Worst Songs List

Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 1969

So much has happened in 1969. We landed on the Moon, Nixon was sworn in as President, and in terms of music, there was Woodstock, the Beatles held their last public performance before they eventually split up, Elvis made his comeback after doing movies for most of the decade, and a Rolling Stones concert at Alamont ended in a fan being stabbed to death by a member of the Hell’s Angels (who were hired to be security at the event). At this point, things started to slow down for the counterculture. All of the big music trends like rock, psychedelia, and folk were still popular, but the stage was set for a transition into the 70s. Our journey through the 60s is nearly over, so let go through the worst that 1969 had to offer.

1969

10.

Image result for dizzy tommy roe

The 60s had no shortage of happy, sunshiny pop music and Dizzy by Tommy Roe is no exception. I don’t mind these type of songs, but it’s unfortunate that this particular song sucks. It’s another dopey love song that’s so sugarcoated that it could have been sold by Nestle.

Dizzy
I’m so dizzy, my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool, it never ends
And it’s you, girl, making it spin
You’re making me dizzy

Ugh. So cliche. Another problem with the song is the music. Now, I like a good, well-executed key change, but this song built on key changes and it fucks up the whole vibe. Key changes are usually saved for the final chorus and they make the song more epic or exciting and they enhance the mood that’s crafted. In Dizzy, none of that happens because a key change is happening on every chorus. It’s like an action movie where it’s all action and you don’t care about the characters, the story, or there’s no real stakes. You just tune out.

9.

Ladies and gentlemen, the best selling single from Tommy James And The Shondells, Crimson And Clover. You know? As bad as Hanky Panky was, it was at least bad in the most absurd way, like I can’t believe anyone would make a song like that. Crimson And Clover is just boring. I never thought that was possible with psychedelia, but this song proved me wrong because this instrumentation is really dull and it sounds muddy. Whoever was the engineer must have been stoned like hell during the recording process. And the writing is also a mess. I guess it’s about a girl, but most of it repeats the phrase “crimson and clover” like that makes up for it. You’re better off skipping this one.

8.

Image result for oliver jean

Next is a song from Oliver. Yep. That’s his stage name, just Oliver. Anyways, this is Jean, the theme song to the 1969 film The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie. What we have is yet another boring ballad with acoustic guitars and a harp and generic love song lyrics that might as well have been written in the 50s. This was a number 2 hit and it feels so out of place the year it was released. I could see it fit 1961 or something, but not 1969. Skip this one, too.

7.

Yep. We’re talking about this group again. 1910 Fruitgum Company, which sounds like the name of a literal company. Well, here’s their final hit (thank every god in existence), Indian Giver. That title, plus the artwork above, does not give off a good sign. Setting aside how racially insensitive it is given the times, what the fuck is Indian giver in this situation? Do they just have an indigenous person by their side that they give to someone else? Oh, brother, the implications that might come out of that scenario. While this song isn’t as childish as Simon Says and 1, 2, 3 Red Light, it’s still really stupid, generic, and manufactured. In other words, this ain’t it, chief.

6.

Oh, look who’s showed up again. Ray Stevens. And he has another “comedy” song to bring us with Gitarzan, the title being a fusion of guitar and Tarzan. Here’s the premise of the song: Tarzan decides to play guitar and form a band. Yeah, that sounds like a cartoon pitch from a studio executive from the 80s who injected horse tranquilizers into both of their butt cheeks. Throughout the whole song, Ray Stevens just acts like a complete jackass as he imitates Tarzan, Jane, and their pet monkey and it is annoying. The instrumentation is also lazy, playing the same piano notes, some sloppy drum and guitar work, and an awkward horns section. This is one jungle creature that should remain extinct. Me Tarzan, you lazy hack comedian/music artist.

5.

Oh, great. It’s Lou Christie again. You know, the guy who wants to be Frankie Valli so badly. He’s back, this time with I’m Gonna Make You Mine. Only good things can come from this *sarcasm*. To be fair, Lou doesn’t do his falsetto that much in this song, which makes it more tolerable to listen to than his other songs. But there’s still an issue with the writing, which depicts him as a creepy ass stalker who doesn’t know the meaning of personal boundaries and won’t quit until he wears this girl’s skin as a coat.

