years ago. Even the production is really dated and dull. And it’s aiming for uplifting the human race and make the world a better place, but the writing falls right into a pool of cliches we’ve heard in other songs. I’m not looking forward to any new Pink music if it sounds like this. It gets a D.
#31. I Get The Bag-Gucci Mane ft Migos: I Get The Bag is one of those “you get what you expect” songs. You got Gucci Mane and Migos… well, being Gucci Mane and Migos, rapping about exactly what you’d expect them to rap about over a trap beat. If you like what they do, you’ll love this song. If not, you’ll be bored at best. And that perfectly describes how I feel about this song: bored. I’ve heard this before in a bunch of other songs and nothing in this particular song makes me want to revisit it. I give it an F.
#30. Location-Khalid: C
#29. I’m The One-DJ Khaled & company: F
#28. Redbone-Childish Gambino: A
#27. What Lovers Do-The Adam Levine Show ft SZA: The Adam Levine Show is back with a new charting single, this time, with SZA. At first, I thought it sucked, but after listening to it a bunch more, compared to Don’t Wanna Know and Cold, it’s not that bad. It has a decent bouncy groove and SZA sounds really good. Of course, the big problem is Adam himself, who doesn’t bring the passion needed for a song like this. There’s half of a good song here, but it all amounts to something that’s just okay. I give it a C.
#26. Praying-Kesha: B
#25. Something Just Like This-The Chainsmokers & Coldplay: B
#24. Congratulations-Post Malone ft Quavo of Migos: F
#23. Feels-Calvin Harris ft Pharrell, Katy Perry, & Big Sean: D
#22. Mi Gente-J Balvin & Willy William: F
#21. HUMBLE-Kendrick Lamar: A
#20. Body Like A Back Road-Sam Hunt: F
#19. XO Tour Life-Lil Uzi Vert: F
#18. Feel It Still-Portugal. The Man: B
#17. That’s What I Like-Bruno Mars: A
#16. Shape Of You-Ed Sheeran: C
#15. Slow Hands-Niall Horan: D
#14. Strip That Down-Liam Payne ft Quavo of Migos: F
#13. Sorry Not Sorry-Demi Lovato: F
#12. Bank Account-21 Savage: D
#11. Rake It Up-Yo Gotti ft Nicki Minaj: F
#10. There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back-Shawn Mendes: D
#9. Unforgettable-French Montana: D
#8. Believer-Imagine Dragons: F
#7. Attention-Charlie Puth: F
#6. Wild Thoughts-DJ Khaled ft Rihanna & Bryson Tiller: C
#5. 1-800-273-8255-Logic ft Alessia Cara & Khalid: Hating on Logic seems to be the new thing now and I sorta get it. His latest album wasn’t that good, but he’s not as bad as people make him out to be. He has good intentions, but whatever ideas and concepts he presents are brought down by sloppy execution. This brings us to 1-800-273-8255, which is the phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and it happens to be the subject. A subject matter like suicide shouldn’t be handled lightly and (controversial opinion) I don’t think Logic did a bad job at it. Yeah, that “who can relate” line is cringy, but the rest of the song got the basics down, even if it’s really basic and vague. Alessia Cara and Khalid do a much better job at capturing the feeling of emotional helplessness much more effectively. So overall, I don’t hate the song. It has a good sentiment even when the execution doesn’t deliver the song to its full potential. I give it a C.
#4. Ready For It-Taylor Swift: Taylor Swift season has unfortunately returned once again with two new songs. One of those songs is Ready For It and… wow, this is garbage. First off, the production. The distorted bass, the trap percussion, the complete lack of melody. This sounds like something rejected from Yeezus because it wasn’t edgy enough. If this is Taylor’s attempt at being darker, then she has failed. She must think dark equals ugly sounds. And I do not buy this frail, thin-skinned pop star as tough or intimidating, especially when she’s talking about a guy… again. This entire song is a giant plethora of “NO” and people still eat this shit up, It’s getting an F.
#3. Despacito-Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee: D
#2. Bodak Yellow-Cardi B: F
#1. Look What You Made Me Do-Taylor Swift:
Yep. I’m gonna talk about this song in an upcoming Target Practice, so if you want to see my full thoughts on this song, look forward to this post. Spoilers: I hate it and it’s getting an F.
What Lovers Do
Ready For It
Look What You Made Me Do
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of September 12, 2017. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, it’s the Worst Songs of 1988.