Worst Songs List

Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 2017

“Disclaimer: What you’re about to read are the opinions of one man. If you disagree, please do so in a respectful manner. Motherfucker.”

If I had to sum up 2017 in general, it would be this: a roller coaster set to maximum speed with a broken “off” switch while everything is on fire and the roller coaster itself is coming apart, flinging people off the ride, and the first entrance the coaster goes through is in the shape of Donald Trump’s puckered-lipped face along with a sign that says “Welcome To America.” After the soul-sucking dumpster fire that was 2016, the optimistic in me thought things would get better and that maybe things won’t be that bad. And to 2017’s credit, it didn’t make me want to give up on humanity, no matter how many times I came close. I’ll talk about the positives in the next list, so let’s rip the bandage off and get the negatives over with. The world of politics, especially here in the US, has become more and more of a self-parody ever since the election of the Orange Clown who makes Pennywise look G-rated, plus, a low-IQ White House administration who have yet to evolve past the 1950s. It’s like a sorta-funny SNL skit that’s dragged on for too long and whatever humor was there is long gone. There’s been a well-deserved purging of men in power who have either committed sexual assault or have been accused of it. The FCC is moving on trying to kill net neutrality because we can’t have nice things in the world. And what about the world of music? Well, this might be one of the most insane times for popular music. Streaming has officially taken over the industry and is breaking new hits and artists daily. This benefitted rap the most, even if a lot of it wasn’t good. It feels like anything could be a hit by this point. Hell, one of the year’s biggest songs is in another language. The way I see 2017, it’s not awful. There’s more songs this year that I either like or tolerate than last year. But when you put them next to the other songs that I either hated or didn’t care for, it adds up to a year that’s pretty middle-of-the-road. This makes doing these lists a lot easier. So let’s pop the swelling, pus-filled boils that are the worst hit songs of 2017.

Before we begin, here are the first 5 dishonorable mentions.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS I

My God, was Migos inescapable this year. They appear 5 times in the 2017 Year End charts (plus, Quavious made an extra 3 appearances on featured songs). I never liked this group and by this time, I’m sick of them. I could mention any of their songs because they all sucked, but I went with Bad And Boujee because it has all the things that I dislike not just about this group, but with most modern rap in general. Metro Boomin provides the production, which is boring and sludgy. Listening to it is like leaving the dentist’s office after getting your teeth pulled and the gas hasn’t worn off yet. And it is LONG. There is no reason for this to be 5 and a half minutes long, especially since the content isn’t anything you haven’t heard before: flashing money, dealing cocaine, I can steal your girlfriend, yadda yadda. The only lines that stand out in this song is Quavious referencing Ratatouille and the “rain drop, drop top” line that’s been used as a meme for some reason. I’ll never fully understand meme culture. And then there’s Lil Uzi Vert, wasting everyone’s time with his “yeahs” and “ays.” Because we needed to add more filler to make this abomination longer. Sorry, Donald Glover. This is FAR from the best song ever.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…………….

Huh? What? Wha-? Oh. This song. This is one of those songs that you almost forget exists and for good reason. This is James Arthur, a British singer-songwriter who won the ninth season of The X Factor and has been successful in his home country. He also generated a lot of controversy over some homophobic and racist lyrics. And now, he has a hit in the States in Say You Won’t Let Go, an acoustic guitar ballad about that special someone you met who you want to spend the rest of your life with. This sounds sweet on-paper, but really dull and uninteresting when executed, especially when James Arthur sounds tired. It’s only a dishonorable mention because this song’s biggest crime is being boring. I don’t have much to say about it.

The dull and uninteresting Fifty Shades Of Shit strikes again with even more dull and uninteresting music. And thus, we have a collaboration between Zayn and Taylor Swift called I Don’t Wanna Live Forever, which is the exact sentiment I get when forced to listen to this crap. The production is limp ambient music with a weak chorus. The vocals are grating, especially from Zayn. Every time the dude sings in a falsetto, he sounds like he fell onto a spiked gate testicles-first. Taylor Swift doesn’t fare any better as she’s phoning it in all the way. No chemistry, no sex appeal, no genitals, it’s perfect for Fifty Shades Of Grey. All shade intended.

I have issues with Issues.

Oh, hush and let me talk. Julia Michaels is a songwriter who has written for many big names in the industry and she decided to try her hand at being a singer. And thus, we have Issues, which is all about her own insecurities to a guy over plucking strings and bass-heavy percussion. That’s a peanut butter and mustard sandwich with black licorice, a taste so nauseating that you question what drugs you were intaking that caused you to make such a decision. I’m not a fan of Julia Michaels vocally. She sounds less like a professional singer and more like a pitchy American Idol contestant. Every note she hits sounds more painful than the last. And this is nominated for a Grammy for Song Of The Year. And she’s nominated for Best New Artist. You see why I don’t take award shows seriously?

Every member of One Direction seems to have found their niche for their solo careers: Harry emulates classic rock, Niall is leaning more towards folk, Louis is doing EDM, and Zayn wants to be the next Weeknd. This leaves us to Liam Payne, who’s aiming for Justin Timberlake with Strip That Down. And it’s easily the worst out of all five. The beat sounds like it was made in 2014 thanks to those weak ass DJ Mustard bass, snaps and gang vocals. It ages the song like year-old milk. Liam can’t pull this style off; he’s vocally too weak and is just trying too hard, mentioning that he used to be in One Direction, but now, he’s cool and can sit in the adults’ table. Imagine if in Like I Love You, JT said, “you know, I used to be in NSYNC, but I decided to leave before the ship sink.” It would be equally as lame. And then we have Quavious, competing with Gucci Mane to be 2017’s version of 2010 Ludacris, giving subpar verses to subpar pop songs. Strip That Down? I got a better idea: strip this song away from existence.

