Worst Songs List

Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 1977

1977, the year Elvis Presley died. With a year as great as 1976, there was no way 1977 was going to live up to that hype. And that’s exactly what happened. Don’t get me wrong, it was a decent year, but it didn’t have the same variety or quality as the previous year. Disco was still going strong and it’s going to get a boost thanks to the release of Saturday Night Fever, which will impact the charts in 1978 (we’ll get to that). But then the ballads pop right back up like a pimple and slow things down. Nothing wrong with having slower songs every now and then, but this is ridiculous. You know what time it is. Let’s look at the worst music that came out of 1977.

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10.

We start off with one of the corniest songs I might have heard, which is saying something. I don’t have any strong feelings about Bay City Rollers, though I do like one of their songs. You Made Me Believe In Magic is not that song. So we have a guy who’s all depressed and feels badly about himself when suddenly, he comes across a girl who turns his life around and makes him so happy that he suddenly believes in magic. That sounds like some saccharine shit right here. It’s one thing to be hyperbolic, but when you start talking like you’re in a low-rate Disney cartoon, you’re going a bit too far. Even worse is that the instrumentation sounds like Disney trying their hand at disco, adding to the sappiness. Also, the vocals aren’t that good in this song. You have no reason to listen to this. Skip it.

9.

The band with one of the whitest names ever, Bread, returns with Lost Without Your Love. It’s a huge pity fest where David Gates whines about being lonely and wanting his ex to come back to him. Maybe she left because he was too clingy and melodramatic. The instrumentation feature generic piano notes and synths acting like strings but failing. They try to inject some energy into the song halfway through to prevent it from being a snoozefest, but it doesn’t push it past anything above basic. Another ballad you and I could live without.

8.

And we’re not done with the sap yet. We’re now diving into Kenny Nolan’s big hit, I Like Dreamin’. It’s another ballad of the times that shows its age with the use of strings and strumming acoustic guitars. In this song, Kenny Nolan dreams of a life with a certain lady, spending time with one another and with children of their own. Look, it’s nice to have dreams. We all have them. But if you don’t work to make your dreams a reality, then they’ll stay dreams and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t take the shot. Nothing more to say about I Like Dreamin’. It’s more 70s corn.

7.

David Soul was the star of the hit TV series Starsky & Hutch, which I didn’t realize came from the 70s because I only knew the film version from 2004. He also had a music career and was huge in the U.K. while only attaining one hit in the U.S. with Don’t Give Up On Us. How ironic that a guy named David Soul has no soul whatsoever. This has as much soul as the current White House administration. Like the previous two songs, it’s another schlocky ballad whose instrumentation you could swap with any other like it and you wouldn’t notice a thing. This is another song where a relationship is coming to an end and the guy is begging this girl not to leave and he’s not putting up a solid enough reason to stay. I got no use for this. It’s a bland sandwich.

6.

How do you make a song about a love triangle boring? Well, Mary MacGregor cracked the code on that with Torn Between Two Lovers. For a song like this, you’d expect instrumentation that would match the drama of the subject matter, not this slow acoustic guitar glob. And there’s also the fact that she’s fallen in love with both men and can’t choose between them. You can keep them both for your threesome fantasies, but you know that when you decide to get serious about a relationship, you’re gonna have to choose one, right? Well, there is two possible solutions for this: one, all three of you can move to Utah and live happily ever after or this:

Image result for dragon ball z fusion
“FU-SION!!”

You get two in one and double the pleasure. Everyone wins.

5.

Looks like we’re not done with product placement in 70s pop thanks to David Dundas and his only hit Jeans On. Funny story about this song: it started off as a jingle for a Brutus Jeans commercial in the U.K. The commercial was really popular and the jingle was re-recorded as a full-length single. Yeah, that’s the main issue with this song: it’s a song written for a commercial. It’s not that subtle about it and it’s delivered in the corniest way possible. Musically, it sounds like they used the cheapest instruments they could afford. What, were those royalty checks from the commercials not enough for you?

4.

Donny Osmond isn’t the only kid star who stunk up the charts in the 70s. Here’s Shaun Cassidy, the younger stepbrother of the late David Cassidy. He scores two songs in the same spot, both are covers. First is his cover to That’s Rock ‘N’ Roll by Eric Carmen.

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Haha. You’re funny. CARMEN, not CARTMAN.

Anywho, the original is a pretty decent song that’s nostalgic for rock ‘n’ roll music, though not one of my favorites. Shaun Cassidy’s cover doesn’t even sound like a rock ‘n’ roll song, but a weak imitation with no punch and I don’t buy Cassidy as a rock ‘n’ roll guy. Also, it has one of the worst sounding saxophones ever. Da Doo Ron Ron is a cover to the 1963 Crystals song of the same name. Dumb title aside, the original is groovy and bouncy in the best 60s way. So leave it to Shaun Cassidy to remove the soul and groove of the original and replace it with generic crap. And that awful sax returns again. Goody. Speaking of watered-downed covers, …

3.

