Welcome to the first Billboard Hot 100 Top 40 Review of the 2020s. So, how is everyone doing so far? Me? I’m doing alright, living life, taking care of responsibilities, preparing for the future, that stuff. Seems like the rest of the world is doing just fine, if you discount that Australia’s on fire, Puerto Rico has been hit by multiple earthquakes, there’s a volcanic eruption in the Philippines, the President of the United States has increased tensions with Iran by assassinating their top general, listening to the people who want World War III, AND there’s a major election coming up and we’re still in the middle of January? Oh. This is going to be a LONG year. Anyways, let’s get started.
#40. What If I Never Get Over You-Lady Antebellum: We star off with Lady Antebellum and a song that’s been on the charts since May, What If I Never Get Over You. It’s a post-breakup country song that leans more into adult contemporary territory, but in a good way. It’s a simple song that works really well and I’m just glad to see more Lady Antebellum on the charts. I give it a 4/5.
#39. Blinding Lights-The Weeknd: Well, I’m happy to see this on the charts. After Heartless, The Weeknd released another single called Blinding Lights, which garnered universal praise. That praise is well-earned because this song is great. It’s another Weeknd song that leans towards that gothic synthwave sound with its synth and reverb-heavy production. This sound has always been The Weeknd at his most comfortable, so it’s no surprise that these wind up being some of his best material. I give Blinding Lights a 5/5.
#35. High Fashion-Roddy Ricch ft Mustard: So it seems like Roddy Ricch is the next rapper to blow up since he currently has both the number one album and the number one song in the country (we’ll get to the latter soon). Right now, let’s talk High Fashion. The song, not actual high fashion. Anyways, it’s a song where Roddy Ricch is buying all sorts of expense items for this one girl and it’s alright. The production ain’t that bad and Roddy Ricch is there. It’s an obvious crossover single, but it’s not making me a fan. I give it a 3/5.
#30. Futsal Shuffle 2020-Lil Uzi Vert: Here’s a random knowledge gem for you: be skeptical of any rapper who says they’re retiring. 99.9% of the time, they’re bullshitting us as a marketing gimmick for their next record. The latest rapper to do this is Lil Uzi Vert who released a new song called Futsal Shuffle 2020, which features a dance. Because when the content of your song is more empty flexing and taking someone else’s girlfriend, why not bring in a dance to try and make it more interesting than it actually is? A lot of people liked XO Tour Life, but he has yet to keep that momentum going. Even the production is a letdown thanks to a dull beat and a synth line straight out of 2007. I know that 2000s nostalgia is an inevitability as the 2020s goes on, but I hoped that people will be nostalgic for the good parts of the decade and not the bad ones. I give this a 1/5.
#29. hot girl bummer-blackbear: I plan to talk about this one in a Target Practice next week, so look forward to that. Long story short, it’s an easy 1/5.
#26. The Bones-Maren Morris: Well, at least we have a country song from an actual woman in the Top 40, especially with how much of a sausage party modern country has become. Then again, I don’t know if I could call this country as The Bones by Maren Morris is average-at-best and is more pop-leaning. The sentiment behind the song is a good one, that good relationships are built on strong foundations, but the sound is what lets this song down the most as Maren Morris isn’t giving her best performance and the production is really generic. There’s a remix with Hozier, but it doesn’t make the song any better. She’s capable of doing better than this. I give this song a 2.5/5.
#2. Yummy-Justin Bieber: Justin Bieber has a song called Yummy. This is a real thing. Before I’ve heard this song, I’ heard about the backlash. Whenever someone’s talking about it, they’re mainly just dunking on how bad it was. So I prepared myself for the worst and, yeah, the people were right. The production sounds plastic thanks to the muddy synths and flaccid percussion. Bieber tries to be sensual and sounds like a dudebro trying way too hard. And then there’s the lyrics. “Yeah, you got that yummy-yum, that yummy-yum, that yummy-yummy.” Dude, what? It doesn’t get any better from there, BTW. And this was dedicated to his wife. I’m honestly embarrassed for Bieber for releasing this thing to the public. Even worse is Bieber and his team trying to manipulate the system, pushing it hard on TikTok, making a game based on the song, and encouraging fans to buy and stream it in mass so that it could debut at number one. This is the type of music politics schemes that I’d expect from voracious label executives, not the artists themselves. And the funny thing is that despite all of that, it wound up debuting at number two.
All of that aside, this song is pathetic and it’s easily getting a 1/5 from me.
#1. The Box-Roddy Ricch: Ladies and gentlemen, the number one song in the country, The Box by Roddy Ricch. While I’m glad someone beat out Bieber’s desperate marketing schemes, it feels weird that it’s this song that did it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad. The orchestral swells has some menace to alongside the “eee oop” ad-lib and standard trap beat. The content is more of the same bragging and shooting shit, but Roddy Ricch is a competent enough rapper who shows off some flexible flows and melodies, especially in the second verse. I can’t shake the feeling, though, that this doesn’t sound or feel like a number one song not unlike Highest In The Room. At the end of the day, this song isn’t anything special, but it’s passable and I wouldn’t mind seeing it stick around. I give it a 3/5.
What If I Never Got Over You
hot girl bummer
And that was another Top 40 Review. Stay tuned next month when I do another one. This week, I begin the 2010s list revisions with the Worst Songs of 2010. You don’t wanna miss out on that.