Target Practice

Target Practice: Timbaland ft Justin Timberlake “Carry Out”

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Let’s talk about two guys, one named Timothy Mosley, also known as Timbaland, and Justin Timberlake. Timbaland is a well-known producer who’s crafted some of the most iconic songs of the 90s and 2000s in hip-hop, R&B, and pop music. Justin Timberlake started off as a Mouseketeer on the Mickey Mouse Club before joining NSYNC. After NSYNC broke up, JT started working with Timbaland for numerous collaborations through the rest of the 2000s. It was a match made in heaven as Timbaland’s production style was a perfect fit for Timberlake and they’ve made some classics. Although not everything they did together translated to gold as evident by today’s Target Practice victim. From Timbaland’s Shock Value II album, this is Carry Out.

Baby, you're looking fire hot
I'll have you open all night like you're IHOP
I'll take you home baby, let you keep me company
You gimme some of you, I give you some of me

Not to be technical and get in the way of an awful pickup line, but not all IHOPs are open 24/7.

You look good baby, must taste heavenly
I'm pretty sure that you got your own recipe
So pick it up, pick it up, yeah, I like you
I just can't get enough I gotta drive through
Cause it's me, you, you, me, me, you, all night
Have it your, way, foreplay, before, I feed, your appetite

Get used to these food puns, folks. Because there’s more of that to come.

Let me get my ticket baby, let me get in line
I can tell the way you like it baby, supersized

Is he calling himself fat or is he talking about his dick? You decide in the comments below.

Hold on, you got yours, let me get mine
I ain't leave 'til they turn over the closed sign
Check it

And that’s good enough to get you banned from that restaurant because you’re being a nuisance. Now onto the chorus from Justin Timberlake, or more appropriately, to quote Timbaland, “TAKE IT TO THE CHORUS!!”

Take my order cause your body like a - carry out
Let me walk into your body 'til you - hear me out
Turn me on my baby don't you - cut me out
Turn me on my baby don't you - cut me out
Take my order cause your body like a - carry out
And let me walk into your body 'til it's - lights out
Turn me on my baby don't you - cut me out
Ah turn me on my baby don't you - cut me out
Cut me out

I can just imagine JT saying this to an IHOP waitress and she’s so unimpressed by these corny lines that she threw drinks at his face and walked off. It’s much more evident when he says not to cut him out, like he’s trying to convince her to sleep with him while wiping his face.

Listen here girl
Number one, I take two number threes
That's a whole lotta you and a side of me
Now is I full of myself to want you full of me?
And if there's room for dessert then I want a piece
Baby get my order right, no errors
I'mma touch you in all the right areas
I can feed you, you can feed me
Girl, deliver that to me, come see me

And I’d bet if he wasn’t who he was, JT would get five fingers to the face for these pickup lines. Look up The Chappelle Show to understand that reference.

Cause it's me, you, you, me, me, you, all night
Have it your, way, foreplay, before, I feed, your appetite
Do you like it well done? Cause I do it well
Cause I'm well seasoned if you couldn't tell
Now let me walk into your body 'til you hear me out
Ah turn me on my baby, don't you cut me out

With lines like this, I would question the validity of you being “well-seasoned.”

What's your name? What's your number?
I'm glad I came; can you take my order?
What's your name? Girl, what's your number?
I'm glad I came; can you take my order?
Come over here (what's your name?)
Come closer (what's your number?)
Over here (I'm glad I came)
A little closer (can you take my order?)
Come over here (what's your name?)
Come closer (what's your number?)
Over here (I'm glad I came)
A little closer (can you take my..)

Question for all of the ladies: do you find it sexy when a dude is talking to you like he’s at a drive-thru at an Arby’s?

This song is a one-star, rat-infested diner. Timbaland provides some of his worst production work to date with no groove or flavor and both he and Timberlake come off as lame as they deliver a sex song that’s revolved around food puns, bad food puns at that. There’s no way or context that can make any of this work without a slap to the face or a disgusted groan. Easily one of the worst songs from both Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. This dining establishment isn’t getting any good reviews on Yelp. Next Target Practice, …

Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Haunted-Diamante

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