What do you get when you take a Jackie Wilson hit and you make the audio equivalent to Karen’s bland potato salad with raisins and no seasoning? Well, that’s what happened when Rita Coolidge turned (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher And Higher into (You Love Has Lifted Me) Higher And Higher. All of the soulful energy of the original song has been sucked out and in its place is production that has aged like milk and Rita Coolidge, who doesn’t hold a candle to Jackie Wilson in the vocal department. Why would you do this to a really good song? What’s next, taking a great upbeat funk song and turn it into a slow boring ballad with banjoes?

2.

Image result for Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)

You know? Some of the bad songs I come across during this series amazes me. I already knew bad music has always existed, but I’m always surprised by some of the shit that they got away with in the past. This brings us to Joe Tex and Ain’t Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I now believe that a song title is worth the same. Yeesh. It’s full of fat-shaming as Joe Tex expresses his dislike for big women because of a bad experience dancing with one of them. It’s mean-spirited to the point where you can’t even enjoy this song because of how much of a douche Joe Tex is. Women are already insecure with their weight, this is not helping them at all. Big girls need love, too.

And now, here are some dishonorable mentions

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

  • Rod Stewart-Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)
  • Peter McCann-Do You Wanna Make Love
  • James Taylor-Handy Man
  • Helen Ready-You’re My World
  • Barbara Streisand-My Heart Belongs To Me
  • Engelbert Humperdinck-After The Lovin’
  • Burton Cummings-Stand Tall
  • Ronnie Milsap-It Was Almost Like A Song
  • Carly Simon-Nobody Does It Better
  • Kenny Nolan-Love’s Grown Deep

And finally, the worst song of 1977 IS………

drum roll

1.

Remember when I said that Shop Around wasn’t the worst song Captain & Tenille ever made? Well, it rings true because THIS is the worst song they’ve ever made. Muskrat Love. Yeah, that title pretty much says it. This is a cover to a song written and performed by Willis Alan Ramsey and it’s a song about muskrats falling in love. Seriously. Is this a pop song or a rejected song from a bad kids’ movie or TV show? It sounds like the latter thanks to the instrumentation, which sounds cartoonishly sappy thanks to the electric keys, synths that sounds like birds, and some thumping noise that won’t shut up. It was said that they tried to imitate the sound of muskrats mating with these sound effects and I don’t know about you, but I don’t think they got it right. Captain & Tenille were a mistake. I’d honestly rather listen to actual animals mate than this crap again. Congratulations to Muskrat Love for being the worst song of 1977.

So those were the worst songs of 1977. In two weeks, BACK TO THE 70s continues with the Worst Songs of 1978.

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Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

BagBak-Vince Staples

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15 thoughts on “Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 1977

  1. You’re certainly entitled to your own opinion, but I see Helen Reddy come up a lot on your dishonorable mentions. What exactly is it you dislike about her? She’s one of my favorites! To each their own tho.

    I love your work! I’ve been working on a similar project the past few months. Keep up the great work!