Now on to the main list.

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We start off with the number 10 song, which is what I believe to be the last rap dance since the death of Vine. By now, most people have forgotten it even existed and for good reason.

10.

The best word one can use to describe Juju On That Beat is lazy. This shit is incredibly lazy. The beat is basically a sample of the mid-2000s Crime Mob hit Knuck If You Buck and it’s a lazy sample, too. They don’t do enough to the song to make it stand out, it’s just Knuck If You Buck. The first 25 seconds of the song are complete filler with annoying chipmunk voices before we hear these two start rapping. Most of the rapping is filled with either dance instructions or lines like “if you compare me and you, there wouldn’t be no comparings” and “you ugly, you your daddy’s son.” Hell, they barely rhyme anything. I heard that this song is a freestyle. If that’s true and this is the best they got,

you ugly, you your daddy’s son

… I highly doubt they’ll last that long in any cyphers. I understand that this was made for easily-impressed middle schoolers, but this is some lazy shit. Before anyone brings up their age, OutKast were in high school when they recorded their debut album and Nas wasn’t even 20 when he put out Illmatic. I’m not asking for Black Thought/GZA-level lyrical miracles, just competence and these two dudes just didn’t bring it.

Like I said in the preamble, one of the biggest songs of the year is in another language. That was Despacito. Latin pop songs on the charts aren’t a new thing, but ever since this particular song blew up, much more of them came along and quality-wise, they were all okay at best. My main issue is that these songs are pretty derivative of each other. So what does it take for one of these songs to stand out and make a list like this? Well, annoying the living dog piss out of me is a good way to be number 9 on this list.

9.

This song is like a fly that won’t leave your house and every attempt to kill it has failed. That’s what Mi Gente is, a fly. Most of my issues in this song comes in the production. Who in the Nine Realms thought that it was a good idea to use the sound of goats mating in an echo chamber as the melody? And it never changes, it’s that same loop played over and over for three minutes along with some really thin and clattering reggaeton production. This is Hell in music form. Fun fact: this song is a remix of Willy William’s Voodoo Song, which sampled Heila Duila Nachi, a song from Indian Banghali artist Akassh. And there’s not much different about Mi Gente, it’s just Voodoo Song copy and pasted. The only difference is an Auto-Tuned J Balvin. There’s no point in talking about the lyrics not because they’re in Spanish, but because it’s just talking about partying. That’s the reason why Mi Gente is this low on the list, because it’s just an annoyance to me. A remix with Beyonce exists and her contributions to the song doesn’t make it any better. That’s how broken this shit is.

Imagine Dragons, you broke my heart. And that’s why you’re number 8 on this list.

8.

There was a time where I used to like Imagine Dragons or what they used to be. Night Visions was a really good album and I consider It’s Time to be the best hit of 2012. Now, they’re close to becoming the modern-day Nickelback with the help of two songs, Believer and Thunder. If I come across another goddamn commercial or trailer that has Believer playing in the background, I will toss my television out the window. Dan Reynolds spends the majority of the song either fast talking or screeching like an injured hawk, especially on the chorus which is easily the worst part of the song.

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PAIN!!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
PAIN!!
You break me down and build me up, believer, believer
PAIN!!
Oh let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from…
PAIN!!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

The instrumentation doesn’t help; the percussion is overpowering the guitar melody, which has been put in the back of the mix. It exposes the song’s flaws even more, making the listening experience painful, which is funny considering the song is centered on pain and growing from it. That’s fine, but it doesn’t make the song any better to listen to. Thunder got worse with each listen. While it doesn’t have the screeching belches of Believer, its substitute is even worse: a chipmunk voice repeating the word “thunder” repeatedly. It gets to a point where you’re just wishing for Thor to send a bolt of lightning towards the person who came up with this idea. Add in trap percussion, a lack of melody, and one of the worst guitar solos ever heard and you have a song that sounds nothing like what a band would make. This song is supposed to be the underdog anthem, yet it’s so underwritten and vague that one can’t attach themselves to it or sympathize with the narrator’s plight. It’s an empty song from a band who’s slowly turning into the Dan Reynolds Show, whose music only serves as background noise for commercials. Sad.

Number 7 is example #946 of how NOT to write a love song. Or any song for that matter. It’s also the first Target Practice victim of 2017.

7.

Bad Things sounds like a rejected Suicide Squad song. Listening to it, it kinda fits the movie. How come no one has made a parody of this song with Joker and Harley Quinn? It would be a smash. Anyways, back to the song. People now give Camila Cabello a soft pass because of Havana, which is a passable song, but never forget how bad she can get and dear Odin, is her high-pitched voice unlistenable here. While she’s ripping off Fastball’s Out Of My Head on the chorus, Machine Gun Kelly shows up to be another BWG or Boring White Guy. Yeah, he raps fast, but fast rapping isn’t that impressive if you’re not saying anything and what MGK gives us is another toxic relationship song that’s borderline obsessive. It’s almost like Mr. & Mrs. Smith where they’re gonna try killing each other and then bang afterwards. Add in some dreary trap production and you got one of the most nauseating hits of the year. Only bad things are associated with a song like this.

