Worst Songs List

Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 1962

I think it’s safe to say that 1962 is the weakest year for 60s pop music, which is saying something when you compare it to 1960 and 1961. The most notable thing about this time period is that for a time, the public were obsessed with the Twist to the point where Chubby Checker’s signature hit re-charted. About 1/10th of the songs on this YE list either has the word “twist” in it or mentions the twist in some way. People were just twisting across the USA. Let’s start the list.

1962

10.

Image result for i wish that we were married

We start off with a slow doo-wop number. More specifically, Ronnie & The Hi-Lites with I Wish That We Were Married. The group is lead by a 14 year old Ronnie Goodson who isn’t ready to sit at the adults table. As you can see from the title, this song is Ronnie wanting to be married. Now I know he was 14 at the time the song was released, but he’s being naive when it comes to the idea of marriage. It takes a lot of commitment and compromise that I’m not sure this kid is ready for. Wanting to stay together forever isn’t enough.

9.

Image result for sealed with a kiss brian hyland

And we’re back to Brian Hyland, the dude behind Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. While that song is interestingly bad, Sealed With A Kiss is the opposite extreme where it’s bad in the most boring way possible. This is a cover to the 1960 song of the same title by the Four Voices. In the song itself, a guy promises to write letters to his girl through the summer that’s sealed with a kiss, whatever that means. My main issue with this song is in the sound. The instrumentation is pretty much a reflection of the most sleep-inducing parts of the 60s. It sounds like a friggin’ lullaby.

8.

Image result for joey dee shout

One of the Isley Brothers’ earliest hits was Shout and it’s a classic guaranteed to get you moving on your feet. Then the guys behind Peppermint Twist, Joey Dee & The Starliters, did a cover and became a bigger hit. And it’s as whitewashed as you can imagine. Instead of the stomping gospel-esque sound that the Isley Brothers brought, Joey Dee & The Starliters replaced it with a horribly-mixed mess that fails to match the energy of the original. Seriously, the mixing of this track is horrible. It’s like they were just bashing their instruments to sound hype when it isn’t. I don’t even need to tell you to skip this one and listen to the original, do I?

7.

Time to finally talk about Neil Sedaka, one of the blandest artists in existence who managed to have a good number of hits under his belt. One of those hits is Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. On a writing scale, it’s a generic break up song where Sedaka wants the girl to stay with him. There’s also the upbeat music, which contradicts the content in terms of tone. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if the music was at least good, but it wasn’t. It was that safe pseudo-doo-wop that was flooding the airwaves at the time. There’s also this:

Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down

Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down

Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down

Comma, comma, down dooby doo down

It repeats throughout most of the song and it gets annoying. Sedaka re-recorded Breaking Up Is Hard To Do as a ballad in 1975 and that also became a hit. As you can guess, both versions suck for different reasons.

6.

Image result for cotton fields highwaymen

In my last list, I mentioned that The Highwaymen did a cover to a song called Cotton Fields. Well, here’s that exact song and we’re gonna talk about it. Originally, this was a song by blues musician Lead Belly recorded in 1940 about working in the cotton fields. This might or might not have took place during slavery times, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did. Anyways, the Highwaymen covered this song and made it a slow acoustic guitar song that might as well be background music. Also, you expect me to believe that these dudes…

Image result for the highwaymen

… know what working in cotton fields is like? Not saying you can’t do a song about other people’s experiences, but for goodness sake, look at them. They look like country club prep boys whose rich parents bought their way to college. I take that back because I’m just being an asshole, but their version of Cotton Fields still suck.

5.

Image result for eddie hodges girls girls girls

Remember Eddie Hodges with the annoying voice? Well, here he is making his second consecutive appearance on a list like this with (Girls, Girls, Girls) Made To Love. I was planning on doing a Target Practice on this song, but I think now is the perfect time to tear into it. Written by Phil Everly of the Everly Brothers, this song is a father talking to his son and giving him advice about girls and it reeks of sexism. Girls were made to love? You do know they’re human, right? Not objects custom-made for you. If this kid really took his father’s advice, it’s not going to end well for him. This is the makings of a future MRA or incel.

4.

Image result for johnny get angry

And we move from one song with disturbing context to another. This is Johnny Get Angry by Joanie Sommers. Looking at the title, I thought this was going to be about an impulsive man child who can’t keep his temper in check, but it wasn’t. Instead, we get a song about a guy who’s a complete pushover dating a girl who wants him to be more aggressive by constantly testing him and pushing his buttons. It reminds me a bit of Dear Future Husband as they both push toxic gender roles. In this case, where the manly man is in charge of everything while the woman doesn’t talk back while she’s fixing him a sandwich. It mistakes submissiveness for love, which it isn’t. Well, this was released in 1962 and by that point, the 50s technically didn’t end. Still doesn’t make this song less horrible.

