Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review

Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review: March 2019

Welcome back to another Hot 100 Top 40 Review where we look at the 40 most popular songs in the US as I’m typing this. Let’s get started.

BILLBOARD HOT 100 OF MARCH 16, 2019

#40. Envy Me-Calboy: Every month, there’s always at least one forgettable trap artist who notches a song on the charts and one of the more recent ones is Calboy with Envy Me. Honestly, there’s nothing to be envious about because this shit is boring. Dull trap beat, too much Auto-Tune, underwhelming hook, and generic bragging lyrics you’ve heard a million times before. Chances are when this song leaves the charts, it’ll be forgotten. I give it a 1/5.

#39. i-Lil Skies: From one trap artist to another. This time, we have Lil Skies with i. While it is better than most trap songs, it’s still not anything great. It’s Lil Skies talking about his personal problems and I honestly don’t care for it. Maybe it’s the drowsy beat or the Auto-Tuned performance. It’s not terrible, but I can’t get behind it, either. Go listen to Kendrick Lamar’s i instead of this. It’s a 2/5 for me.

#37. Girls Need Love (Remix)-Summer Walker & Drake: Because nobody learned anything from last year and the years before, we got ANOTHER song with Drake on it. Like a broken record. This is Girls Need Love, an indie R&B song that was released last year that got a remix with Drake because why the hell not. It’s about women wanting sex and love and it’s written in the woman’s perspective. That, in itself, is a good idea. The beat works for a moody R&B song and Summer Walker is an okay singer. But then there’s the beige elephant in the room, Drake. He did not need to be here. He’s only there because he’s a wave-rider who jumps on a song with anyone with a buzz to boost his ego increase their clout. Anyways, I give this song a 3/5.

#34. Robbery-Juice WRLD: You know? I get it. I get and understand why Juice WRLD is a thing. He appeals to a mostly teenage audience in the same way Simple Plan did. I bring that band up because they and Juice WRLD share similarities: most of their listeners are teenagers, they make melodramatic emo music, and their songwriting is terrible. Case in point, Robbery. It seems like Juice WRLD is hellbent on making his own version of Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me) because this is straight up awful. First off, the singing is TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE. Listen to this dude sing and tell me with a sincere face that it sounds good. You can’t. It clashes with the bright piano beat that’s been given. And equally as bad is the writing where Juice WRLD is whining about his ex and it features some of the most cringeworthy incel lyrics since All Girls Are The Same.

She told me put my heart in the bag (In the bag)
And nobody gets hurt (No hurt)
Now I'm running from her love, I'm not fast (Fast)
So I'm making it worse (Making it worse)
Now I'm digging up a grave, from my past
I'm a whole different person (I'm a whole different person)
It's a gift and a curse (It's a gift and a curse)
But I cannot reverse it
One thing my dad told me was, "Never let your woman know when you're insecure"
So I put Gucci on the fur
And I put my wrist on iceberg
One thing my heart tells me is
"Flex on a ho every time they're insecure"
I'm throwing rocks at your window, I need to go home
I don't wanna leave
I just wanna be with you
You, you, you

Seriously, what is this shit? Even the most dramatic emo bands of the 2000s would pass on something like this. There’s no way around it; Robbery sucks and it’s one of Juice WRLD’s worst songs ever. It might possibly be one of the worst songs of the decade. I give it a 1/5.

#17. Murder On My Mind-YNW Melly: The most buzz I’ve heard from YNW Melly is that as I’m typing this, he’s currently being charged for the murder of two of his best friends on some Uchiha shit (anime fans will get the reference). And because America loves glamorizing criminals, we have this in the Top 20, Murder On My Mind, which YNW Melly wrote while he was locked up and, funny enough, is about shooting a friend. Note: this song was made and released before the murders happened, so it’s not technically a confession, but damn, son. This could come back and bite you in the ass during the trial. That aside, how’s the rest of the song? Honestly, I don’t like it. I’m not a fan of the production, I don’t like the heavy Auto-Tune use, and the lyrics are mostly murder talk along with some bragging that kills the dark brooding atmosphere. It doesn’t do it for me overall. It’ll be interesting to see how his career pans out if he beats his case or if he becomes another Bobby Shmurda. My guess is that regardless of the outcome, YNW Melly is not going to have a long, fruitful career, given his rap sheet. I give Murder On My Mind a 1/5. It’s not for me.

#15. break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored-Ariana Grande: Next up is break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored, the last song on the thank u, next album, and boy, is it underwhelming. The beat is cool and the hook is catchy, but Ariana Grande is not doing her best performance here and in terms of the writing, the title speaks for itself. It’s the same premise as Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne and it’s just as cringeworthy. Funny enough, the music video portrays the girlfriend as Ariana Grande herself, which frames the whole thing as a “love yourself” message, which doesn’t match the song itself. I don’t know. The song is still mediocre at the end of the say. I give it a 2/5.