Number 6 goes to a “band” who’s sounding less and less like a band every year they release a new song to the point where I can’t call them by their name anymore. It makes me question why the frontman doesn’t just go solo. No one would tell the difference anyways. Anywho, one of their big hits this year was a leftover from 2016 that shows how derivative they are. Even worse is that they dragged one of the best rappers of this generation down to their level.

6.

The Double Agent had a great point about The Adam Levine Show being good at following trends. You can tell what some of the trends were at a certain year by looking at one of TALS’ hit singles. When tropical house was big, TALS said, “Let’s do that” and released Don’t Wanna Know. This has to be some of the most plastic, soulless production I have ever heard in a pop song. This feels like something a marketing team came up with along with a hack producer to keep up with the times. Hell, even the music video feels desperate, trying to cash in on the Pokemon GO! craze (does anyone even play that game anymore?). In the vein of all TLAS songs, Adam Levine is complaining about an ex, not wanting to know about who she’s hanging out with and what she’s doing. Of course, this sentiment is contradictory because Adam’s tone shows he does care in spite of what he thinks. Kendrick Lamar makes an appearance and it’s one of his worst verses to date, sounding just as desperate as Adam. Kendrick, you’re better than this. Learn how to say “no.” I’m surprised at myself for not putting this song up higher, but the Top 5 songs are worse for reasons that we’ll get to.

Before we continue, here are the final 5 dishonorable mentions.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS II

Because Hotline Bling was a phenomenon for a whole year, Aubrey Graham thought, “Why don’t I try this again?” and made Fake Love. And my God, it’s even worse. Imagine every element of Hotline Bling blown up to worse proportions. The plastic island production sounds like someone banging pots and skillets over a trap beat. This has some of Drake’s worst singing to date. He’s not even trying to hit any notes, just howling like a horny wolf. Hotline Bling was him concern-trolling an ex, here, he’s complaining about people who are two-faced. This wouldn’t be an issue if he hadn’t already talked about this so many times in his songs. In another song he did, Drake said he’ll never run out of material, which is funny because he’s been rehashing the same subject matters, which centers on himself and the people around him. We had already reach peak-Drake over-saturation last year and this year isn’t doing him any favors.

You know? I was rooting for Demi Lovato. Aside from one line, I thought Cool For The Summer wasn’t that bad and Confident is one of the best pop songs in recent years. Then came Sorry Not Sorry, which made me lose faith in Demi. She opted for production that mixes gospel pianos and vocals with trap drums and it doesn’t sound good for her. Vocally, Demi Lovato is emulating Christina Aguilera, in that she overdoes it vocally. It’s one if you can belt it out, but when there’s no control, I might as well be hearing someone screaming. For every time Demi reminds me that she’s a bad bitch, I believe it less and less. She’s already done this kind of song in Confident, which has more bombast and intensity. This, on the other hand, is just pathetic. Sorry. Not sorry.

For the second time in a year, Yo Gotti has another hit, Rake It Up. According to Yo Gotti, this is supposed to be “the strip club anthem” and if that’s true, any strip club playing this song has to be the lamest strip club ever because this has no bounce or energy to it. Mike Will Made-It provides the beat and it feels like he’s trying to throw away any good will he had this year because this is some lazy shit right here. All the sounds feel limp, from the synth to the bass to the percussion. It feels like Mike Will Made-It wasn’t even done crafting the beat, but he had a deadline to follow, so he turned in what he had. All of the performances and lyrics in this song are really bad.

I made love to a stripper (stripper), first I had to tip her (phrrr)
20 thousand ones, (woo) she said I’m that nigga (I am)
I said I’m that nigga, bitch, I already know it (I know it)
I come with bad weather, (ksh) they say I’m a storm (aye)

She said pay for the pussy, pay for the pussy (pay), wait for the pussy, wait for the pussy (wait)
Ask God to forgive me (why) ’cause I pray for the pussy, pray for the pussy

They should bleed once a month ’cause that’s what these bitches do

We won’t never write no statement, we ain’t showing up in court

You a little bitty bitch, you should work at Hooters (yo)
You a old hater, you a fucking cougar

Strangely enough, the first verse is stripper centered while the second one is him dissing someone (allegedly, Young Dolph). Oh, and Nicki Minaj makes an appearance because she’s the only reason Yo Gotti is getting hits.

Brought out the pink Lamborghini just to race with Chyna
Brought the Wraith to China just to race in China
Lil’ bad trini bitch but she mixed with China
Real thick vagina, smuggle bricks to China (woo)

Rhyming Chyna with China with China with China with vagina with China. GENIUS!! Maybe I should’ve done a Target Practice on this song because it’s a doozy. Oh, well. I said everything that needed to be said about it. Next.

I decided to leave Black Beatles off this list because it’s pretty much the best thing Rae Sremmurd have ever done. Swang, on the other hand, is fair game. Why does this exist? It’s the worst kind of bad that I expected from these two. A drowsy trap beat with a flat synth imitating a horn, generic luxury porn lyrics, and an awful AWFUL falsetto from Swae Lee on the hook. Dear Christ, this song is unlistenable. You wanna know what’s worse than Rae Sremmurd? How about a Rae Sremmurd knockoff? Well, that’s what we got in Ayo & Teo, another brother rap duo. Their big hit is Rolex and it’s just as bad as any Rae Sremmurd song, maybe worse. The ear-piercing flute of the instrumentation drowns out the piano and percussion. Ayo & Teo sound like Auto-Tuned squirrels as they engage in more luxury fantasies. Oh, and these two are dancers. Maybe they should’ve stuck to that because I don’t think the world needs another Rae Sremmurd stinking up the airwaves.