3.

Image result for speedy gonzales pat boone

Pat Boone did a song named after Speedy Gonzales. A Looney Tunes character who may or may not be a racial stereotype of Mexicans depending on who you ask. Fuck. Well, here’s Speedy Gonzales, a song originally made by David Dante in 1961. Because ruining black music wasn’t good enough, Pat Boone thought the next logical step is shitting on a Mexican cultural icon. And he did so with a smile on his face while going through many bottom-of-the-barrel stereotypes associated with Mexicans. And he got help from Robin Ward, the annoying female voice who sings “la-la-la-la-la” and doesn’t have a Mexican bone in her body, and Mel Blanc doing the Speedy Gonzales voice. You read that right. Mel Blanc, one of the greatest voice actors to have ever lived. What did they bribe him with to get him on this record? This song is an insult to Mexicans, our ears, and most importantly, the character it’s named after. At least this is the last hit Pat Boone will ever have, so we can rest on that at least.

2.

Image result for ahab the arab ray stevens

Ahab The Arab. This is a real song. And Arab is pronounced AY-RAB because it rhymes with Ahab. And this crime against humanity comes from our old friend Ray Stevens. *sigh* The overall joke in Ahab The Arab goes like this: Arabian people are weird and talk funny. The music actually used stock Arabian-sounding music because why the fuck not. Every stereotype of Arabian people you can think of, it’s in this song. Hell, Ray Stevens even does the gibberish fake Arabian talk and all I could do is just sink in my chair with embarrassment. This shit is not funny at all, it’s shameful. This is the mindset of someone whose only exposure to Arabian culture was through Aladdin (I know this came out before the movie, but don’t ruin the joke). This and the previous song are so racist, Donald Trump called them the best songs he’s ever heard. And there’s only one song that’s worse. That’s concerning.

And now, here are some dishonorable mentions.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

  • Dee Dee Sharp-Mashed Potato Time/Gravy (For My Mashed Potatoes)
  • Bobby Vinton-Roses Are Red (My Love)
  • Gene Chandler-Duke Of Earl
  • Chubby Checker-Slow Twistin’
  • Johnny Tillotson-It Keeps Right On A-Hurtin’
  • Joey Dee & The Starliters-Peppermint Twist
  • Jay & The Americans-She Cried
  • Gary U.S. Bonds-Dear Lady Twist/Twist, Twist Senora
  • The Four Seasons-Sherry
  • The Duprees-You Belong To Me
  • Paul Anka-Love Me Warm And Tender
  • Dick & Dee Dee-Tell Me

And finally, the worst song of 1962 IS…..

drum roll

1.

Image result for dickie lee patches

Initially, I was struggling to choose the number one spot for this list between Speedy Gonzales and Ahab The Arab. But they both cancelled each other out and one song reigned at the top, Patches by Dickey Lee. So how could this be worse than two songs that are filled with racism? Well, for one, the music is lifeless and limp, generating a cold, emotionless feeling. But this is contradicted by the other thing: this is a teen tragedy song in the same vein as Moody River. The story of the song goes like this: a guy from a well-off family falls in love with a girl named Patches from the poor side of town, but his parents forbid him from going out with Patches, so he doesn’t pursue a date with her. As a result, she commits suicide because she thought he didn’t love her. When he finds out the news of her death, how does he react?

Patches, oh what can I do
I swear I’ll always love you
It may not be right
But I’ll join you tonight
Patches I’m coming to you

…………………………………………….

…………………………………………….

…………………………………………….

Where do I begin? First off, I refuse to believe that this teenage boy didn’t rebel against his parents when they told him not to go out with Patches. He just says, “okay,” which removes any conflict in the story. Also, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: HE’S GONNA KILL HIMSELF IN ORDER TO BE WITH THIS GIRL!! I… I am baffled right now. This is horrible. This is one of the worst messages you could’ve ever left in a song. People, this isn’t cool. No person is worth killing yourself over, no matter who they are. That will only cause more damage in the long run. This, in a nutshell, is what makes this song worse than the previous two because of the way it fumbles its message and ends up having horrifying implications when you think about them. Congratulations to Patches for being the worst song of 1962.

So those were the worst songs of 1962. In two weeks, BACK TO THE 60s continues with the Worst Songs of 1963.

1962.png

Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Respect-Aretha Franklin (R.I.P.)

