Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Really, what is even Justin Bieber at this point? The man has become one of the most inessential artists of recent years, achieving success off of name recognition alone. He adds nothing to the music scene that hasn’t been done better by other acts nor does he bring any unique personality that justifies having him around, he’s just there taking up space on radio and playlists. So it’s interesting to me to see the backlash to his most recent album Changs from critics and audiences. I mean, that shouldn’t be surprising since Bieber released Yummy, which is sinking on the charts as of this post. Good. This brings us to the next single, which is today’s Target Practice victim. Featuring Quavo, this is Intentions.
Picture-perfect, you don't need no filter Gorgeous, make 'em drop dead, you a killer Shower you with all my attention Yeah, these are my only intentions
Starting off with typical complimentary lines aimed at a girl. Not the worst way to start a song, but it’s nothing special, either.
Stay in the kitchen, cooking up, got your own bread
Heart full of equity, you're an asset
Make sure that you don't need no mentions
Yeah, these are my only intentions
Bro, are you praising her for being a stereotypical 50s housewife? Because that does not translate well today.
Shout out to your mom and dad for making you
Standing ovation, they did a great job raising you
When I create, you're my muse
That kind of smile that makes the news
Question for women: do you find it flattering when your significant other praises your parents for “making” you?
Can't nobody throw shade on your name in these streets
Triple threat, you a boss, you a bae, you a beast
You make it easy to choose
You got a mean touch I can't refuse (No, I can't refuse it)
Wait, is she a boss or is she a stay-at-home wife? Make a choice already.
Already pass, you don't need no approval
Good everywhere, don't worry 'bout no refusal
Second to none, you got the upper hand now
Don't need a sponsor, nope, you're the brand now
Don’t need a sponsor, you’re the brand now. Well, it’s always nice to know that Justin Bieber has always been lame.
You're my rock, my Colorado
Get that ring, just like Toronto
Love you now, a little more tomorrow
That's how I feel
Act like you know that you are
Okay, I understand the “get that ring just like Toronto” line because it’s a reference to the Raptors winning the NBA Finals last year, but you’re my rock, my Colorado? What’s that supposed to mean? I did some Googling and came across several articles from last year about a huge boulder that fell on a mountain highway that the governor decided to leave there and build roads around instead of removing it. Maybe that’s what Bieber means. Credit for making such a specific reference, though I doubt many people outside of Colorado will understand it. Let’s move on to Quavo.
No cap, no pretending
You don't need mentions (No cap)
Got 'em sayin' "goals," they don't wanna be independent ('Pendent)
Tell them to mind your business
We in our feelings
It's fifty-fifty percentage (Fifty)
Attention, we need commitment
We gotta both admit it (Both)
It's funny we both listen (Both)
It's a blessing 'cause we both get it (Both)
You the best thing and I don't need a witness (Best thing)
I'ma find me a ring and pray it's perfect fitted (Perfect)
Yeah, I nothing for this. It’s a typical phoned-in Quavo verse that wouldn’t be out of place on any other song he’s featured on. And I’m done here.
This song is a bore. It proves that there is absolutely no reason to listen to Justin Bieber in 2020. Flimsy synths and a lightweight beat make up the production, Bieber is still a black hole of presence and personality, the writing is littered with nonstop praise for a girl while having a warped understanding of gender roles, and Quavo exists. This is more of a cynical marketing creation rather than a sincere love song. I feel nothing while listening to this song because it’s empty and devoid of human passion. It’s a perfect summation of the quality of Bieber’s music. If this was made by anyone else, it wouldn’t have even been a blip on the radar. Next Target Practice, …
SONG OF THE WEEK