How the mighty have fallen. This song is making me nostalgic for Teenage Dream Katy Perry. I was never a fan of hers, but at least the songs she released during that time were catchy. After that, it’s just an avalanche of mediocrity. This year, Katy Perry decided to hop on the “stay woke” bandwagon and ended up making a fool out of herself. Because neither Bon Appetit or Swish Swish made the Year End list (or even Top 40), I went with Chained To The Rhythm instead. The production is easily the best part of the song, but it can’t save it from its biggest problem, the writing. See, it might seem like a shallow pop song, but in actuality, it’s about how people become mindless drones listening to shallow pop songs. Ironic this is coming from people who have made a career out of these shallow pop songs like Katy Perry and Max Martin. Seriously, these are the last people to write a song like this. Because it feels manipulative and calculated, like they’re just following a trend. Katy Perry tried her damnest at woke-ness and ended up shooting herself in the foot.

Ugh.

Number 5 goes to an artist who’s clearly stuck in her own bubble, who held control of a narrative that has won her over to most of America. Last year, she lost control of that narrative and was viewed unfavorably. Desperate to recapture that narrative, she attempted to reinvent her style and respond to the critics AGAIN. While it was successful because she’s less of a creative artist and more of a brand by this point, it was a disaster.

5.

I often question to myself why Taylor Swift bothers me so much. It’s not like she’s a talentless hack: songs like Back To December, Blank Space, and Style say otherwise. But none of her songs make me want to go back to them. Outside of not being my cup of tea, most of them feel too calculated. Speaking of, Look What You Made Me Do. I tore this POS apart in a Target Practice and my opinion on it has not changed at all. This is one of the most desperate hits of the year that reflects poorly on Taylor herself, who’s trying to garner sympathy after the whole Famous debacle made her look like a fool, taking shots at unspecific people because Taylor Swift doesn’t have the ovaries to name names. She’s trying way too hard to look like a badass, she looks more like someone wanting approval from others. No one outside of hardcore Swiftes believes that “the old Taylor is dead.” The only thing new here is the production and it’s so cheap and stiff. It has momentum in the pre-chorus, but it builds up to an interpolation of a shitty one-hit wonder from the 90s delivered in the most robotic tone ever. This is the same product with different packaging. Taylor Swift is a woman-child who refuses to let go of grudges and she only gets worse with each new album.

Never would I thought I would see the artist behind the number 4 song not only stick around after a year, but score a number one hit. Time for another round of “Fucking White People.” Today’s subject, Post Malone.

4.

I think I finally figured it out: comparing Post Malone to Vanilla Ice isn’t accurate enough. I found a better artist to compare him to: Christopher Cross. Nonthreatening white guy with a wimpy voice making some of the weakest coma-inducing music out there. “But he’s such a nice guy. He’s a chill dude.” I’ll get to that in a bit, but first, time to eviscerate rockstar. When you think of a song called rockstar, you’d expect something with some bombast or flair, not a limp-dick desaturated trap beat with the force of a feather and Post Malone mumbling through the whole song and NOT being convincing at all. I get that rappers these days are the new rock stars, but this song doesn’t deliver anything close to anything rock star-like. The only rock references in the song are throwaway references to Bon Scott and Jim Morrison. I’m not asking for a full-on rock song, just something that fits what you’re talking about. 21 Savage does a much better job with his verse, but he can’t save this dreck, which talks about the same shit that nearly every rapper has talked about with no new variation: getting high, counting money, fucking chicks, and doing drive-BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Motherfucker, please. Do you really believe that this gingerbread-looking dude is gonna do drive-bys? The guy grew up in Grapevine, Texas, which is far from the hood. This song shows the issue I have with Post Malone in general: it feels fake. This is taking the style and content of modern hip-hop (specifically, trap) and making it palpable to a wider (whiter) audience by having it performed by an outsider who looks like them, even though this dude would rather do anything else besides hip-hop and is only doing it because hip-hop is the most popular genre of music right now. And as for “he’s a nice guy?” Well, he’s a clueless douchebag, acting offended when Charlamagne Tha God asked him what he was doing to support Black Lives Matter and then there’s THIS.

“If you’re looking for lyrics, if you’re looking to cry, if you’re looking to think about life, don’t listen to hip-hop. There’s great hip-hop songs where they talk about life and they spit that real shit, but right now, there’s not a lot of people talking about real shit. Whenever I want to cry, whenever I want to sit down and have a nice cry, I’ll listen to some Bob Dylan.”

If you’re looking for lyrics or to cry or to think about life, don’t listen to hip-hop. You hear that, hip-hop world? Don’t put any effort into your rhymes or make anything meaningful outside of partying and bullshit. Guys like Kendrick, Lupe, Chance The Rapper, Joyner Lucas, Open Mike Eagle, or even Jay Z, who put out one of his most personal records to date in 4:44? Forget about them. Post Malone’s got the gospel. Dude. Fuck you. This is the ignorant, condescending bullshit that I hate, treating hip-hop as a mere commodity rather than an art form. It’s also hypocritical coming from someone who’s part of the reason why there isn’t a lot of “real shit” out there. I like how he tries to backpedal with the next comment, which contradicts the previous. He made a response video addressing the comments he made, using the Jamie Foxx method of blaming the alcohol. Am I being too salty about this guy? Maybe, but it’s for a reason. Because this dude’s music is trash and comments like the ones he made make me like him less. That’s just me.

AAAAAAAAND here’s an obvious choice at number 3.

3.