I’ll try every trick in the book
With every step that you take, everywhere that you look
Just look and you’ll find
I’ll try to get to your soul, I’ll try to get to your mind

I’m gonna make you mine
I know I’ll never give up, I’m at the end of my rope
From the morning till suppertime, you’ll find
I’ll be waiting in line, I’ll be waiting in line

I’m gonna make you mine (baby, I’m gonna make you mine)
Make you mine, I’m gonna make you mine
Baby, I’m gonna make you mine, I’m gonna make you mine

Seriously, dude. You’re the reason restraining orders exist. It’s also nice to see that you view this woman as a trophy to be won rather than an autonomous human being. Truly the workings of an incel.

4.

Remember Bobby Sherman? The dude who made that sappy ass song Julie, Do Ya Love Me? Well, before that, he made this song Little Woman. This song is awful for one reason: the writing. In this song, Bobby is trying to convince some little woman (why doe she have to be little) to leave her world behind and go with his instead. Because that doesn’t sound entitled or possessive. In no way does that sound like someone who’s been spoiled their entire lives and feels as if the world owes them something. Why should she go with you? For all we know, you could be holding her back. Screw this nonsense.

3.

When you ask “what’s the worst that could happen,” you kinda jinxed yourself because what will follow afterwards is the worst that could happen. Anyways, Johnny Maestro & The Brooklyn Bridge with The Worst That Could Happen. It’s about a guy who sees the girl that he loves get married to another man. He accepts this because he made the choice to not tie the knot. Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad. He let the one slip and he accepts the outcome of his choice. But then there’s this.

And baby if he loves you more than me
And baby if he loves you more than me
Maybe it’s the best thing
Maybe it’s the best thing for you
But it’s the worst that could happen to me

Really, dude? The worst that could happen to you? I can understand saying this about something like losing your job or a loved one passed away or if you’re diagnosed with cancer, but losing out on a girl? Enough with the melodramatic bullshit. All this does is paint you as a whiny little child who didn’t get his way. That line alone kills any sincerity you had with the rest of the song. The worst that could happen? Not really, but we’re still left with another shitty song.

2.

Because making one song involving underaged girls wasn’t good enough, Gary Puckett & The Union decided to make another one. This is This Girl Is A Woman Now, a song about a girl who has become a woman. It’s not exactly clear what they mean by that because it could mean anything. Did she hit puberty or has she reached the legal age limit?

This girl is a woman now
She’s learned how to give
This girl is a woman now
She’s found out what it’s all about
And she’s learning, learning to live

She learned how to give. Give what? Love? Attention? Money? Kitty cat?

This girl tasted love as tender as the gentle dawn
She cried a single tear a teardrop that was sweet and warm
Our hearts told us we were right
And on that sweet and velvet night
A child had died, a woman had been born

Okay, now I know what they’re talking about. It’s this dude having sex with an underaged girl and declaring her a woman that night. Pardon me if I have the urge to vomit, but this is just gross. Time to burn this pedo song right now with fire and make sure it doesn’t lay eggs.

Image result for flamethrower gif

And now, here are some dishonorable mentions

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

  • Andy Kim-Baby, I Love You
  • The Lettermen-Hurts So Bad
  • Mercy-Love (Can Make You Happy)
  • Oliver-Good Morning Starshine
  • Spiral Staircase-I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
  • Donovan-Atlantis
  • The Checkmates Ltd.-Black Pearl
  • New Colony Six-Things I’d Like To Say
  • Flying Machine-Smile A Little Smile For Me
  • The Cuff Links-Tracy

And finally, the worst song of 1969 IS…….

drum roll

1.

You know? I originally planned to have This Girl Is A Woman top this list, then I listened to this song and found something horrifying. Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town is a song that was originally recorded by Johnny Darrell in 1967. It was a Top 10 hit on the country charts, but two years later, Kenny Rogers & The First Edition did a cover that didn’t exactly light up the country charts, but it reached the Top 10 on the Hot 100. So why is this song number one on this list? Well, it sounds like your typical country song and Kenny Rogers doesn’t sound that bad, so let’s go to the writing. In this song, a war veteran who’s paralyzed from the waist down is pleading with his wife to not to go out to town because he’s afraid that she might be cheating on him with another man. Okay, that alone sounds tragic, but then there’s one line that changes the whole thing into something horrible.