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  2. Personally, 1977 is my least favorite year of the late 70’s considering the ballads were back in full force and we didn’t have as many classics as the year end list from the year before gave us. With some exceptions, when I was going through the ’77 list myself, I found myself bored through a lot of it. I don’t have much to say about 10-6 or even the dishonorable mentions because most of them all sound so interchangeable with each other, that I forgot how most of them sounded. The Rod Stewart song was an exception only because it was the #1 song of the year and because his voice stands out. Personally, I didn’t care for it. Also, I do remember the Don’t Give Up On Us song from David Soul simply because he was on Starsky & Hutch. The song itself isn’t necessarily bad and his voice doesn’t bother that much (which is saying something considering he’s an actor first) but this isn’t a song I really need to go back to. You know, I complain so much about pop music today because there’s not enough ballads and soulful music, but after going through all the ballads that were released and became hits throughout hits, we don’t really need them in pop music anymore, we’re good. Also, I think this is why I prefer the 80’s and 90’s over this era, because we had less sappy ballads in each decade and more interesting and innovative stuff (we still had them, just not nearly as often as we did in the 70’s, jeez!). And I think this was the main criticism that the popular music in the 70’s got, aside from the disco, funk and classic rock, we got corporate safe easy listening crap by artists with no flavor, staying power or creativity, which led to the MTV boom wiping all that away in the 80’s. All this turns me off from ever wanting to extensively revisit the 70’s anytime soon. Going back to the list, Jeans On seems like a song that could have come from a commercial jingle. It also explains why the artist behind it was a one-hit wonder. Even back then, we had teen idols with mediocre talent, and this also dates back to the 50’s. So even in the “good old days” we had teen sensations that were more about appealing to girls than actual substance. Even The Beatles were a cheesy boy band before they became the groundbreaking, influential band we know today. As for Shaun Cassidy, I was more unimpressed with his music more than outright angry. I didn’t feel any emotion one way or the other, which just goes to show how little impact you leave after your fame dies out. He was a thing for a while and it was clear that he wasn’t an artist designed to have a long career with that type of music. Trust me when I say that the only reason Bieber still has a career is because of the internet, which gives him an advantage and has allowed artists to stay relevant much longer than they should have. Otherwise, he would’ve faded away quickly also just like all these teen idols from back in the day have done. I think it’s been established that whenever an artist that isn’t black covers a song from a black artist, chances are it’s usually gonna be way inferior to the original version and it’s gonna suck. I don’t mean to come off as racist, but for the most part I just think black people are better singers than white people, no offense (that’s not always the case, but for most of the time they really are imo). They have more soul in their voice and really go all out. And I think it shows when these covers get whitewashed. Now obviously, there’s exceptions to the rule white people can make covers just as good as the original version, if not better, but those are far few in between. Some thing obviously need to be left alone. I don’t really need to listen to the same song again by another artist. Covers are rarely ever good. Just stick to the originals. Yeah, we don’t really need that Joe Tex song around, it’s kind of mean-spirited and offensive to heavy women. He wouldn’t get away with a song like that today. And of course Captain & Tenille making music on par with a cheap PBS preschool special. Things like this make me glad I didn’t grow up in the 70’s. As for the best list, lot of classics. Star Wars was so big that both the original orchestral movie version and a disco remix charted in the same year. The original is easily the better version and the best hit of the year, I agree with you there. The rest of the list is great as well. ’78 we finally get the huge disco explosion that everyone associates with this decade. Will be interesting to see what your worst list will look like. Pretty much agreed with this list.

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  3. On the topic of Rita Coolidge, I never expected you to use the potato salad joke again after reacting to Taylor Swift’s desecration of September. About this cover, this trend of white artists taking music from popular black artists and the covers being more popular than the originals has been bugging me for quite a while, especially when you take a song that has lots of soul and strip it down to a shell of its former self.

    I knew looking at the title of that Joe Tex song that it was gonna be something bad, and boy, did it not kid me. I don’t like songs that send a bad message, and this song is no different. One song that I know that shows big women in a positive light is Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) from MIKA. That song has a nice groove, and does not resort to much skinny-shaming like a certain song out there.

    On the Best List, Carry On Wayward Son, Barracuda, Fly Like An Eagle, and even Dancing Queen and the Rocky theme, plus Somebody To Love and Hotel California in the HMs is very agreeable. Also, I knew you were gonna put the Star Wars theme at the top of the list, because I know you’re a big fan. (Sorry if I was complaining!)

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  4. Yeah it may have seemed impossible for 1977 to live up to the greatness of 1976 but I thought 77 was still a great year nonetheless.1977 is my second favorite year for 70s music and another one of my favorite years for music with a lot of the variety from 76 remaining giving us another round of great classic hits. 1977 is one of my favorite pop culture years next to 1984 with a lot of great movies coming out this year from Star Wars to Close Encounters of the Third Kind to Saturday Night Fever. 77 was especially a great year for rock with the arena rock scene peaking along with the punk revolution gaining steam and the early grounds of new wave being planted. Aside from the music, 1977 also holds a lot of significance for me since this was the year my mom graduated high school, worked at Shea Stadium (now Citi Field), started college at the same university I’m going to now, and most importantly started dating my dad for seven years before marrying in 1984 and recently celebrated 34 years of marriage. As someone living outside NYC and have parents who grew up in Queens, 77 was one of the most turbulent year for the city with one of the hottest summer ever, Son of Sam killings, summer citywide blackout that led to a lot of looting and fires. Yet despite all that, there was so much musical activity with the punk rock/new wave scene happening at CBGB’s in Lower Manhattan, Studio 54 disco nightclub opening in Midtown and hip hop starting up in the Bronx. My mom once told me about being in Studio 54 and my dad told me about seeing The Ramones, The Police and others at the CBGB nightclub along with seeing a lot of the other rock acts of the time. There’s photo albums my dad has of the many concerts he went too back then including Rush. It’s always cool to look at them and imagine what it felt like to see these acts in their prime. I also look a lot at family photo albums from the 70s along with my parents high school and college yearbooks and love seeing how my family and everything looked back then. It makes the 70s feel more real to me than from what I see on TV, movies and documentaries.
    You Made Me Believe in Magic- dull
    Lost Without Your Love- boring
    I Like Dreaming- you like dreaming and what? Another sappy ballad
    Don’t Give Up On Us- funny comparison. Boring
    Torn Between Two Lovers- sappy
    Jeans On- the beat is nice but it was only good for a commercial not as an actual charting hit
    That’s Rock n’ Roll/Da Doo Run Run- I’ll stick with the original version of these songs cause Shaun Cassidy’s covers sound like those cheap singalongs they do on kids and family shows
    Higher and Higher- I’ll stick to the Jackie Wilson original. This version isn’t really bad but just doesn’t have the soulfulness of he original
    Ain’t Gonna Bump No More- one of the most disgusting songs to ever be a hit. People were really into fat shaming in 1977 I guess cause there’s no way a song like this can get big now. I can imagine President Trump using this song to form his opinion on fat women.
    Muskrat Love- I thought it was a joke when I heard about this song and what is was about. A song about muskrats in love, seriously!? I laugh every time I listen to this. The fact that play this song with a straight face without any sense of self awareness of how ridiculous the premise is really funny. Those synth sounds imitating muskrats are really annoying especially when they fade out at the end. There’s a funny story I read where Captain and Tennille performed this song at the White House when Queen Elizabeth visited with President Gerald Ford in July 1976 and the Queen fell asleep during this song. Even the Queen knew how much this duo sucked.