By this point, saying that Body Like A Backroad isn’t a country song would be beating a dead horse with a dead horse. It’s pretty obvious. Honestly, I don’t give a damn what genre this song falls under because it’s fucking garbage. What do I even say about the instrumentation of this song? It’s slow, sludgy, and synthetic as hell thanks to those thin guitars, the fake claps, and those fucking gang vocals. Gang vocals on a “country” song. This is obviously taking a page out of the DJ Mustard template, a template that DJ Mustard himself has left behind since 2016. Is there a phrase similar to jumping the shark that could be used for music? Because I think this song jumped the shark. Why whenever country artists borrow from hip-hop, they borrow from either the worst parts or the parts that are dated? This, plus the rest of bro country, is no different from the Iggy Azaleas and Post Malones of the world, taking elements of hip-hop and white-washing it for a more Caucasian audience. This is, to paraphrase Steve Earle, hip-hop for people who are afraid of black people. A.K.A Trump supporters.

Now onto everything else in the song. If Sam Hunt wasn’t on the shit list before this song, he sure is now because this song paints him as a disgusting sleazebag with no idea how idiotic the things he’s saying are. Hell, just look at the title: Body Like A Backroad. So this chick’s body is rough, worn down, and full of dirt? That has to be the most unflattering simile I have ever heard when it comes to comparing women’s bodies. And this song was dedicated to Sam Hunt’s wife. I guess when you’re married to a famous music star, you put up with any crap they put out. But that’s just an appetizer for the rest of the shitty lyrics.

Body like a back road, drivin’ with my eyes closed
I know every curve like the back of my hand

Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks
Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats

Body like a back road, drivin’ with my eyes closed

I’ma take it slow just as fast as I can

Worst part is that this song is sung like a campfire song, so it stays in your head for days after hearing it. The sad part is that this was number one in the country charts for 34 consecutive weeks. For more than half of the year, this topped the country charts. It’s technically one of the biggest “country” hits of all time. This goes to show how broken the country music industry is that they allow this to happen.

By this point, we’re going to get into some uncomfortable territory. The number two song makes me sick, not just because of how it sounds, but because of who’s behind it. This brings “separate the artist from the art” into question. Where do you draw the line? At what point does the artist become so despicable as a person that it starts leaking into the art and the two become inseparable? Well, here’s an artist whose shittiness is present in them and their art. Kodak Black, ladies and gentlemen.

2.

Never would I thought that a song would get worse each and every time I revisit it and think about it. Every element of Tunnel Vision gets on my nerves. Let’s start with the production from Metro Boomin. Generic trap percussion alongside a dull acoustic guitar and a flute that sounds out of place. This is another example of Metro Boomin clearly not trying. Kodak Black’s voice has always been a huge turnoff for me and this song shows why. His voice is the worst combination of nasal screeching and mumbling. It’s like this dude is teasing us while high on laughing gas. And these lyrics are littered with poop jokes, forced rhymes, and some subtle references to women, including…

 I get any girl I want, any girl I want

Oh, but that’s not even the original line.

I get any girl I want, I don’t gotta rape

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What was this song about again?

Lil Kodak, they don’t like to see you winnin’
They wanna see you in a penitentiary

Okay, let’s address the gigantic elephant in the room.

Not you, Francine. You’re cool.

Aside from the fact that “winning” doesn’t rhyme with “penitentiary,” Kodak Black was arrested and charged for armed robbery and violating parole and he’s currently on trial for ripping off a woman’s clothes, biting her, and RAPING HER while she screams for help. And there’s people out there trying to frame this song as a piece against racism and the main evidence they point to is the music video. I think a certain music reviewer said it best.

Is there systematic and institutional racism at work within our justice system? Yes. But to quote Huey Freeman, “not every nigga that goes to jail is Nelson Mandela.” All this does is delegitimize those who are making efforts to bring awareness to issues that affects the black community and want to make their lives better. It’s giving ammunition to the racist assholes with Pepe The Frog/anime avatars who beat off to Tomi Lahren every time she talks shit about Beyonce or Colin Kaepernick. Do not look at the guy who represents some of the worst stereotypes associated with black people and hip-hop to be the face of standing against racism. Kodak Black is a criminal, plain and simple, and he should be in a penitentiary. Anyone who still says “FREE KODAK” by this point, you can take those words and shove them where the sun don’t shine.

And now we’ve reached number 1. This was a song that people didn’t know if it was gonna make the Year End chart or not. But it manage to garner enough points to make the bottom 10. Originally, I was having a hard time deciding what will be number one. I had considerations about putting the previous four songs at the top, but after a lot of thinking, this song won out over the others because like Tunnel Vision, I believe that this song and the artist attached to it represents some of the most toxic aspects not just in hip-hop or music, but in our society. I normally wish the best from people, especially if they’re a person of color, but I can’t do that with this dude. I know that sounds harsh, but if you look at who I’m talking about, you might understand.

The worst song of 2017 IS………

drum roll

1.

Soundcloud was a mistake. Maybe it’s me getting older and not being able to connect to some of today’s rap music, but I can’t fuck with Soundcloud rap. And it’s all rooted in one guy, XXXTentacion, and his song, Look At Me. There are many words that could be used to describe Look At Me, but one that comes to mind for me is ugly. This song is ugliness in every way that’s possible. The beat is one of the worst beats I’ve heard this year. The melody sounds like a moaning cow on mushrooms and it’s paired with poor mixing and distortion that breaks the song to being unlistenable. I initially thought something was wrong with my ear plugs when I first heard the song, then I thought I was listening to a really bad quality version. But no. That’s how it sounds. It’s designed to generate nauseating migraines. Look At Me is such an appropriate title for this song because it’s an edgelord spewing shit just to shock people. When he’s not saying “ay” after every single line, XXX shows how he feels about women.