#3. Please Me-Cardi B & Bruno Mars: After Finesse became a huge hit, the next logical step was to recapture lightning in a bottle with Please Me. It’s another Bruno Mars and Cardi B collaboration with 90s R&B production. Let me say this, it’s not as good as Finesse, but I still like it. Instead of new jack swing, the production goes for a style similar to a lot of smooth ballads from the same time period, utilizing a sample of Freek’n You by Jodeci. And like Freek’n You, it’s a sex song and it works. Bruno Mars handles the chorus and bridge while Cardi B is on the verses and they both kill it. Maybe it’s because I’m currently doing a series looking back at 90s R&B, but I dig this song. I give it a 4/5.

#1. Sucker-Jonas Brothers: Well, fuck me sideways. We have a Jonas Brothers song on the charts in 2019. For those who haven’t been keeping up with pop culture in the late 2000s or was too young to remember, the Jonas Brothers were one of many manufactured pop acts created by Disney back when they were at their low point. They got a crap-ton of airplay on Radio Disney and before Justin Bieber, adolescent/teen girls loved them. I would know; I was in middle school when they were a thing and it annoyed me. Even back then, I never liked the Jonas Brothers, I always found their music bland and flavorless. This was at a time where I was done with Disney and this, plus Hannah Montana and a bunch of mediocre movies/TV shows, were part of the reason why. Anyways, the brothers took a hiatus to do solo work and got married. Now, they’re back and they managed to get a number one hit in Sucker. So how is it? Have the JoBros improved since the last time they were together? Well, it’s not bad, I’ll say that. But it’s not exactly an artistic evolution, either. It sounds like the same Radio Disney shit that they’ve always made. The music is simple, limp, and breezy, the vocals aren’t anything mind-blowing, and the writing is super basic. You couldn’t go more basic than this. This shit sounds like the soundtrack to a bad Disney Channel movie or sitcom. It’s bland, empty radio filler that’s only this successful because all of those prepubescent girls who went to Jonas Brothers concerts a decade ago have grown up and are now feeling nostalgic for those times. Those are the true suckers. I give this song a 2/5.

BEST

Please Me

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Girls Need Love

WORST

Robbery

DISHONORABLE MENTION

Murder On My Mind

And that was another Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review. Stay tuned next month when I do another. This week, I review Captain Marvel and the Hot R&B Singles Review of 1991. Look forward to those.

Peace!!

8 thoughts on “Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review: March 2019

  1. Envy Me- another forgettable trap song

    i- yet another forgettable trap song man we can’t catch a break from these

    Girls Needs Love- meh

    Robbery- oh my I can’t stand Juice WRLD’s singing and the whiny lyrics. I got no room for this.

    Murder On My Mind- another mediocre trap song but yeah this is not going to make this guy look good in his murder case

    break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored- It isn’t as bad as 7 Rings but its still mediocre coming from Ariana. While I’m hoppy she’s been having all this success including being the first artist since the Beatles to have the entire top three songs on the Hot 100, I just wish they were with better songs. Also I can’t help laughing at the title.

    Please Me- honestly I’m not really feeling this. Bruno and Cardi B once again perform well together and I dig the 90s R&B feel but it doesn’t have much replay value for me and isn’t nearly as fun, great, or memorable as Finesse was.

    Sucker- Being in elementary school during the late 2000s, I also remember how big The Jonas Brothers were with my friends and age group. Despite that, I never cared for their music or show despite their popularity mainly cause I was more of a Nickelodeon person growing up. As for Sucker, I think it’s just okay. I’m not crazy about it as others are but it’s fun and catchy and is at least a change from the music that’s currently dominating. I think with Sucker hitting number one we’re starting to experience early onset late-2000s nostalgia.

    Like

  2. I feel like the reason you don’t like Sucker is mainly because you don’t like the Jonas Brothers because this song really isn’t all that bad. Not great or a masterpiece, but a step above the crap they ever made as late 2000s teen idols (I didn’t like then back then, either). The song sounds fine. The merits in which it hit #1 are stupid, but i don’t mind it, it’s catchy. Feel like you were a bit harsh simply because you weren’t a fan. Then again, it’s your opinion. Agreed with everything else, though.

    Like

  3. Up until this month I had hope that the music industry was putting out better Material. But judging from the ratings the month of March sucked. I count six songs in the meh to pure crap territory. Maybe next month will give us some good songs but Trap musi has become cliched.

    Like

  4. 1. So more Drake and bad trap clogging up the billboard: generic billboard filler
    2. Given Ariana has disappointed you twice in a row, are there any 2019 hits you can find before the year ends?
    3. Cardi and Bruno teaming up again? This has yet to disappoint
    4. Given your extensive post on this new Jonas Brothers song, would you agree with me that the mid to late 2000’s were a miserable year for Disney? They seemed to be in a rut for the latter half of that decade

    Like

    1. 1. We’re in the middle of March. The year is still young, so I can’t really answer that question.

      2. Considering my review of the Post-Renaissance Disney films, the answer to that question should be obvious.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.