And if I could move I’d get my gun and put her in the ground

WHOOOOOOOOOOOA!! You’re reading the same thing I am, right, folks? He actually considers murdering his own wife if he was able to walk because he thinks she’s going out getting some dick. I… no. Fuck this guy. Seriously. I don’t give a damn if you are a war veteran, there’s no justifiable reason for this line of thinking. If anything, his wife should leave his crippled ass because he’s one bad day away from snapping and she could end up in his crossfire and be another statistic. Or he might point the gun at himself and pull the trigger. Either way, someone’s gonna end up dead. Congratulations to Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town for being the worst song of 1969.

So those were the worst songs of 1969. On January 25 of next year, BACK TO THE 60s will conclude with the 100 Best Songs of the 60s. Look forward to that. Also, look forward to my Worst and Best of 2018 lists that are sure to come out this December.

1969.png

Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Everyday People-Sly & The Family Stone

6 thoughts on “Top 10 List: Worst Songs of 1969

  1. We’ve finally made it to the end of the 60s and what a wild ride it has been. The decade started with all the boring, samey-sounding leftovers of the 50s and now we’re getting a lot of cool new genres and some of the greatest songs and albums ever made. Also in 69, my hometown baseball team NY Mets won their first of two World Series and my Dad, growing up in Queens close to Shea Stadium, remembers rushing home from school to see the Mets play on TV since they would play their games during the day. Hope they can win another World Series soon. I don’t have much to say about your picks. They pretty much speak for themselves. Dizzy was cheesy and lame. Crimson and Clover, aside from being boring, is just plain weird especially that vocal effect they do on the key change that makes the guy sound like a robot. Jean was boring. Indian Giver is another stupid bubblegum pop song of the time only with Native American imagery. Gitarzan is another stupid novelty song from this guy. I actually saw him during my Nashville vacation in August when he got his star on the Music City Walk Of Fame along with Brenda Lee and a few other artists. When I heard about it, I couldn’t believe they were honoring the man behind all these stupid songs though apparently he’s been pretty big in the Nashville music business. I’m Gonna Make You Mine is better than his earlier songs but still mediocre. Worse That Could Happen was meh. Little Woman was meh. The Girl Is A Woman Now is another creepy song from this group. Ruby Don’t Take Your Love To Town is very stupid. Being a war veteran doesn’t make it right for you to kill someone on suspicions of cheating. And the performances are kinda boring.

    Another great best list though I’m not that crazy about Hawaii Five-O. It’s a fine enough TV theme but nothing special. Aside from that, they’re all great songs. Something/Come Together are my personal favorite songs of 1969 and are also in my top favorite Beatles songs. This was a cool, or to put it in 60s terms, groovy journey through the 60s. One thing I like about your decade series is that just when I thought I knew everything about these decades, there’s a lot more songs I didn’t know about that were just as popular as the songs I had known for all my life. Can’t wait for your Best Songs of the 60s! It’ll definitely be great. Also looking forward to your 2018 lists!

    Here are my lists I made for 1994 and 1995
    Best Hit Songs of 1994
    1)Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden
    2)Zombie by The Cranberries
    3)Longview by Green Day
    4)Loser by Beck
    5)Mary Jane’s Last Dance by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
    6)Keep Ya Head Up by 2Pac
    7)Gin and Juice/Who Am I (What’s My Name)? by Snoop Dogg
    8)Whatta Man by Salt-n-Pepa & En Vogue
    9)U.N.I.T.Y by Queen Latifah
    10)Hero by Mariah Carey
    Honorable Mentions
    The Sign by Ace of Base
    I Swear by All-4-One
    I’ll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men
    Stay (I Missed You) by Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
    Bump n’ Grind by R Kelly
    I’ll Remember/Secret by Madonna
    Wild Night by John Mellencamp ft. Meshell Ndegeocello
    Without You by Mariah Carey
    Can You Feel The Love Tonight by Elton John
    Fantastic Voyage by Coolio
    Regulate by Warren G ft. Nate Dogg
    Back And Forth by Aaliyah ft. R Kelly
    When Can I See You by Babyface
    Shine by Collective Soul
    Linger by The Cranberries
    Found Out About You by Gin Blossoms
    Streets of Philadelphia by Bruce Springsteen
    Endless Love by Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey
    Crazy/Amazing by Aerosmith
    Beautiful In My Eyes by Joshua Kadison
    Here Comes The Hotstepper by Ini Kamoze
    Love Sneakin Up On You by Bonnie Raitt
    Bop Gun (One Nation) by Ice Cube & George Clinton
    All Apologies by Nirvana
    Mr. Jones by Counting Crows
    Basket Case/Welcome To Paradise by Green Day