I’m like bitch, “Who is your mans?”, ay
Can’t keep my dick in my pants, ay

That bitch don’t wanna be friends, aye
I gave her dick, she got mad, aye
She put her tongue on my dick, aye

I took a white bitch to starbucks
That lil’ bitch got her throat fucked

Skeet on your main bitch’s forehead
Don’t want your pussy, just want head

Somewhere, Zeus is going, “Dude, chill.” Aside from an ugly sound and disgusting lyrics, the reason why Look At Me is number on this list is because of how awful XXX is as a person. See, this dude was charged not just for armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon, but he also attacked his girlfriend while she was pregnant. And he said this about the latter case on Kodak Black’s Roll In Peace.

Roll In Peace-Kodak Black ft XXXTentacion

Last time I wifed a bitch she told the world I beat her, huh

See what I mean when I say he’s an awful person? He has no regrets for his actions and is proud of it. This reflects an issue in our society. We’re seeing monstrous human beings be put on a pedestal and are either celebrated or excused (or in some cases, be put in a position of power) while those who are trying to make the world a better place are either shunned or criticized. This attitude fuels the online edgelord culture and the anti-intellectualism that’s on the rise and turning our world into Idiocracy. Giving attention to guys like XXX is only going to send the message that bad behavior is okay as long as you’re making money.

And this guy isn’t helping.

Hip-hop already has a bad enough reputation with those outside the culture and this will only reinforce their beliefs even more. The sad thing is that this shit isn’t gonna stop anytime soon. Lil Pump made the Top 3 and 6ix9ine is in the Top 20 as I’m typing this. This will continue unless we as consumers put a stop to it. Sadly, not everyone is well-informed even in the digital age. The one thing we can do is let people know that this shit is not okay, hold horrible people accountable for their actions, and then spread the word. Knowledge is power and the more knowledgable we are, the more powerful we become. And all of this is why Look At Me is the worst hit song of 2017.

And those were the worst hits that 2017 had to offer. Next week, we go out on a positive note with the Best Songs of 2017.

Peace!!

SONGS OF THE WEEK

Lies-Madison Lawrence

White Man’s World-Jason Isbell And The 400 Unit

Highway Tune-Greta Van Fleet

The One-Elton John

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9 thoughts on “Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 2017

  1. Seeing Chained To The Rhythm here made me realize that you should do a Target Practice on Swish Swish, because it’s one of the lamest songs ever (even lamer than Look What You Made Me Do and Bad Blood).

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  2. Agree with all except for Bad and Boujee for just being a standard trap song, Chained To The Rhythm for sounding good in spite of shit lyrics, Believer for good drums, and being loud and fun to listen to.

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  3. I agree with your view of 2017 being a middle of the road for music cause while I had some good jams with That’s What I Like, Redbone, Feels, Slide, Feel It Still and Havana I couldn’t stand almost all of the rap and trap hits this year.
    Bad and Boujee has the stupidest claim to fame I have ever heard. At least Black Beatles and all those Vine Dance Songs had the Mannequin Challenge and the dances that made it fun and interactive but here it’s just four words and a phrase for people to make up as their meme.
    I’m just as surprised as you are about Issues and Julia Michaels nominations at the Grammys and that some of my friends actually like this song and hoping for her to win.
    Mi Gente is easily the most annoying song I’ve ever heard. This sounds like something Pitbull would of put out during his peak hit making period from 2009-2013. Every time I hear Beyoncé I’m like “What are you doing here?”
    Despite how bad Rake it Up is, I can at least laugh at the stupidity of the lines along with Yo Gotti and Nicki Minaj’s delivery.
    Swang easily has the worst falsetto singing I have ever heard and whoever thought including it was a good idea should be fired!
    I’m also feeling nostalgic for Katy Perry’s music from 2010-2011 for the same reason as well as the memories of hearing them on the school bus. That GIF shows what Katy has always been a cool mom staying hip with the kids and not realizing how embarrassing she is which is only now more noticeable since she’s in her 30s now.
    I was actually excited to hear Look What You Made Me Do since she had taken an extra year off and was starting to miss hearing new music from her but now I wish I wasn’t cause I couldn’t believe what I was hearing when I first listened to it. Glad this song is flopping!
    I was exposed to Post Malone while working in my school district’s summer camp by my counselor friends where we listened to Congratulations a whole lot. From listening to that and his other songs, I couldn’t imagine Post Malone having any more chart success since he didn’t seem like the guy to take seriously as an artist so I was flabbergasted when I saw Rockstar debut at #2 let alone go to #1 for EIGHT weeks! Rockstar is basically 2017’s version of Black Beatles: hip hop stars comparing themselves to rock stars with only a few references to actual rock stars while not making a bit of sense.
    I haven’t cared for SoundCloud rap and thank goodness for that! You are so right about how our society is giving attention and praise to all the bad people like these rappers and our President while all the women wanting to report sexual harrassment and assault against these guys are being laughed at as crazy and getting punished for it.
    You said it best about politics this year. It may have felt funny at first but now I just want Trump’s presidency to be over already! I don’t think anyone in his Cabinet believes anything he says and vice verse which is what we’ve seen from all the resignations. This isn’t even about politics for me but about having a President who inspires and shows the best in our country and not actively degrading the office day after day like Trump has. The thought of my kids learning about him in their history classes just makes me sad.
    Overall, I think 2017 will be looked back as a confusing year for music cause while we had trap dominating thanks to streaming, the two biggest hits of the year weren’t trap with Shape of You and Despacito. We had trends from the last few years like tropical house clinging on in the beginning before dying off and we had Latin pop getting a strong boost from Despacito but have yet to find their footing in our pop scene.