    Agree with a lot of your best list. My number one song(s) for 1977 would have been tied between Star Wars Theme and Hotel California. Easy is my family friend’s favorite song to play on the piano. Every time we go to his house, he always finds time to play that song and I recently learned it on piano myself. I saw the Steve Miller Band with my family over a year ago on Long Island and he’s still got it in his 70s playing his hits like Fly Like an Eagle. I sent this list to my aunt and she mentioned how there were some ridiculously sappy songs this year along with it being big on teen idols and variety show acts. But she said there was a great amount of rock music that came out in this time.

    What are your opinion on the following songs?
    Enjoy Yourself by The Jacksons
    Jet Airliner by Steve Miller Band
    Rich Girl by Hall and Oates
    Telephone Line by ELO
    Rich Girl by Hall and Oates
    Night Moves by Bob Seger
    New Kid in Town by Eagles
    Heard it in a Love Song by Marshall Tucker Band
    Float On by The Floaters (I find it really funny)
    Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac
    Do you prefer the original version of Walk This Way or the Run-DMC version? (I like them both equally but prefer the original)

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    1. Good, good, good, good, good, okay, okay, bad, good.

      In terms of Walk This Way, while I do like both versions, I prefer the Run-DMC version mainly because it’s the version I heard the most and I am a big hip-hop fan.

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      1. Same with me on why I prefer the original more. I hear that version the most and I’m a big rock fan. But I do appreciate the Run-DMC version for helping to bridge racial barriers in music, making hip hop popular in the mainstream, and reviving Aerosmith’s career.

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  5. Another year of the 70s, another pair of lists where I don’t have a single disagreement. Man, the 70s might just be the most agreeable in terms of the music quality of its songs, if that makes any sense. Also, in regards to Ain’t Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman), I have a special hatred for this song because……well, let me take you back to when I was 13. We had *finally* gotten rid of our crappy dial-up and got high speed internet. Not long after, I discovered the vast world of internet porn. Unfortunately, since I didn’t know about history clearing back then, I got caught and had my PC access restricted for a few days. Even worse, when they caught me, they discovered that the women from said porn sites were, shall we say, BBW. Because of this, my dad started teasing me saying that I like bigger women and making several fat jokes any chance he gets. Then, one day, on their way home from somewhere (I forget where, I think it might’ve been the grocery store), my dad heard that song and now any chance he gets, he uses that song whenever he can in his teases about me on that subject, and keep in mind: my dad is the type of person who doesn’t know when to quit when you tell him to fucking quit and will just keep egging and egging and fucking EGGING. I still get teased about it (with occasional references to the song) to this day. So not only is the song just plain godawful, now I have a personal vendetta against it. Just goddamn wonderful. Fuck you, dad.

    Anomalies:

    Worst:

    Alice Cooper – I Never Cry
    The Floaters – Float On
    BJ Thomas – Don’t Worry Baby (and also your thoughts on the Beach Boys original from 1964, which I actually think is pretty good. Yeah, I guess we weren’t done with bad songs associated with the Beach Boys like we thought after all.)

    Best:

    Hall & Oates – Rich Girl
    Fleetwood Mac – Go Your Own Way
    Foreigner – Cold As Ice
    ABBA – Knowing Me, Knowing You
    Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band – Night Moves

    Oh, one more thing: the Barbra Streisand song is My Heart Belongs To Me, not My Heart Is Gone (which is funny because, much like the amount of soul David Soul has, would also describe the current White House administration).

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    1. Wow. Your dad seems like an asshole. No offense.

      As for the anomalies, here we go: bad, bad, meh, good, good, good, okay, good.

      Also, I think Car Wash is okay.

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