13 thoughts on “Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 1962

  1. The only disagreement I have is Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, I just don’t think it’s that bad and while Neil Sedaka isn’t that great of an artist, I don’t mind him here or in a couple of other songs. I found the song kind of catchy. ’62 was probably the worst year of the 60’s, barely beating out the first two years. Over half of the songs were twist songs and dance crazes, while the other half were more boring ballads and novelty songs. I Wish We Were Married is lame. Seal With A Kiss is another boring ballad. Shout and Cotton Fields both do a disservice to really great black music and are awful covers. Heck, all of the Highwaymen’s and Joey Dee and The Starlites’ songs suck ass. Eddie Hodges is a child actor that had no business being on the mike. This is a bunch of teen idol crap and really idiotic, stereotypical about girls. Women aren’t sex objects, this would definitely not fly in this era. Johnny Get Angry is a crappy song. And really? Seeing someone angry turns you on? Fuck outta here. I really thought Speedy Gonzalez and Ahab The Arab would be your top two worst as they’re both extremely racially insensitive towards Mexican and middle Eastern people, but your #1 makes sense. Seriously, killing yourself because your love died? Wtf? Move on. You’re ending your life and a chance to make something of yourself and hurting your loved ones simply because you want to be with your dead girlfriend (which even if the afterlife, there’s no guarantee you’ll see her), it’s probably the worst thing you could do. There’s other women out there, start over. If you don’t value your life, you have a real problem and should get help. In any case, this was a very deserving list. The early 60’s truly did suck. Great job as always.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Listening to the 1962 year end list, I was amazed at how many dance craze songs were popular. All of the viral dances we have popular today are nothing compared to what they had in 1962. I was also amazed with how many of the songs this year sounded so similar to each other using the same chord progressions and keys. Aside from the dances, we had the same cheesy doo-wop and lovey-dovey crap that has plagued the early 60s. Aside from a few classics, the 60s so far have been very mediocre for pop music almost like the way it is today.

    I Wish That We Were Married- really dull and do you expect me to take this kid singing about marriage seriously

    Sealed With A Kiss- more lovey-dovey schlock

    Shout- you’re not kidding the mixing on this song is really terrible even for early 60s standards. I’ll easily stick with the Isley Brothers original as that song makes me want to get up and shout instead of this weak cover

    Breaking Up Is Hard To Do- really stupid and cheesy. This song is a good representation for everything I don’t like about early 60s pop music.

    Cotton Fields- boring

    (Girls, Girls, Girls) Made to Love- this song makes me grateful that we no longer live in an era where women are just seen as objects made to love men

    Johnny Get Angry- Really cheesy especially with those kazoos but aside from that and the premise it’s just dull

    Speedy Gonzales- Very racist and annoying. I think I know now where Elton John got the inspiration for that la la la bit he does on Crocodile Rock

    Ahah the Arab- what were the music buying public of 1962 thinking in making his atrocity a hit? I have the same feeling of embarrassment that you do when I listen to this. Thankfully, if a song like this got released today than it would be getting the backlash it deserves.

    Patches- aside from the disturbing implications I find it boring

    Agree with your dishonorable mentions except for Sherry. I find it fun to sing along to even if Frankie Valli’s falsetto can get very grating but it’s not as bad here compared to their other songs like Big Girls Don’t Cry which sucked. I don’t hate The Four Seasons as much as other people do despite Valli’s falsetto and I saw the Jersey Boys musical on Broadway with my parents when I was 11 so admittedly I do like some of their songs out of childhood nostalgia.

    Agree with your best list. Green Onions is easily my favorite of the instrumentals that charted in this era for how cool it sounds.

    What are your opinions on the following songs?
    Please Mr. Postman by The Marvelettes
    The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens
    Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett
    Big Girls Don’t Cry by The Four Seasons
    He’s a Rebel by The Crystals
    Telstar by The Tornados
    Stranger on the Shore by Acker Bilk
    Johnny Angel by Shelley Fabares
    Soldier Boy by The Shirelles
    Baby It’s You by The Shirelles
    Hey! Baby by Bruce Channel
    Sheila by Tommy Roe
    The Wah Watusi by The Orlons
    Let’s Dance by Chris Montez
    Surfin Safari by The Beach Boys
    Shout! Shout! (Knock Yourself Out) by Ernie Marcesa
    Something’s Got a Hold on Me by Etta James (song sampled in Flo Rida’s Good Feeling)

    Speaking of The Twist, what do you think of the song being named Billboard’s All Time Number One Song?