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  4. 10. First it was Watch Me in 2015, now it’s this one. What does ‘JuJu on that beat’ even mean?
    9. Never heard it.
    8. Ah, Imagine Dragons. How far you have fallen. You went from making It’s Time and Radioactive to Smoke And Mirrors and these two sludgy drecks.
    7. This song in a nutshell: ‘Ooh, hurt me some more, baby, come on, my dick’s getting harder, I love it when there’s lots of pain’.
    6. Kendrick, I’m disappointed in you. First Bad Blood and now this? Anyone remember when Maroon 5 sounded like an actual band? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
    5. I already commented everything about this song in its Target Practice. The fact that Taylor Swift is trying to be edgy just makes me laugh.
    4. Post Malone has no presence or charisma to do a decent song, and yet people still keep giving him hits. WHY?!
    3. Johnny Cash would be rolling in his grave seeing how bastardised country music has become. Though I’m not a country music fan, the fact that this dross stayed No.1 on the country charts just sickens me.
    2. Oh boy… Kodak Black. Despite me being sick of the likes of Drake and Migos, at least they’re not… THIS! And by THIS, I mean having the one of the most ear-grating voices in all of hip-hop, and also being a rapist to boot.
    1. It’s official: Soundcloud rap is the new ringtone rap. Since when did we, as a society, decide to give POS’s like XXXTentacion and 6ix9ine any attention? Also, beating up your pregnant girlfriend is something I can’t forgive, no matter how talented an artist is. I’m glad he’s finally getting what he’s had coming for a long time.

    Now is a good time to give my thoughts on the Net Neutrality thing: Because I’m British-English, this doesn’t affect me, but it would be a very sad day if I wouldn’t be able to read your posts and be recommended good music because you’d have to pay more to use stuff like Youtube and Spotify. Though the FCC may have won this battle, the war is far from over. To all decent Americans, keep fighting the good fight to get Congress to veto the repeal so I can still enjoy visiting this site!

    Whew, now that’s out of the way, I have a feeling that DNA. is going to be No.1 on the best list.

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      1. Well, I think I might have been living under a rock, because I don’t remember hearing this song at all, or know how it goes. I don’t listen to much radio nowadays, so maybe that’s the reason why I never heard it. Sorry about that.

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    1. My thoughts on yours:

      10. Who cares to know the definition, JUJU sounds like a baby noise. For me, we can call this the Vine death anthem since it’s the last vine viral hit before its closure
      09. It’s the dying goat song with the Pitbull impersonator, good enough description?
      08. Funny thing is Cardi B’s exaggerated hand movements from Bodak Yellow sync up with that weird chipmunk hook
      07. Well at least Havana showed improvement for her. As for him, he needs to avoid rapping that sounds like he’s out of breath
      06. I compare Kendrick’s Guest Verses in bad songs to the bad roles by the late Dom Deluise. They’re 2 talented guys that should learn to say no. I can say this though, the lame music video is better if you mute it and just play Shape Of You Over it.
      05. Just like Bad Blood in 2015, this music video is a joke because I can’t buy Taylor Swift being a bad tough girl seriously. The fact that these lyrics here like that 2 year old song were inspired by something she couldn’t take the high road on is proof her ego has FAR past Kanye’s. This dethroned Despacito to break a record, this song that is based on material where she doesn’t name names and lies got to #1 fast. 😠plus rapping Swift and a I’m Too Sexy sample don’t mix
      04. Unlike some people who are more than willing to just right away tell Post Malone to “screw off!” from his poor choice of words on hip hop, I’m willing to give him the chance to improve himself because we’ve all said stupid stuff in our lives. As for Rockstar, it’s decent background music but it’s useless on radio because they have to edit out the word pills and the f bombs making it sound broken
      03. Same here. Not a big country fan or rap fan but they deserve better year end hits sometimes. At least I can laugh at this country trash in the few times I hear it on the radio for all its stupid lyrics and gang vocal chanting
      02. Grating voice though thankfully my Canadian radio stations refuse to touch bad rap like this and I only hear it in reviews. Can’t believe one of the lines was originally about how he’s famous enough to get any girls he wants without rape. I only hope the actors in that plea for attention music video were paid well to act out that uncomfortable battle
      01. I’ll refer to what I said about Post Malone earlier Fast first: if he’s willing to avoid saying stupid like that in the future more, he can better himself. Now onto xxxtentaclecon, his music sounds like it’s on a bad radio reception, beating up his pregnant girlfriend is inexcusable and the lyrics about not showing remorse for being a terrible human being is pretty much on the same level as Mr “I get any girls, I don’t not gotta rape”

