Target Practice

Target Practice: My Darkest Days “Porn Star Dancing”

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. You’ve probably heard the phrase “sex, drugs, and rock & roll” before, right? As much as some rock fans would go on about the depth and complexity of rock, that’s only a half-truth because there’s a good number of rock songs that’s simple and also full of straight-up hedonism. Just look at most hair metal of the 80s or the entirety of KISS’ discography. There’s nothing wrong with making simple songs about sex, drugs, and partying in of itself, it’s about how you handle that subject matter and the overall execution. Some can pull it off while others can’t. Today’s Target Practice comes from My Darkest Days, a Canadian band discovered by Chad Kroeger, who’s also featured on the band’s breakout hit, plus a verse from Ludacris and a guitar solo from Zakk Wylde. Quite the lineup, I must say. This is Porn Star Dancing.

My Darkest Days Porn Star Dancing Featuring Ludacris, Chad Kroeger ...
Kelly won't kiss my friend, Cassandra
Jessica won't play ball
Mandy won't share her friend, Miranda
Doesn't anybody live at all?

I always found some straight dudes’ views on lesbians fascinating because of two reasons: they think they could have sex with one despite the fact that lesbians are only attracted to other women by nature and also, these dudes would usually have anti-gay views.

Amanda won't leave me empty handed
Got her number from a bathroom stall
Brandy just got way too much baggage
And that shit just gets old

We all have problems, dude. Don’t think you’re any better because you have less baggage.

But I got a girl who can put on a show
The dollar decides how far you can go

A street performer? Sweet. Is she a musician? Can she do magic tricks? What?

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Cuz that's porn star dancin'
Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
There's nothing hotter than a..

There’s a big difference between strippers and porn stars. One gets paid to take off their clothes on-stage while loud music is playing, the other gets paid to have sex and have it filmed. Just laying that out there. Let’s move on to Chad Kroeger.

Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage
But that's just not my style

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a virgin or not, Kroeger is still coming for the pussy.

She's got a pair that's nice to stare at
But I want girls gone wild

In other words, …

I Endorse These Strippers-Nicki Minaj ft Brinx & Tyga

BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, LOTTA BOOOOOOOOOOBS

Moving on.

But I know a place where there's always a show
The dollar decides how far you can go

He’s talking about the strip club. Let’s move on to Ludacris.

They won't do, I need a girl that's kinda frisky
Drinking with the fellas, takin' shots and gettin' tipsy
Always wanna party cuz she's sexy as hell
And if I ever get in trouble bailin' me outta jail
Cuz she a stone-cold stunner, hotter than the summer
When she step up in the club every man and woman want her
She make me wanna get a stripper pole up in my home
Cuz her porn star dancin' has got me in the zone

Now you might look at this and find it weird to hear Ludacris on this type of song. But it’s not that weird if you think about the times. This song was released in 2010 and in the early 2010s, Ludacris was willing to work with ANYBODY. He did songs with Justin Bieber, David Guetta, Taio Cruz, Enrique Iglesias, Jason Aldean, etc. There’s no act he wouldn’t work with. And we’ve now reached the end of any new lyrics.

This song is a messy money shot. The mixing in this song is horrendous, the vocals sound Auto-Tuned, and the music overall sounds like ass. Ludacris and Chad Kroeger are completely pointless here. Even a Zakk Wylde solo isn’t worth going back to. The lyrics are hackneyed sleaziness that isn’t even that interesting in its smut. If anything, they played it safe so that it could get airplay. This song was tailor-made for sleazy bars and strip clubs full of meatheads and frat boys. My Darkest Days would become yet another one-hit wonder as subsequent singles didn’t match the success of Porn Star Dancing and the band broke up in 2013. Lead singer Matt Walst would eventually take over lead vocals for Three Days Grace. Let’s leave this embarrassment behind for good. Next Target Practice, …

Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Hold On I’m Coming-Sam & Dave

One thought on “Target Practice: My Darkest Days “Porn Star Dancing”

  1. I am guessing we sill see the new edition of the Adam Levine Show in the next top 40 review. Like I learned from this site about two forms of post grunge. My Darkest Days, another band with their fifteen minutes of shame. You always have great metaphors for taking shots to bad songs. So far 2020 is turning to the making of a nightmare plus hangover we are trying to get over with.

    Like

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