    Worst Hit Songs of 1994
    1)Indian Outlaw by Tim McGraw
    2)Tootsee Roll by 69 Boyz
    3)Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm by Crash Test Dummies
    4)Said I Loved You…But I Lied by Michael Bolton
    5)Never Lie by Immature
    6)I’ll Take You There by General Public
    7)Baby I Love Your Way by Big Mountain
    8)All I Wanna Do by Sheryl Crow
    9)All For Love by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart & Sting
    10)Now And Forever by Richard Marx
    Dishonorable Mentions
    If You Go by Jon Secada
    Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams
    Gangsta Lean by D.R.S.
    I Miss You by Aaron Hall
    I’m Ready/Always In My Heart by Tevin Campbell
    Understanding by Xscape
    Dreams by Gabrielle

    Best Hit Songs of 1995
    1)Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio ft. L.V.
    2)Dear Mama by 2Pac
    3)Waterfalls/Creep by TLC
    4)Fantasy by Mariah Carey
    5)Run-Around by Blues Traveler
    6)Big Poppa by The Notorious B.I.G.
    7)On Bended Knee by Boyz II Men
    8)Scream by Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson
    9)Interstate Love Song by Stone Temple Pilots
    10)Buddy Holly by Weezer
    Honorable Mentions
    Kiss From A Rose by Seal
    Don’t Take It Personal (Just One Of Dem Days) by Monica
    This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan
    Freak Like Me by Adina Howard
    I Can Love You Like by All-4-One
    Always/This Ain’t A Love Song by Bon Jovi
    Boombastic by Shaggy
    You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson
    Hold My Hand by Hootie & The Blowfish
    One More Chance by The Notorious B.I.G.
    Red Light Special by TLC
    December by Soul Collective
    Keep Their Heads Ringin’ by Dr. Dre
    Believe by Elton John
    Carnival by Natalie Merchant
    You Don’t Know How It Feels by Tom Petty
    Feel Me Flow by Naughty by Nature
    Every Day Of The Week by Jade
    No More I Love Yous by Annie Lennox
    I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need To Get By by Method Man ft. Mary J. Blige
    You Used To Love Me by Faith Evans
    1st Of Tha Month by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
    Misery by Soul Asylum
    When I Come Around by Green Day
    Lump by The Presidents of the United States of America

    Worst Hit Songs of 1995
    1)Short Dick Man by 20 Fingers ft Gillette
    2)Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex
    3)Come and Get Your Love by Real McCoy
    4)Total Eclipse of The Heart by Nicki French
    5)Player’s Anthem by Junior M.A.F.I.A.
    6)Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me by U2
    7)Constantly by Immature
    8)Back for Good by Take That
    9)I Live My Life For You by Firehouse
    10)Dream About You by Stevie B

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What are your thoughts on the following songs?
    Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations
    Hair by The Cowsills
    One by Three Dog Night
    Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond
    In The Ghetto by Elvis Presley
    A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash
    Wedding Bell Blues by The 5th Dimension
    Lay, Lady, Lay by Bob Dylan
    Mother Popcorn by James Brown
    Hooked On A Feeling by B.J. Thomas (like this version or the more popular cover from Blue Swede?)
    Na Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye by Steam
    Leaving On A Jet Plane by Peter Paul and Mary
    Someday We’ll Be Together by Diana Ross & The Supremes
    Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival
    Down On The Corner by Creedence Clearwater Revival
    Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones
    What do you think of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s cover of I Heard It Through The Grapevine? I first knew this song from their cover and I like it equally as the original

    Agree with Sugar Sugar. It’s not great and had no place being the biggest song of 1969 but I find it catchy and fun to sing along to.

    Like

    1. Okay, meh, okay, meh, okay, okay, good, good, good, okay (Blue Swede version is better), good, good, good, great, great, good, I think it’s good, but I still prefer the Marvin Gaye version.

      Like

  3. For those wondering about Sugar Sugar, I decided to leave it off the list because while I still think it’s not a good song, much worse exists. Compared to the songs that did make this list, it’s relatively harmless.

    Like

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