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  5. I was expecting to have a lot of disagreements, but I agree with the majority of this list. This year is definitely a huge step up from 2016, but it still has its’ problems. As far as the dishonorable mentions go, I only have two disagreements. I used to hate Bad & Boujee, but it’s grown a lot on me since. Honestly, I kind of like some of the ad-libs and the triplet flow used in the song. I’ve grown to enjoy them and have gotten used to them and I think they’re good at what they do. Yes, Lil’ Uzi’s vert is pretty awful, but in a so-bad-it’s good” kind of way, in which I could just laugh at it and enjoy it ironically. Is what they’re saying anything revolutionary or meaningful? No. But rap music wasn’t always meaningful even back in the 80’s or 90’s, and doesn’t have to be. And I personally think that they do have some talent and are good at their lane. I think it just boils down to not that they are bad, as so much they’re not your cup of tea. I actually liked T-Shirt and really enjoy I Get The Bag which has grown considerably on me, and their verse on Slide was pretty awesome. I actually think they’re good rappers when they try. Bad & Boujee is no masterpiece, but honestly I’d take this over their earlier work, which I will definitely give you that it was very bad. I’d rather forget Versace and Hannah Montana existed. Bad & Boujee is lyrical poetry compared to those pieces of shit. I used to hate Rolex, but I’ve grown to like it. I find it catchy, the flute instrumentation I find kind of infectuous and I actually feel like Ayo & Teo are trying a lot more than pretty much every other one-hit wonder rapper that made a viral dance hit. Are they ripping off Rae Sremmurd? absolutely. But I don’t mind it that much and I honestly prefer this over Swang and most of Rae Sremmurd’s other output. I agree with the rest. Honestly, I don’t find Strip That Down or Sorry, Not Sorry terrible, but they are still pretty bad and shows that pop artists should stay in their and not attempt to do trap music. I don’t hate Chained To The Rhythm, but I really hate how hypocritical it is. I used to hate Katy Perry a lot, but now I’ve softened up on her some and I now think that some of her Teenage Dream and her 2008 singles are catchy in retrospect, I just couldn’t get over the fact that she wasn’t great singer, but I’ve mostly gotten used to her voice now. This era was a disaster and for good reason, neither of the songs are all that catchy and neither will stand the test of time, and it’s just embarrassing. Feels was an exception, but outside of that, yeah I wouldn’t mind if she became completely irrelevant, though I do feel a little sorry for her. I really regret not putting Rake It Up on my worst list because it’s really bad in retrospect. It’s super boring and I instantly change the station any time it comes on. Yo Gotti is a boring ass rapper and Nicki’s verses here are just cringy. Fake Love and Swang are garbage, nuff said. Fake Love is Hotline Bling if it sucked hard and Swang is easily one of Rae Sremmurd’s worst songs. Issues and Say You Won’t Let Go are the definition of boring. I never got the appeal of either song. And Julia Michaels should just stick to songwriting. As far as the actual list goes, Juju On That Beat is horrible, lazy and quite possibly the worst of all the viral hits to have come out the past few years. I didn’t like the original Mi Gente for a while, but then it grew on me. And I can’t really bring myself to hate a song about getting people to dance and representing where you’re from. The remix on the other hand, yeah that sucks a big one. It’s just Beyonce phoning it in and being annoying. Thunder has really wore off on me and now I really think it’s bad, still not “worst of the year” bad, but bad nevertheless. Believer is actually starting to grown on me a bit, but I get the hate. I don’t think music made for commercials is specifically bad, but if the quality isn’t up to par, there’s a problem. While I don’t hate Believer, it’s still not as good as the first two hits from the Night Visions era. Agree wholeheartedly with Bad Things and Don’t Wanna Know. Bad Things, well the title speaks for itself. It’s boring, unlistenable, and no different from your standard pop-rap collaboration except for the fact that it’s attrocious. It’s also a waste of Machine Gun Kelly’s talents, he sounds like amateur on this song, when in reality he’s a much better rapper than this. A shame this is his biggest song. Don’t Wanna Know is more sellout crap, this time cashing in on the tropical trend of the past couple of year, and this is quite the worst song out of all of those songs from that trend, it’s awful. And don’t get me started on Kendrick. I’m glad he blew up this year, because I certainly didn’t want him to be remembered by the general public as that one guy who did guests on pop songs. Already said everything I needed to say on Look What You Made Me Do. It’s awful and easily Taylor’s worst song. Post Malone for me it’s one of those artists I should hate more than I do, but can’t help it because he makes some catchy songs. Now I don’t think his output is all that great, some of the songs off his album are boring including White Iverson, but I get his appeal. He just never really bothered me and I actually enjoyed Congratulations. And I’ve also come around to liking Rockstar a bit. It doesn’t pack a punch, but I don’t mind it, it’s a bit catchy to me. And honestly, I think everything he’s said has been taken out of context. Body Like A Backroad is a sorry excuse of a country song that has no right to call itself a country song. Also, its’ success has been baffling to me. I admit, ignoring the really cringy DJ Mustard-chants, it is catchy, but not in a good way. And Sam Hunt just sounds like a douche. I really don’t see how anyone could find this sexy or flattering, it’s just really bad. I don’t hate Tunnel Vision that much. Yes, Kodak is a terrible human who deserves to be in jail, yes the video is just a sorry excuse for him to play the victim or racist card because he won’t own up to his action, yes his rapping kind of sucks, and the lyrics don’t do him much favors. But I really don’t mind this song all that much and kind of like the flute beat. Plus, this isn’t even the worst Kodak song I’ve heard, there’s definitely worse songs than this. But still, Kodak sucks and shouldn’t be popular. I definitely agree with your #1. Again, X can rap on his best days, but his biggest hit is by far his worst song. The lyrics are terrible and really horrific, X sounds like every other trap rapper in this song and the beat is just awful. If I were hearing this on my headphones, my head would explode and would lose all of my hearing. It’s really that terrible. Considering that he might go to jail soon, I think it’s best if we don’t hear this guy anymore, regardless of whether or not he can rap. Overall, a really good list. Looking forward to the best list.

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