Target Practice

Target Practice: Maroon 5 “Nobody’s Love”

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. Why the flying hell is Maroon 5 still here? This group hasn’t contributed anything of worth to the music scene in years and have overstayed their welcome by this point, coasting off of brand-name recognition alone. My only guess is that middle-aged soccer moms who watch Ellen still love these guys and radio wanted more middle-of-the-road filler to fill up airtime. This reminds me of Chicago in the late 80s, another group who have clearly gone through artistic rot and are just winging out singles. Today’s Target Practice is the latest single that this group put out two months ago in response to all of the horrible shit occurring throughout the year. This is Nobody’s Love.

You could make a grown man cry
If you ever said "Goodbye"
Never let you go, oh, I (Never let you go, oh, I)
You could make a grown man cry
If you ever left my side
Never let you go, oh, I (Never let you go, oh, I)

Well, this isn’t off to a good start. We’re just at the first couple of lines and we see Adam Levine being clingy to a woman again. Yipee.

You're the only hand in my back pocket
If you ever left, I'd go pyschotic

If you ever left, I’d go psychotic. ……………. Dude, do you have issues that you want to work out or not? I’m just saying because these lines are VERY concerning.

Heaven, hear me cryin', cryin' (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
Baby, you're the key to my heart, lock it

Sweet buttery crispy Jesus, this is like a whiny-ass, poorly-written emo song that even Simple Plan would think is too basic.

If you ever left, never unlock it
Lonely like an island, island (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Was… was that a Lonely Island reference?

I will never get tired of using that clip.

If my love ain't your love
It's never gonna be nobody's love
I'm never gonna need nobody's love but yours (But yours)
If my love ain't your love
It's never gonna be nobody's love
Never gonna need nobody's touch but yours (But yours)

Okay, this sounds like some obsessive stalker, proto-serial killer shit right here and this woman needs to file a restraining order against you.

You're the only hand in my back pocket
If you ever left, I'd go pyschotic
Heaven hear me cryin', cryin' (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
Hit me like a drug and I can't stop it
Fit me like a glove and I can't knock it
I ain't even lyin', lyin' (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

… I got nothing for this one. It speaks for itself.

If my love ain't your love, then it's nobody's
Only yours, only yours, not just anybody's
And if you ever leave, then I'm never gon' want
Nobody, nobody's love
If my love ain't your love, then it's nobody's
Only yours, only yours, not just anybody's
And if you ever leave, then I'm never gon' want
Nobody, nobody's love
Nobody's love
Oh, yeah

………………… You know what? Let’s end this right here. The rest of the song repeats itself by this point anyways.

This song is nobody’s love. Who asked for this thing to exist? It’s a miserable, miserable song where Adam Levine is being a clingy creep with writing that should be concerning to any rational human being. The production is dreary and flat and the same thing applies to the vocal performance. No passion whatsoever. It’s just more radio filler from a group that doesn’t know when to call it a day. I know this is a short post, but honestly, Maroon 5 doesn’t deserve any more attention by this point. I just hope that they just fade away to irrelevance. Next Target Practice, …

Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Dragonball Durag-Thundercat

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