Welcome back to another Top 40 Review where we look at the 40 most popular songs in the United States. We’re one week away from spring and the charts are at a mediocre point. If this is an indication of what the rest of the year is like, then I’m not too excited. Let’s get started.
#40. Young Dumb & Broke-Khalid: A
#39. Wait-The Adam Levine Show: Another year, another Adam Levine Show single. At this point, it’s expected for them to make an appearance. Their latest single is called Wait and it’s straight-up weak. It’s another pop song with a gutless guitar buried beneath a trap beat with no flavor. Over the years, Adam has become less and less interesting with each new single and this song shows. He’s trying to get his ex to come back to him and I don’t really care. It’s more radio filler that’ll take up airtime on pop music stations and doesn’t stand out at all. I give it an F.
#38. Jason Aldean-You Make It Easy: Jason Aldean is one of those artists I didn’t care about. Not making it easy is the existence of Dirt Road Anthem and Burnin’ It Down. As for You Make It Easy? I don’t mind this. He seems to be moving towards a more organic sound with this production. The writing is a pretty simple love song, though this line is…
And I swear God made you for me
… questionable. But setting that aside, Aldean pulls this sentiment off well. If this is the direction he wants to go with his music, then I’m cool with it. I give it a B.
#37. How Long-Charlie Puth: B
#36. No Limit-G-Eazy ft A$AP Rocky & Cardi B: C
#35. MotorSport-Migos ft Nicki Minaj & Cardi B: F
#34. Whatever It Takes-Imagine Dragons: Maybe it’s because of the double whammy of Believer and Thunder, but Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons isn’t that bad. Hell, it’s one of the better songs off of Evolve. The percussion does sound fake, but the guitars build a really good swell in the chorus. And the vocals aren’t that bad, either. There’s glimpses of the old Imagine Dragons creeping through and while it isn’t great, I don’t mind it at all. I like it. I’s getting a B from me.
#33. Marry Me-Thomas Rhett: A
#32. Say Something-Justin Timberlake ft Chris Stapleton: B
#31. Outside Today-NBA Youngboy: F
#30. Feel It Still-Portugal The Man: A
#29. Bartier Cardi-Cardi B ft 21 Savage: F
#28. Gummo-6ix9ine: F
#27. Bad At Love-Halsey: F
#26. Love-Kendrick Lamar ft Zacari: A
#25. Wolves-Selena Gomez & Marshmello: B
#24. Lights Down Low-MAX ft gnash: D
#23. King’s Dead-Jay Rock, Kendrick Lamar, Future, & James Blake: I already talked about this song back in my Black Panther album review, so I’ll keep it short: most of the song is okay, Kendrick’s second verse was fire, and Future gave us both the worst music moment of 2018 AND the music equivalent of a bird shitting on a delicious cheeseburger straight out of Five Guys. Nothing else needs to be said. The rating hasn’t changed, it’s a C.
#22. Top Off-DJ Khaled ft Jay Z, Beyonce, & Future: While we’re on the topic of Future, can we stop putting him in songs where he doesn’t belong? We have DJ Khaled teaming up with the power couple of music themselves Jay Z and Beyonce for Top Off, which is nearly 4 minutes of bragging. Neither of the verses were that great, not from Jay Z and not from Beyonce. But then you have Future, who does the hook and it is atrocious. Seriously, the Auto-Tune sounds broken. With this, plus King’s Dead, was Future’s New Years Resolution to do the worst on every song he appears on? Overall, Top Off isn’t the worst song I’ve ever heard, but it ain’t good, either. I give it a D.
#21. I Fall Apart-Post Malone: F
#20. Thunder-Imagine Dragons: F
#19. Never Be The Same-Camila Cabello: F
#18. Mine-Bazzi: D
Target Practice: Kodak Black ft XXXTENTACION “Roll In Peace”
At this point, I don’t want to talk about Kodak Black and XXX anymore on this website because I don’t want to give them any more attention than they deserve. But that might not happen if they chart a new single.
I said this nearly a month ago and here we are. If God is real, then he’s a sadistic asshole feeding off people’s misery. And of course, XXX named this song after one of President Dickhead’s favorite catchphrases, Sad!. You know what’s truly sad? That this exists and is in the Top 20. What’s not sad is how horrible this song is. It’s an emo song where XXX whines about a girl once again and I don’t feel any sympathy for him. Just like his other songs, there’s barely any detail and it feels unfinished. I honestly hope that this sinks like a rock after this because XXX doesn’t need any more attention. I give this an F.
#16. Ric Flair Drop-Offset & Metro Boomin’: In the ocean of mixtapes that are released every week, one of them is a collaboration between Metro Boomin, Offset of Migos fame, and 21 Savage. You know, I would say “who asked for this,” but then again, I could apply that question to pretty much 90% of mixtapes out right now. Anywho, Ric Flair Drop. It’s more Auto-Tuned bragging and indulgence into excess luxury paired with a pretty dull beat. Trap fans will love this and eat it up, but like most trap songs, it didn’t click with me. I give it an F.
#15. Him & I-G-Eazy ft Halsey: F
#14. New Rules-Dua Lipa: A
#13. Let You Down-NF: B
#12. Rockstar-Post Malone ft 21 Savage: F
#11. All The Stars-Kendrick Lamar & SZA: B
#10. Stir Fry-Migos: C
#9. Pray For Me-The Weeknd & Kendrick Lamar: A
#8. The Middle-Zedd, Maren Morris, & Grey: C
#7. Look Alive-BlocBoy JB ft Drake: At the same time he released God’s Plan, Aubrey Graham featured himself on a track with BlocBoy JB, a random Joe rapper who no one will give a shit about by the end of the year if they haven’t already. Look Alive, it’s generic as fuck. A trap beat driven by a few piano notes, BlocBoy JB not being interesting at all, and Drake being Drake while taking up most of the song. Oh, and half of his verse are lines stolen from Project Pat’s Out There. World’s biggest rapper right now and he’s still getting away with taking other people’s lines. I give this song an F.
#6. Havana-Camila Cabello ft Young Thug: D
#5. Meant To Be-Bebe Rexha & Florida Georgia Line: F
#4. Psycho-Post Malone ft Ty Dolla Sign: Good news: Rockstar is finally out of the Top 10. Bad news: Post Malone has a new track replacing it, Psycho with Ty Dolla Sign. It’s pretty much every Post Malone song you’ve ever heard. A boring desaturated beat along with Auto-Tuned mumbling and more boring flexing, plus, Ty Dolla Sign not doing anything significant. For a song called Psycho, there’s nothing that Psycho about it. I don’t think Post Malone will ever make anything close to sounding psycho. Overall, it’s not his worst song on the charts right now (especially when I Fall Apart is still hanging around), but’s it’s still pretty bad. I give it an F.
#3. Finesse-Bruno Mars: A
#2. Perfect-Ed Sheeran: C
#1. God’s Plan-Drake: F
Whatever It Takes
You Make It Easy
So those were the Top 40 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 as of March 13, 2017. Stay tuned next month when I do another Top 40 Review. This week, look forward to the Worst Songs of 1974 list.