    And here are the lists I made for 2002
    Best Hit Songs of 2002
    1)Lose Yourself by Eminem
    2)Butterflies by Michael Jackson
    3)Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson
    4)A Woman’s Worth by Alicia Keys
    5)The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
    6)Complicated by Avril Lavigne
    7)Without Me/Cleaning Out My Closet by Eminem
    8)Don’t Let Me Get Me/Just Like a Pill by P!nk
    9)A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton
    10)In the End by Linkin Park
    Honorable Mentions
    Foolish by Ashanti
    Hot In Herre by Nelly
    U Got it Bad by Usher
    All You Wanted by Michelle Branch
    Get the Party Started by P!nk
    Whenever, Wherever by Shakira
    Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow
    A Moment Like This by Kelly Clarkson
    Can’t Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue
    Halfcrazy by Musiq Soulchild
    Hella Good/Underneath It All ft. Lady Saw by No Doubt
    The Whole World by OutKast ft. Killer Mike
    Rollout (My Business) by Ludacris
    Here is Gone by Goo Goo Dolls
    Rock the Boat by Aaliyah
    Standing Still by Jewel
    Full Moon by Brandy
    Hands Clean by Alanis Morissette
    Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne
    Long Time Gone by Dixie Chicks
    Like I Love You by Justin Timberlake ft. Clipse

    Worst Hit Songs of 2002
    1)One Last Breath by Creed
    2)How You Remind Me by Nickelback
    3)Hey Baby by No Doubt ft. Bounty Killer
    4)Always on Time by Ja Rule ft. Ashanti
    5)Just a Friend 2002 by Mario
    6)Oops (Oh My) by Tweet ft. Missy Elliot
    7)Gotta Get Thru This by Daniel Bedingfield
    8)Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
    9)Hero by Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott
    10)What’s Luv by Fat Joe ft. Ja Rule and Ashanti
    Dishonorable Mentions
    Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
    Ain’t It Funny by Jennifer Lopez ft. Ja Rule and Caddillac Tah
    My Sacrifice by Creed
    Wasting My Time by Default
    Oh Boy by Cam’ron ft. Juelz Santana
    Girlfriend by *NSYNC
    Down 4 U by Ja Rile ft. Ashanti, Vita and Charli Baltimore
    Superman (It’s Not Easy) by Five for Fighting
    Lights, Camera, Action! by Mr. Cheeks
    Still Fly by The Big Tymers
    What About Us? by Brandy
    Rainy Dayz by Mary J. Blige ft. Ja Rule
    Good Morning Beautiful by Steve Holy
    Uh Huh by B2K

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Okay, meh, good, bad, okay, good, okay, bad, okay, okay, good, okay, good, okay, meh, okay, good.

      “Speaking of The Twist, what do you think of the song being named Billboard’s All Time Number One Song?”

      Pure ambivalence. There’s better songs, there’s worse songs. I’m not surprised Billboard chose one of the safest songs out of who knows how many throughout history.

      Both of your 2002 lists are good, though I do like Lights, Camera, Action.

      Like

      1. Thanks and I agree with your opinion on The Twist being named Billboard’s all time number one song. There’s much worse songs on the list that could have been number one but it also wasn’t deserving of it at the same time especially when you have songs like Uptown Funk and Smooth in the Top 5. I think The Twist is fun for a dance song and Chubby Checker does have a unique singing voice but outside of starting all the dance crazes of the early 60s I don’t see what other impact that song made since. I don’t hear The Twist being played much at weddings, family events, or on oldie stations and playlists. The only time I can remember The Twist being played outside of the 60s was during a scene in Mad Men where the characters are dancing to the song since that episode took place in 1960.

        Also what do you think of Do You Love Me by The Contours? And what’s your advice on making these song lists?

        Like

      2. Do You Love Me is one of my favorite songs of all time. As for advice on making lists, I don’t know. I guess I would say craft them based on what you think and believe and don’t be too concerned about other people’s opinions.

        Like

  3. Only real disagreement is Sherry. Honestly, I’ve found Frankie Valli’s voice to be more of an acquired taste, even with that shrill falsetto thing he does, at least that’s the case for me. Plus, I just like the nice swing it has going for it. Apart from that, no real disagreements. Honestly, I actually found ’62 better than both ’60 and ’61, but that’s not saying much given that it’s still incredibly unremarkable.

    Anomalies:

    Worst:

    Johnny Crawford – Cyndi’s Birthday
    Jimmy Soul – Twistin’ Matilda
    Sue Thompson – Norman
    The Beach Boys – Surfin’ Safari

    Best:

    Mr. Acker Bilk – Stranger On The Shore
    Connie Francis – Don’t Break The Heart That Loves You
    Burl Ives – A Little Bitty Tear
    Billy Vaughn & His Orchestra – A Swingin’ Safari

    Like

  4. I’m curious what your thoughts on these songs are: Johnny Angel by Shelley Fabares (a song I’m surprised didn’t make your worst list), Dream Baby (How Long Must I Dream) by Roy Orbison, Love Letters by Ketty Lester, and You Beat Me to the Punch by Mary Wells.

    Like

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