Target Practice

Target Practice: AJR “I’m Ready”

Welcome to Target Practice where bad popular songs of the past and present get shot. AJR. By now, you already know the deal with this group. But I’ll recap for those who are new or have forgotten. AJR is a trio of brothers who make indie pop music, with more emphasis on the pop side. The majority of their songs are sterile, flaccid clunkers that’s devoid of originality, wit, charm, and talent, and they only serve as annoying background noise. This group is universally despised by the music community and if you go to RateYourMusic, none of their albums rank above a 2 out of 5. That makes it odd that they now have a hit song. I said in the past that everything has a fanbase and AJR is no different. Today’s Target Practice is the group’s first charting single all the back from 2013. This is I’m Ready.

I'm ready

I’m not.

You're feeling good, you're feeling right
Across the floor, and I'm already losing my mind
Baby girl, looking fine

Oh, great. Another song where a dude is horny. This will go well.

Watch you playing and playing and playing these guys
Catch my stare, little smile

Or maybe she’s trying to avoid having conversations with dudes who only want to smash. Maybe that’s something to consider.

Tell me that you're ready and you're feeling the vibe
Someday I'll be so damn sublime,
We'll arrive behind a hash-tag sign

A hashtag sign? The fuck are you talking about? Is your one-night stand going to be so infamous that it’s going to be trending on social media?

I won't forget you, but I may…
Forget your name

Typical. You try to spit game to this woman and you didn’t even bother asking for her name.

My lady
I know what you're thinking
When the bass starts ringing
Can you tell me when you're stoked to start?
Are you ready for tonight,
Set this shit on fire
And we'll dance until we're dumb in the dark
My lady
I know what you're thinking
When the bass starts ringing
Can you tell me when you're stoked to start?
Are you ready for tonight,
Set this shit on fire
And we'll dance until we're dumb in the dark
Are you ready?
I'm ready

And, of course, he wants to fuck. Why am I not surprised?

Break me down, dirty jokes
Watch me dear, and say what you wanna know

Break me down, dirty jokes. I get the strange feeling that these dudes were just writing down whatever’s on their mind, regardless of whether or not it makes sense.

Break me down, I'm ready, break me down
Break me down, I'm ready, break me down
Break me down, I'm ready, break me down
Break me down, I'm ready, break me down

The fact that this dude is begging to be broken down is kinda sad, especially when that phrase can taken more than one way.

This song is a unprepared slob. Leave it to AJR to take a sleazy song and make it more annoying and stupid. The writing is so cringe that you start wondering if it was meant to be a joke, but nothing in the writing or tone suggests that. The singing sounds like the brothers recorded this with a vice grip on their noses and have the personalities of a wet blanket. The production is steaming garbage thanks to the dull pianos, the hollow claps and percussion, and that ugly dubstep drop. Oh, I almost forgot; the entire song is based around a Spongebob sample, a very repetitive Spongebob sample. If you think about it, this song is Spongebob and we, the listeners, are Squidward, constantly annoyed by their presence. A very fitting metaphor for AJR’s overall catalog. And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes the final Target Practice. It’s been a fun six years tackling the spectrum of bad popular music, but all good things must come to an end. Next week, we’ll conclude another series with the Modern Rock Tracks Review of 2009.

Peace!!

SONG OF THE WEEK

If-Janet Jackson

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