Target Practice

Target Practice: Juice WRLD “Robbery”

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. By now, I think I’ve said everything that needed to be said about Juice WRLD, a guy who blew up with a song that spoke to incels in the way it trash-talks an ex. This year, he released an album to mixed reviews, from what I’ve seen. Let me tell you, that shit was long and repetitive as this dude made 22 tracks of the same songs over and over. The sad part about all of this is that the dude is capable of making decent music if Lean Wit Me is any indication, but that’s not what’s giving him hits. No, it’s the shit where he’s whining about women, which is very telling of our culture. This brings us to today’s Target Practice, which is the leadoff single to Juice WRLD’s most recent album. This is Robbery.

Man, what? (Haha)
This shit funny
I was like-
Oof, this Hennessy strong as fuck, boy

On the contrary, this shit isn’t funny. No, I take that back. This is funny, but for all the wrong reasons as you’ll see.

She told me put my heart in the bag (In the bag)
And nobody gets hurt (No hurt)
Now I'm running from her love, I'm not fast (Fast)
So I'm making it worse (Making it worse)

So we’re doing this now, huh? You know, this shit was lame when Wham! did it for Last Christmas, it’s still lame here.

Now I'm digging up a grave, from my past
I'm a whole different person (I'm a whole different person)
It's a gift and a curse (It's a gift and a curse)
But I cannot reverse it

If you can’t reverse being a different person, why are you digging up a grave from your past? Maybe this song was originally titled Grave Robbery.

I can't reverse it
It was a gift and a curse
And now I'm drinkin' too much, so I'ma talk with a slur

I mean, that is what happens when you drink too much, your speech becomes incoherent.

Last time I saw you, it ended in a blur
I woke up in a hearse
You said, "You loved me first" (First)

Attempted murder or melodrama? You make the call.

One thing my dad told me was, "Never let your woman know when you're insecure"
So I put Gucci on the fur
And I put my wrist on iceberg
One thing my heart tells me is
"Flex on a ho every time they're insecure"

Never let your woman know when you’re insecure. Yeah, that won’t backfire at all. Also, “flex on a ho every time they’re insecure.” Nice to know that you’re an insensitive jackass.

I guess you came through, I'm running from you
Is your love for real? (For real? For real?)
Is your love really true?

Such middle school garbage. I have nothing else to say about this.

You gave me the runaround
I really hate the runaround
You really got me paranoid
I always keep a gun around
You always give me butterflies
When you come around
When you come around
When you come around

Worst cover of Michael Jackson’s Butterflies ever.

You let me know love is not the answer
Not the answer, not the answer
I love to do drugs so mind my manners
I get high when you don't decide to answer

Now I see your problem: you’d rather do drugs than work out a relationship. Why should I feel sorry for you again?

Phone home, I need to phone home
I'm throwing rocks at your window, I need to go home
I don't wanna leave
I just wanna be with you
You, you, you

Sweet buttery Moses. Get this meandering middle school bullshit out of here.

This song is a robbery of my time. I don’t think I even need to tell you the issues with this song. It speaks for itself. The sterile trap beat along with the delicate pianos make up the production, the singing is still terrible and no amount of passion could make it sound good, and the writing reeks of an odious man-child who still can’t get over his ex. This shit makes Simple Plan look less whiny in comparison. I know that comparison has been beaten to death, but it still applies. I’m sure the teens with very little problems in the world besides bad relationships will like this, but me, personally, I can’t vibe with it. Next Target Practice, …



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